


When the World Ends, Face It with Laughter (Learn to Share Love)

by neferlemon



Category: Infinite (Band)
Genre: Angst, End of the World, M/M, Multi, Polyamory
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-25
Updated: 2017-06-09
Packaged: 2018-06-10 15:57:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 51,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6963376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neferlemon/pseuds/neferlemon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The world is ending in two years and Infinite is a tangled mess of relationships that needs to be sorted out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The OT7 (and the world end) will be quite a slow journey, I'm afraid. For now please enjoy the different monogamy pairings.

Myungsoo watched the news when he was about to sleep that night.

He wasn’t deliberately watching news. He was watching Oh Haeyoung Again when a breaking news interrupted the broadcast.

“A meteor coded PHA-1412 with diameter more than 60 miles is found approaching earth with over 100.000 miles/hour speed. Its track and earth orbit will meet exactly two years from now. There is probability that it will cause a big earthquake and tsunami as it hit the earth, but people are advised to stay calm because scientists have been  building a nuclear rocket to destroy the meteor before it reaches our planet.”

The news should had been scared him, but Myungsoo found himself rather indifferent with it. For him, the world had ended two years before, not later.

-

When he woke up, he felt the world was a few notch brighter or maybe it was just his thought.

He rolled from his bed and grabbed his charged phone. 10.30. He was almost late for dance practice, but he spared some time to cook a fried egg and ate it with leftover rice from dinner. He put his clothes on and took his car to Woollim.

Everybody was there already – except Woohyun, of course, who was currently promoting his solo. And Sunggyu, because his foot injury didn’t allow him to participate in dance practice. The rest of the members was sitting in circle, talking loudly about – none other than – world ends.

“What a luck! The earth has been here for more than thousands of years and we get to live at the very end of it!” Sungyeol said loudly, his voice squeaked in excitement.

“It’s not something you consider as ‘luck’, Hyung,” Sungjong scolded Sungyeol, but Dongwoo agreed with the lanky boy.

“I think, it means that all of us who live in this very moment are actually the chosen one! Maybe this is a special mission for us to protect the earth,” Dongwoo added his theory in glee.

“The only one who got such mission is NASA and whatever space organizations every single country has,” Hoya said. “I wouldn’t worry about it. They said they’re building a rocket that will shoot the meteor right before it hits earth.”

“Myungsoo Hyung!” Sungjong greeted him, his pretty eyes lightened up. “Did you hear the news?”

“Myungsoo doesn’t watch anything except anime, you know that Sungjongie?” Sungyeol teased with a gummy smile.

“I watched late night news, actually,” Myungsoo answered. Sungyeol snorted.

“As if. I bet you were just watching some drama when they aired the breaking news.”

Sungyeol always know things about Myungsoo. Sometimes he hates him for it.

“What do you think about the news, Myungsoo-ya?” Dongwoo asked him.

Myungsoo shrugged. “Doesn’t mean much to me.”

“What the hell! Such a pessimism!” Sungyeol cried. “No, Myung! You can’t live with that attitude, especially in the apocalypse that we’re about to thrown into. You need to stop hanging out with Minseok Hyung, he’s rubbing negativity all over you.”

There were times when the same words were uttered, but with a completely different tones. “Don’t hang out too much with Minseok Hyung,” Sungyeol used to say with petulant jealousy. Myungsoo would smile teasingly and say cheesy things like “okay, but you need to make up for my loss of company” and dive to steal a kiss from him.

But today he would only smile in amusement.

There were times when looking at Sungyeol hurts all the time. But months had passed and now he could look at that smile without feeling like his entire skin is flayed or like his heart is pierced with a metal stick.

“Are we going to practice or are we going to discuss the end of the world?” he asked to the seated group.

“What’s the use of practice?” Dongwoo asked. “It’s the end of the world! Who would care about some idol dance?”

“More people than before,” a voice said from the door. Sunggyu. “There is no time where everybody needs a distraction more than when the world is ending. So, quit sitting around and gossiping! We’ll be quite busy for these two years.”

“Why are you here, Hyung?” Hoya asked. “You don’t have to come here.”

“If I don’t come, who knows what you’ll be doing instead of practicing?” their leader snorts.

But Myungsoo knew the truth. Sunggyu wasn’t here to check on them practicing. He was here for someone.

“Don’t you have a doctor appointment today?” Sungyeol asked as he approached Sunggyu on the door, bending slightly to check Sunggyu’s foot.

“I was just coming back from there,” Sunggyu said. His eyes disappearing as he smiled.

“Oh, then you can stay here and watch us practice!” Sungyeol said brightly. His eyes did that sparkly things that indicated he was genuinely happy.

“Sure. So, get your ass off the floor! Practice!” Sunggyu clapped his hands as they stood up and started stretching. Sungyeol tried to run off from practice room just because, but Sunggyu stopped him and they wrestled for a short while before Sunggyu pushed Sungyeol playfully to the center of the room.

There were times when looking at Sungyeol hurts all the time. But months had passed and now it only hurts sometimes.

Like right now.

-

They ended the practice at 4 PM and Myungsoo was hungry again. He suggested for a late group lunch but Sunggyu said he needed to go to Woohyun’s The Show today. Sungyeol decided to follow him.

“Me and Hoya had a meeting with friends,” Dongwoo said.

“What friend?” asked Myungsoo.

“Hoya’s hip hop friend,” Dongwoo answered.

“Don’t call them hip hop friend!” Hoya protested, but soon laughed together with Dongwoo.

“I guess that leave just the two of us,” he looked at Sungjong. “Wanna lunch together?”

“Sure,” Sungjong said.

They ended up in a bibimyeon place in Hongdae. It was late hour for lunch, so the restaurant wasn’t crowded. They picked a place in a corner, where they could see a television airing another news coverage about the meteor.

“It’s real, isn’t it?” Myungsoo asked after he placed his order.

“I know. It doesn’t feel real right?” Sungjong answered. “I mean things are just going on as usual. We go practice, we grab lunch, Woohyun’s still promoting, I bet fans are still lining up to see him in front of SBS building.”

Their bibimyeon came and Myungsoo tried to reach for chopsticks but Sungjong beat him to it. “Here,” the younger said as he handed the utensils to Myungsoo, complete with the spoon.

“Thanks,” he said. “How are you, Sungjong?”

“Fine?” The younger looked at him with questioning eyes. “What’s with the question?”

“Hoya and Dongwoo seemed a lot closer to each other these days.”

Sungjong huffed. “Are you going to talk about this here?”

Myungsoo winced, remembering they were in a public space.

“Sorry,” he said sheepishly. “I just thought... you haven’t talked to me in a long time. And if it’s about Hoya then you surely can’t talk to him. Or Dongwoo. And aren’t us three the only one you talk to within the group?”

“I talked to Sunggyu Hyung sometimes,” Sungjong said.

“Oh,” Myungsoo said and he did not just feel betrayed, okay?

“What about you, Hyung?” Sungjong asked back.

“What about me?”

“About Sunggyu Hyung and Sungyeol Hyung.”

Myungsoo looked at his empty bowl and sighed. He knew he shouldn’t attempted to ask about Hoya and Dongwoo because he knew Sungjong could shot him back with question about Sunggyu and Sungyeol.

“I can’t talk about this over bibimyeon,” he said.

“Yeah. We need alcohol for this. Do you want to hit the bar?”

“Sungjong-ah, it’s only 5 PM.”

“So what? We have no schedule tonight. Let’s waste ourselves, the world is ending anyway.”

“Pretty sure soon enough everybody will use the world’s ending as excuse to drinking in the middle of the day.”

“And to have sex as often as possible. And to kiss. And to hug,” Sungjong added.

“I guess it’s the perfect time to love someone,” Myungsoo said. “Too bad we don’t have anyone to love.”

“Should we go to your house and have a little pity party?”

“Call.”

-

They bought soju and beers and some snacks in the minimarket near Myungsoo’s apartment. There were condoms placed near the cashier and Myungsoo found it funny to point it out to Sungjong as they leaving.

“Are you drunk already?” Sungjong scolded him in whisper, afraid the cashier would hear them.

“What do you think if I buy one just to surprise the cashier?”

“Sure. Expect your recipe to be all over SNS and news portal tomorrow.”

“Who would care about condom anyway.” He said. “If the world is ending.”

“Stop with that joke. It’s not funny anymore if you overdo it.”

“You started it!”

“And you don’t need one, Hyung.”

“Yeah,” Myungsoo pursed his lips. “I have no one to fuck, I forgot.”

“No, it’s not because of that,” Sungjong said. ”I have one in my wallet.”

Myungsoo blinked as he felt the implication of the words. He looked at Sungjong pointedly. 

“I was just joking,” Sungjong rolled his eyes. “Let’s go.”

-

They sat on the floor as Myungsoo opened the chips and Sungjong turned the TV on.

“Turn it off,” Myungsoo whined. “It would be just about the world’s end.”

Sungjong turned to face Myungsoo.

“I thought it would be less awkward if we have background noise during our talk.”

“Then don’t choose the one that’s about meteor.”

Sungjong flipped the channel.

“Oh look, it’s Woohyun Hyung.”

Myungsoo looked up. It was SBS The Show’s live broadcast. They were airing the waiting room commentary.

“Yes, I’m so thankful to be able to be here today. I’ll make sure to perform with all of my heart. Also, today my Infinite member Sunggyu and Sungyeol come to visit me. Say hi to viewers, won’t you?” Woohyun in the TV said.

“Hello! We’re Infinite Sunggyu and Sungyeol. Please support our Woohyun’s solo debut. He is really talented, we are the witness of his singing skill,” Sunggyu and Sungyeol greeted.

“What a convenient way to start our talk,” Sungjong said. “So, how are you doing Myungsoo Hyung, with those two are practically attached to the hips like that?”

“I’m doing fine,” Myungsoo gritted his teeth. “It’s better than before. Now looking at him doesn’t hurt.”

“But looking at him and Sunggyu Hyung still does,” Sungjong said the thing that Myungsoo deliberately left unsaid.

“Do you have to say it to my face?”

“Why? Not saying it doesn’t making it less real.”

Myungsoo finished his can and reached for another. Sungjong followed him with his eyes.

“Isn’t it time for you to move on? He’s already smiling ear to ear with someone else.”

Myungsoo snapped.

“I’m sorry that it takes me longer to move on, okay?!”

Sungjong put his hands up.

“Sorry, Hyung. I don’t imply that you can’t move on. I just wish you would stop being miserable,” he said. “It makes me angry.”

“Jjong-ah.”

“I just... I don’t like seeing you like _that_. You are hurting and both of them are disgustingly ignorant about your situation. It makes me angry to see them treating you like that.”

He should have known that their conversation would end up like this. He should have known how Sungjong would react.

_But Myungsoo, you already knew. You brought this conversation yourself. You actually deliberately baited Sungjong for this._

“Why...?” he didn’t know if he really wanted to hear the answer.

“You know why,” Sungjong said. “You’re precious to me, Hyung. Seeing you get hurt hurts me.”

Sungjong put his can on the floor and reached for Myungsoo’s hand that was holding his beer.

“You know why I do this,” he took his can and Myungsoo let him. Sungjong moved closer and slid his lithe body to Myungsoo’s lap, facing the older. He looked straight at his eyes.

“I love you.”

Sungjong’s lips were on him before he even replied. His lips were soft and pliant. His scent – always fragrant, reminded him of flowerbed in spring – engulfed Myungsoo. Myungsoo ran his right hand on Sungjong’ hair. It was silky soft, just like his cheeks that Myungsoo’s left hand currently stroking.

When they pulled away, Myungsoo said.

“Sungjong-ah, no, stop.”

“You wanted me to do it,” Sungjong said. Myungsoo couldn’t figure his tone. Is he angry? Is he sad? Is he hurt? But he couldn’t find anything.

“I didn’t.”

“Why did you bring me here, then?” Sungjong asked. “Don’t take me as a fool, Hyung. I know what you want from me, even if you don’t know it yourself.”

Myungsoo wanted to cry. He wanted to curse himself for wanting this in the first place. He wanted to curse Sungjong for his devotion to Myungsoo. He wanted to curse Sungyeol for he was the reason why all of these were happening.

“You shouldn’t agree,” he managed to say. Sungjong didn’t move from his lap. “I rejected you,” Myungsoo continued. “You’re supposed to hate me. You’re supposed to let me be miserable.”

“Rejection doesn’t change love,” Sungjong said. “At least not mine.”

“Jjong-ah, please. You don’t deserve this. I’m taking advantage of you.”

“Stop treating me like a child, Hyung. I’m no longer your innocent lemon candy maknae, you know that? You’re not taking advantage of me, I’m giving it to you.”

And then he was silenced again with another round of kiss. Sungjong kissed him passionately, strong but gentle, and Myungsoo allowed himself to melt into his dongsaeng. He could feel Sungjong sighed contentedly and he slipped his tongue inside the other’s mouth.

Things got heated pretty soon and Sungjong’s hands found a way down Myungsoo’s pants waistband. Slender finger opened his fly, and Myungsoo didn’t even realized he got hard until he felt such relief when he was freed from the confinement of his pants.

Sungjong brought them together to the bed. The boy was always classy like that – not the one who’d do sex on the floor. They were a mess of tangled limbs but Myungsoo sighed when his back collided with the mattress, Sungjong’s body weight trapped him on top.

“Do you want me to lead?” Sungjong asked.

“Up to you,” Myungsoo answered. Sungjong took that as yes and soon he was undressing Myungsoo.

“How could you be this beautiful, Hyung?” Sungjong murmured as he pressed soft kisses all over Myungsoo’s body.

Sungjong moved south, undressing Myungsoo’s pants and underwear, his hands ghosted on Myungsoo’s inner thigh and crotch. Myungsoo writhed, he could feel himself leaking an embarrassing amount of precum.

“When did the last time you...?”

“Two years ago,” Myungsoo said, breathless. Sungjong actually stopped.

“Does that mean... you haven’t done any since Sungyeol?”

“It’s not Sungyeol,” Myungsoo said as he moved his lower body, tried to get Sungjong’s attention again. “After Sungyeol. I did it with someone for a short period.”

Sungjong was still frozen. “Who?”

“Just nobody,” Myungsoo said. “not important.”

Actually it was. That person was the reason he was hurting more than he should. That person was probably Myungsoo’s biggest mistake in life until now.

He whined again and Sungjong pay him more attention. He started rubbing, teasing, pleasuring Myungsoo until he came with unshed tears in his eyes.

Myungsoo was spent with his drunkenness, emotional exhaustion, and orgasm to notice anything after that.

“Do you want me to stay?” Sungjong asked after he took care of his own erection.

“Up to you,” Myungsoo murmured.

“Alright, sleep tight,” Sungjong said. It was vague but Myungsoo could feel the bed dip as Sungjong moved to grab tissue and started cleaning him and himself. In his half asleep state he felt Sungjong put a blanket over him and tucked him in.

This was the closest love, comfort, and affection he received from other people after quite a long time. But, when he rolled his body to sleep on his side, he could feel tears slipping away from the corner of his eyes and landed on his pillow.

-

The sound of bell woke him up and Myungsoo groggily got up. His head throbbed wildly and he was sure he was only sleeping for an hour or so. Sungjong was asleep next to him.

Myungsoo grabbed his phone and he indeed only slept for one hour. It was a miracle that he woke up at all. He swore to kill whoever disturb him at this hour as he put on his clothes and walked to the living room.

All of his drunkenness gone when he saw who the visitor was through the intercom. Sungyeol was there.

One part of him wanted to open the door immediately and welcomed his best friend – his ex. Other part of him reminded him of Sungjong on his bed and he wanted to pretend like he was not home.

 _God, Myungsoo. Stop acting like you were cheating on him. The two of you were over and you could have whoever you want sleeping on your bed_.

But he still couldn’t press the unlock button.

“Let him in,” a voice said. “I’ll go home.”

Sungjong was standing behind him, fully clothed. Dull eyes looked at the image of Sungyeol from the intercom.

“You don’t have to go just because he comes,” Myungsoo said. It would be more suspicious _._

_What suspicious? Myungsoo, you’re kidding yourself._

“Just open the door,” Sungjong said as he went back to the living room. Myungsoo pressed unlock.

“I was about to call the security because I’m afraid something happened to you,” Sungyeol greeted as he welcomed himself from the entrance.

“I might not be at home, you know,” Myungsoo rolled his eyes. Sungyeol shoot him a dirty look. “I know you’re home Kim Myungsoo. You can’t fool me.”

Sungyeol walked past him to the living room, where Sungjong was sitting cross legged on the couch, enjoying TV and snack as if it was his only activities on this house for hours.

“Oh, Sungjong you’re here too?” Sungyeol said. “And you had drinking party here! Why didn’t you call me?”

“Sorry,” Sungjong said. “It was impromptu party. And weren’t you with Sunggyu and Woohyun at The Show?”

“Oh, that’s right,” Sungyeol said.

“Where’s Sunggyu Hyung?” Myungsoo asked as he sat himself beside Sungjong, trying to rest his head.

Sungyeol’s face changed several shades darker.

“Woohyun Hyung was having a hard time,” he said. “He was exhausted and insecure... you know how he is. So Sunggyu Hyung took him home.”

 _And that’s why you are here_.

“Geez, these cans were from only you two drinking? I don’t even want to imagine the hangover you two will get tomorrow,” Sungyeol looked around and found their scattered cans of beer.

“I didn’t even finish a can,” Sungjong said. “Myungsoo Hyung drunk them all.”

“Terrible,” Sungyeol said. He roamed around and found a half empty can. “Should’ve leave some for me.”

“There’s more on the frig,” Myungsoo said.

“Yay! You want a second round, Sungjong?” Sungyeol asked as he went to the kitchen.

“No,” Sungjong answered, stood up. “I’m about to leave.”

Sungyeol stopped. “Why? Just stay here. It’s late.”

“I don’t want to,” Sungjong said.

“Well, too bad,” Sungyeol responded.

Myungsoo pushed himself to stood up. “I’ll show you the way out.”

“Don’t be stupid Hyung. I can find the way myself,” Sungjong snorted but he didn’t reject Myungsoo following him to the entrance. As Sungjong opened the door, Myungsoo stopped him.

“You really don’t have to leave just because of him.”

“How many time I told you that I am not a kid? I’m aware of that. I leave because I want to. I can’t bear to be in the same room with only you two.”

With that, Sungjong was gone.

Myungsoo looked at the closed door and slide himself to the floor. He didn't feel like going back to the living room. Too tired and too dizzy to do anything else. He closed his eyes.

-

Myungsoo woke up on his bed, head aching terribly. He reached to the bedside table automatically until he found a glass of water and a bottle of hangover reliever. He drunk it in one go and sipped the water.

His apartment was silent and his bed was cold. There was no Sungjong or Sungyeol beside him.

For the first time after a long while, he let himself cry.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little Woogyu, Sunggyu-centric, and Gyuyeol focused

Sunggyu drove the car carefully, glancing at his company in the passenger seat from time to time, whose eyes were about to shut anytime soon. The ride was silent since they left SBS, and they were already in the crossroad less than a mile from Woohyun’s apartment.

“You’re driving too slow,” Woohyun murmured, breaking the silence for the first time since they entered the car.

“Don’t want to risk an accident,” Sunggyu said. “Not when you finally debut.”

“Sunho Hyung can take me, you know. It’s his job anyway.”

“You’re beyond exhausted, Woohyun-ah. Sunho Hyung won’t take you upstairs and fix you some dinner.”

“Neither will you,” Woohyun said.

It was a warning. Sunggyu understood, but he would try anyway.

“Why don’t you just let me help you?”

“You’re being unfair to Sungyeol. Shouldn’t you drive him home instead?”

“Sungyeol understands,” Sunggyu answered. “He’s like me.”

Woohyun laughed, the tone not bitter or condescending or amused, just neutral. Like he was responding to the news of some distant relative winning a lottery.

“I never thought you two would work. You’re complete opposite in personality. You’re taking this leadership business too seriously and he’s taking everything too lightly.”

“It’s not leadership business,” was what Sunggyu said. Woohyun ignored him.

“But who knows that you both turned out to have the same ideal about love?”

Sunggyu didn’t answer as he drove past Woohyun’s building gate.

“I didn’t lie, you know,” Woohyun said as Sunggyu parked his car.

“What?” Sunggyu looked at him.

“When I said you’re my inspiration for my song,” Woohyun answered. “I’m still waiting.”

Sunggyu turned off the car as he faced Woohyun.

“I’m always here, Woohyun-ah,” Sunggyu said, gestured to himself. “All you need to do is to come to me.”

“I will, when you’re over with Sungyeol,” Woohyun said as he opened the car door. “Actually, it’s when you’re over with your leader love bullshit.”

He slammed the door closed as he walked to the elevator. Sunggyu unbuckled his seatbelt quickly as he went to Woohyun.

“You don’t need to walk me to my door,” Woohyun said tiredly.

“It’s okay, I don’t mind.”

Woohyun bared his teeth. “Let me rephrase, I don’t want you to walk me to my door.”

And with that he left.

Sunggyu went back to the car and sat for a while before driving away. His injured foot started throbbing again. He started the engine and drove even slower than before.

-

Without even bothering himself with changing clothes, he called Sungyeol.

“Where are you?”

“At Myungsoo’s.”

“Oh. Did I disturb you?”

“Not at all. I’m alone. Myungsoo’s dead. He drank five cans of beer by himself.”

“Do you want to come over?”

“Aren’t you with Woohyun?”

Sunggyu laughed. “He didn’t even let me come to his floor.”

There was a pause before he heard the reply.

“Alright, I’ll come over then.”

 Sungyeol came not even half an hour later. BBQ chicken from his restaurant in his hand.

“I only realized we haven’t eaten yet!”

“Give me that!” Sunggyu reached for the box. Sungyeol went to the kitchen to retrieve some beers.

“Hey, you just drank at Myungsoo’s. You shouldn’t drink another,” Sunggyu scolded the younger.

“I didn’t even have the chance to! Myungsoo’s out cold the moment I walked through the door.”

“What, he drank five beers alone before you came?”

“He was with Sungjong.”

 Sunggyu’s ears perked up. “Sungjong? He was with Myungsoo in his apartment?”

“Yes, although for some reason he left just right after I came.”

It’s been a while since Sungjong talked to Sunggyu. The boy used to tell him his trouble, including his crush – well, not really crush. Maybe love or infatuation was the more appropriate term – to Myungsoo. It was back then when Sooyeol was still together – a perfect picture of happy, young, beautiful couple. A picture that could broke anyone’s heart if they were unlucky enough to be in love with either one of the couple.

Sunggyu once advised Sungjong to confess to Myungsoo after Sooyeol’s break up. Sungjong was rejected and Sungjong didn’t really come to him again after that. Well, he still did, sometimes, but with much less frequency than before.

“When I went to the restaurant, my Mom told me to take out any investment I made,” Sungyeol said as he sat beside Sunggyu on the sofa.

 “Why?” Sunggyu looked at his lover.

“There’s this rumor that maybe the nuclear rocket won’t be enough to destroy the meteor. Scientists have built a massive spaceship, to take human out of earth during the hit but obviously it’s not for everyone. And, as common people without any connection whatsoever to any important people, money is all we have. Mom said the stock price will fall soon enough, and I need to get my money out as soon as possible. She even said I need to withdraw my deposit in bank.”

“I don’t think money is the ticket to ride the spaceship,” Sunggyu said.

“What then?”

“Skill? I mean if you need to pick survivor from a humanity extinction, you’ll choose the clever one – the scientist, the botanist, the doctor, the engineer – those that can rebuild a whole new world with their skill.”

“You just killed my hope,” Sungyeol pouted and Sunggyu laughed, ruffling the younger’s hair. “Do you think they’ll accept our knife-dance skill? Or maybe I can convince them with my entertainment value?”

“What would our dance do for a new world, Yeol?” Sunggyu laughed.

“Oh I know! This face! They should let me in so I can give them my gene, making beautiful babies to fill up the future world,” he explained. “If they let me in, I’ll make sure to pull you in with me, Hyung.”

“Only if you take the other members as well,” Sunggyu caressed Sungyeol’s face as the younger scrunched it.

“Six people would be hard even for this face.”

“Don’t worry too much about it. I’m sure we won’t come to that point,” he repositioned himself to half-laying on the sofa and pulled Sungyeol on his laps. He was about to kiss him when Sungyeol pushed his face.

“Gross, I’m not kissing you when you just ate chicken.”

Sunggyu laughed. “Should we brush our teeth and sleep?”

“That’s better.”

-

Sungyeol was loud and demanding during the day, but he was docile in bed. The tall boy was curled up on his side, safe on his arms as Sunggyu peppered his head with soft kisses, just the way Sunggyu liked.

This was what Sunggyu lives for, to encircle his arm around the boys he loved, knowing well that they’re safe and content, healthy and happy. To protect them from any harm and wound, shield them from malicious words and hurtful actions.

The boys – yes – he meant the other members. All of the other members. There was nothing he would like more than having all of them gathered under his arms, curled up next to each other like kittens in a box. Alive and close to him.

Because that was who he was – a leader of a boy group who fell in love with his own members. All of them. Equally. Without exception.

When he told Woohyun, he said Sunggyu was taking his leader title too seriously. It was just a side effect of being overly responsible to the kids. He was just bothered by some remarks made by the kids that he was playing favorites, especially to Woohyun.

Sunggyu thought about it for a long time. But, he wasn’t sure it was his leader title that made his heart ache when he saw Sungjong cried over Sooyeol, or made his heart burst with desire as he saw Hoya and Dongwoo moved in fluid motion as they practice together in the dancing room, or when he was as happy as Myungsoo and Sungyeol themselves when they were being stupid together, laughing over some stupid jokes only the two of them understand.

And also the fact that he was actually still in love with Woohyun. Woohyun was special, always special. He was the one who picked him up when he was too tired to stand up from the burden as a leader. He was the one who listen to Sunggyu’s day as they lay in bed together, side by side. He was the one who looked at him past the eyes and straight to the soul.

He was very much in love with Woohyun. It was just he loves the other members as well.

So he didn’t think it was about him playing favorite. He couldn’t even favor one more than any other (he tried with Woohyun. It obviously didn’t work).

It was a foreign feeling, for someone as self centered as himself to love – not only another person – but a whole six of other people. But that loving part – is actually kind of selfish too, if he thought about it. And Sunggyu by nature was selfish person who never fought his desire.

“Do you want to talk about Woohyun?” Sungyeol’s fluff hair brushed against his chin as he tried to looked up to Sunggyu.

“There’s nothing to talk, really. He’s still not open to the idea of us not being monogamous.”

“But he’s always very good to me. It makes me feel guilty. Doesn’t he suppose to be angry with me?”

 _Who can get angry with you? Not even Myungsoo, even after you hurt him like that_.

Sometimes it was amazing how lenient people were toward Sungyeol. He used to hate that, before he sorted his feeling. He hated how people always baby Sungyeol – from Woohyun to Dongwoo to Myungsoo – even when Sungyeol was being insufferable brat. But now, he thought he understands why.

“How’s Myungsoo doing?” he asked instead.

“Passive, as usual. He still doesn’t do much. He still hurts over our break up, it seemed. I don’t dare to bring up a conversation about our relationship yet.”

“Let’s give him a little bit more time,” Sunggyu said as he rubbed Sungyeol’s back in circular motion. “And Sungjong?”

“I really don’t know. I only met him in a flash today.”

“Do you think they maybe did something before you came? Something like kissing Myungsoo? He won’t talk to me nowadays so I don’t know how much closer he is to Myungsoo now.”

“I don’t know. I really don’t. I don’t talk about relationship with Myungsoo. Although I noticed Sungjong is always looked angry about something nowadays.”

“About Hoya, maybe,” Sunggyu commented. The growing closeness between Hoya and Dongwoo and the resulted distance between Hoya and Sungjong didn’t escape his eyes.

“Shouldn’t you talk to them or something?”

“I messed Sungjong once with my advice,” Sunggyu said. “I don’t want to make the same mistake with Hoya and Dongwoo. Everything I tried to help Infinite – at least in relationship – failed,” Sunggyu said as he tilted Sungyeol’s chin upward and planted a deep, sweet kiss. “Except you.”

-

Sunggyu woke up from his alarm as he felt Sungyeol squirmed to get up beside him.

“Go back to bed,” he said to Sungyeol. “I’ll leave first. CEO-nim wants to meet me at 9.”

“Why so early?” Sungyeol whined.

“Honestly, I don’t know,” Sunggyu felt worry enveloped him. It was a sudden request, made very late at night yesterday. What could it probably be?”

“I’ll see you at Woollim, then?” Sungyeol looked at him with adorable sleepy eyes.

“Sure, I’ll watch you practice,” he leaned to kiss Sungyeol and soon he felt Sungyeol melted into his mouth.

The kiss had to end, sadly, and Sunggyu went to work.

-

Three of their six schedule were cancelled, that’s what their CEO wanted to talk with him.

“Why?” Sunggyu asked.

It was simple. People are taking out their investment – causing huge price fall to many big companies stocks – even the blue chips like Samsung, LG, and SK. The effect was – just as expected – economically chaotic. Those companies no longer had money to sponsor events – and without sponsor there was no event. 3 out of 6 was a big thing, especially considering this was summer – their most busy moment of the year beside end of year.

“Stupid people, they bring their own death faster,” their CEO hissed. “This is what exactly ends the world, not a giant asteroid.”

Sunggyu thought about Sungyeol’s mother, imagining her telling Sungyeol what to do with his investment as his son packed a box of chicken with extra radish kimchi – Sunggyu’s favorite.

“One person is smart, but people are stupid,” Sunggyu said, remembering the quote. Their CEO looked at him weird.

“What do you mean?” she asked.

“Ah, nothing,” Sunggyu said. “I’ll inform the kids later.”

“And Sunggyu, I think you should be prepared for earlier comeback.”

“Earlier comeback, Ma’am? With my foot like this?”

“You don’t have to dance,” she said. “Just sing. The sooner the better, I guess. Before the whole economy collapse and people can’t afford to stan idol group anymore.”

-

The kids were in the middle of dancing when he arrived at the practice room. They worked hard, Sunggyu could tell. They moved synchronically, their bodies remembered not only the choreo, but each other’s movement and rhythm, so they could maintain the same pace. It was a result of almost ten years of practicing together – counting their trainee days.

They were so beautiful that Sunggyu’s breath hitched. He was falling in love again. Again and again to the beautiful boys that were his own members.

When he told them the news, they were silent.

“You’re not going to say anything?” he challenged them.

“Is there even anything to say?” Sungjong said and Sunggyu fought the urge to gather their youngest into his embrace and told him that everything’s gonna be okay.

“At least we still have three,” Dongwoo said, always the optimist one and Sunggyu smiled, feeling proud of him.

“Yeah, three events are enough reason to keep practicing,” Hoya responded as he intertwined his hands with Dongwoo. Sunggyu looked at them, wishing he could put his hand there as well but Hoya raised his eyebrows, as if asking ‘what are you looking at?’ and he pulled himself together. He never told Hoya or Dongwoo about his feeling. At least not yet.

Myungsoo was blanking out as usual. Sungjong hovered around him as usual. Sungyeol was observing the oblivious two.

They were his members and having them close to him like this, even when they were doing absolutely nothing, brought him contentedness like nothing had ever given to him.

“Order some delivery for lunch,” he said. “I’ll pay.”

-

Sunggyu left at 3 PM. He had a musical practice in the afternoon. He pulled Sungyeol to the hallway after saying goodbye to the other.

“I think I will be there until almost midnight,” he said.

“That long?” Sungyeol was surprised.

“The actors this time were rather perfectionist, they like to extend their practice time,” Sunggyu said. “If you want to stay at my apartment, you can.”

“I’ll stay at my parents today,” Sungyeol said.

“Okay,” Sunggyu ruffled his hair.

“Practice hard,” Sungyeol leaned to peck him on the lips.

“Whoa, careful there. Not here,” he scolded the younger who stuck his tongue childishly.

“Who cares?” Sungyeol dived again for kiss.

Sunggyu would smack him if it was several years ago. Back then he found Sungyeol’s acting out and careless attitude so repulsive. Brat, he would always chided the boy. But now when he’s older, he found out that it was such a mature ability, to be honest but still in boundary, to stay so innocent and true in the midst of dirty entertainment industry.

He used to think being hard and cold is better. The world was harsh, he experienced that firsthand since childhood, and one had to be strong, or at least, pretended to be strong. Now he laughed at that thought. Weakness shouldn’t be hidden, it should be embraced. And Sungyeol never pretend to be stronger – or weaker – than he actually was.

He even found his own behavior more childish, actually. Calling out certain member for mistakes and delivering too harsh punishment, playing favorite and being selfish. If only he realized his feeling sooner, he would never do that. He would take care every single of his members’ needs – whether it was a decent rest or a hug when they were upset.

“See you tomorrow?” he asked.

“See you tomorrow,” Sungyeol waved him goodbye.

 

-

The practice was held in an art center in a university near Gangnam. Sunggyu drove slowly along Han River, music blasted from the speaker. It was Jaejoong’s song.

_Maybe I'm all alone on this path, but I don't have regrets._

 

That was true. He didn’t regret anything, even up to this point where his life was rather fucked up after his relationship failure with Woohyun. He’s chosen his path. He even accepted the loneliness that comes with his choice.

But he remembered Sungyeol, who came to him willingly even after knowing that Sunggyu’s love wasn’t exclusive, and will never be.

They were in Hongkong for a concert. It was messy time, after Woohyun and Myungsoo, when they found themselves in each other company in the hotel as the other members went out somewhere. Sunggyu asked why did Sungyeol break up with Myungsoo.

Sungyeol took him to a goldfish market. It was a place where goldfish seller put their little fishes inside a plastic bag and hang them row by row on display rack, creating a wall full of goldfish plastic aquarium. It was almost night, so it was quite empty and the LED lamps were shining on them, and the water inside the plastic bag reflected the light with a ripple, along with some dash of colors from the goldfishes, to their surroundings. It was pretty.

“Look at them,” Sungyeol said. “These goldfishes in plastic bag, even if they want to disappear, they won’t be able to.”

He asked back about why Sunggyu break up with Woohyun. Sunggyu told him the whole story and confessed.

“I’m actually in love with other member as well,” Sunggyu said as they squatted in front of a wooden box of goldfishes.

“Who?” they didn’t look at each other. They kept their eyes to the fish box.

“Hoya. Dongwoo. Sungjong. Myungsoo,” he said. “You.”

He could feel Sungyeol’s eyes leaving the goldfishes and landing on him instead.

“You love us?” Sungyeol asked. “The same way you love Woohyun?”

“Yeah,” was the only thing Sunggyu could say.

“That’s beautiful.”

Sunggyu looked up to Sungyeol, and he realized how amazing Sungyeol’s eyes were. They were so open, so honest – just like the whole thing about Sungyeol – and he could see sincerity in there.

That moment, he knew he was no longer alone.

-

He was distracted with uncommonly long line in every ATM booth he passed.

“Damn,” Sunggyu said.

He remembered what their CEO said. He remembered what Sungyeol’s Mom said.

He hoped there was an ATM machine at the university.

His player hummed a soft tune.

_Where does the good times go_  
Where does the river flow  
Where does the north wind blow  
Where does the good times go


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sungjong-centric, Myungjong-focused, and surprise invitation from Yadong

 

Sungjong opened his eyes exactly at 7 AM. It was his routine, to wake up early and to plan the rest of his day. Today is Thursday and he had practice and night acting class.

His parents were awake already, sitting on the dining room. His father had his nose buried in newspaper while his Mom was preparing lunchbox for his brothers. All of his family were morning people, except his two brothers of course, who hadn’t yet present themselves.

“Man, our economy might crash sooner than we think,” his father shook his head as he read the newspaper. “If the government or central bank keep doing nothing, our economic accomplishment during the last 50 years might collapse in just one night.”

“At least our people still trust government even when the world’s ending,” Sungjong took a glass of orange juice. “If our politic is less stable, we may already in the middle of riot right now,” he pointed to their TV that was airing a mass demonstration in Thailand.

His father snorted, “believe me Sungjong-ah, those riots is less about the world end and more about power.”

-

When Sungjong opened the practice room door, he let out a delighted sound when he saw Woohyun.

“Woohyun Hyung! How have you been?” he approached the older.

 “Yah Lee Sungjong!” Woohyun grinned. “Long time no see.”

“Are you free today?” Sungjong asked. It felt like the last time he practiced with Woohyun was forever ago.

 “No, I have fansign and M Countdown today. Too bad.”

Sungjong looked around. Everybody was there, minus Sunggyu and Sungyeol, who had not yet show their nose.

“You must be so tired,” Myungsoo said. “Don’t work too hard, Hyung. What’s the point anyway when the world is ending?”

Sungjong wanted to smack Myungsoo for bringing up that lame world end joke but Woohyun looked at him questioningly. “What do you mean?”

The rest of them looked back at Woohyun. “What do you mean with what do you mean? You don’t know about it?”

“Is that a new trending word or something? What’s the meaning?”

“What are you up to? It’s the end of the world,” Hoya said, thinking that Woohyun was acting to prank them. Sungjong didn’t think so, Woohyun was flabbergasted.

“Shit, he isn’t acting,” Hoya realized and Dongwoo started to laugh, finding it funny.

“Of course I don’t! Hey, explain it to me. What?”

“It’s not a trending word,” Hoya said. “And there’s nothing to explain. It’s literally the end of the world.”

“Our earth will collide with a giant meteor in two years, Hyung,” Sungjong offered somewhat more detailed explanation. “It’s all over the news.”

“What?” Woohyun exclaimed. “Are you sure? You’re not pranking me, aren’t you? Is this April’s Fools or something?”

“It’s May,” Hoya rolled his eyes. “And no, we’re not pranking you. Just look in the internet.”

Woohyun pulled out his phone in a lightning speed.

“Good morning!” Sungyeol greeted as he entered the room, Sunggyu in tow.

“What’s with the commotion?” Sunggyu frowned his eyebrows in distaste.

“Oh, Woohyunie!” Sungyeol screamed. “Are you joining us today?”

“Don’t disturb him, he’s in the middle of mental breakdown,” Myungsoo said.

“What mental breakdown?”

“He doesn’t know about the meteor,” Hoya answered.

“What? Really?” Sungyeol said in disbelief.

 Woohyun was looking at his phone with parted lips, creased forehead.

“Let me advise you something important, Hyung,” Sungyeol said. “Call your bank and take out all of your investment. Everything’s falling apart these days.”

“Shit,” Woohyun cursed. “They’ve been calling me since yesterday but I was too busy to pick up.”

“Call them now!” all of them urged. Woohyun, now pale, dialed a number as he went to the hall.

“I lost 50% of my total investment,” Hoya said. “Sucks. How much do you lose?”

“10%,” Sungyeol said. “I took them out early.”

“Damn,” Hoya said. “It crashed so fast.”

Sungjong himself didn’t lose much, thanks to both of his parents being a university lecturer who know one or two thing about economy and investment.

Woohyun came back with a better expression.

“How much?” Sungyeol asked.

“30%.”

“What? How come it less than mine?”

“I only invest in low risk invesment,” Woohyun said. “But this still sucks.”

The mood was getting depressing. They chatted quietly about how terrible it was when Sunho Hyung called Woohyun to get ready. They waved him goodbye.

Hoya looked so upset that Sungjong want to pat his head but someone beat him to it.

“Cheer up, Howon-ah. You never put a lot in your investment anyway. So your 50% isn’t that much.”

Sungjong swallowed some ready-to-serve comfort words as he looked at the others.

“Should we start?”

-

They end practice at 4 PM as usual. Sunggyu and Sungyeol left the minute the music stopped and Myungsoo already packed his bag. Sungjong didn’t really want to be left alone in the room with Hoya and Dongwoo so he also reached for his bag, packed his charger and jacket as fast as possible.

“Sungjong-ah,” Hoya said and Sungjong really wasn’t in the mood to respond when Myungsoo said at the same time, “Are you free tonight Sungjong-ah?”

“Yes,” Sungjong said quickly.

His mouth need to be trained to be more prideful when Myungsoo was involved.

“Can you help me practicing my script? I just got it today,” Myungsoo showed him a brand new script for his drama.

“Sure,” Sungjong said. Myungsoo smiled to thank him and led him to the door as he said goodbye. “We’ll go first, Hyungdeul.”

Hoya and Dongwoo exchanged looks but say nothing except, “Yeah, Myungsoo-ya.”

“Your place?” Sungjong asked once they were in the hallway.

“Actually, I’m thinking somewhere farther.”

“Huh? Where?”

“How’s your driving practice going?”

“I haven’t been practicing.”

It was the truth. The last time he drove was for Showtime. He never interested in driving anyway. Myungsoo let out an excited ‘yes’.

“Then let’s have you practice now!”

“What?” Sungjong halted his steps.

“Hop in!” Myungsoo unlocked his car as he jump into the driver seat.

“You said you want me help you practice your script?”

“Later,” Myungsoo said, gesturing him to sit on the passenger seat. Sungjong obeyed.

“I thought you want me to practice driving?”

“Not here. I said somewhere farther.”

They head northwest, drove past Seoul, passed the highway, passed the Gyeonggi-do province gate. Sungjong asked where they were going but Myungsoo refused to tell him except with cryptic answer.

Sungjong didn’t dare to hope but he remembered about Myungsoo’s secret getaway. All members knew that Myungsoo knows beautiful places all over Korea that were well hidden and quiet. Places that weren’t a tourist destination but could easily be one. It was the ability he nurtured as he started photographing landscapes.

They saw the pictures from Myungsoo’s camera and Sungjong lost count at how many times the hyungs beg Myungsoo to brought them but the boy never did, except for one person. Sungyeol.

Could it be that Myungsoo is bringing him to one of that places?

The road were ascending into a hill and when they passed through the top Sungjong could see sea. It was glistening brightly under the summer afternoon sun. Sungjong was immediately charmed with the beautiful scenery.

“I never thought West Sea could be this mesmerizing,” he said in awe. He couldn’t took his eyes off the silver sea. “You want me to practice driving there?”

“It’s lonely there,” Myungsoo said. He was all smile. “You don’t have to worry about other vehicles. Also, the road’s pretty much straight so it’s not dangerous. It’s good for practice.”

Sungjong felt all warm from Myungsoo’s consideration. Oh, and he found Myungsoo’s choice of word ‘lonely’ adorable and he let a hearty, happy laugh. As they arrived at the coastal road, Myungsoo asked him to switch places.

Sungjong accepted and readied himself to drive. Myungsoo was right, the road was empty and they only encountered one or two vehicles every 10 minutes or so. It was so freeing and Sungjong enjoyed every second of his driving. Myungsoo’s getaway spot was not disappointing indeed.

Myungsoo turned off the AC and opened the window. Sea wind breezed into their car.

“You come here often?” Sungjong asked.

“Nowadays, not really,” Myungsoo was facing the ocean from his opened window. He had his eyes closed as he enjoyed the wind on his face.

“Before?”

“Just passing by.”

Sungjong almost stopped smiling but he caught himself in time. So this was not the infamous secret getaway place. Maybe this was only the road to the getaway place. But, the sun was setting and it was highly doubtful that Myungsoo would bring him somewhere farther.

“Look at the sunset,” Myungsoo pointed to the ocean. “It’s pretty.”

“Should I stop?”

“Yeah. Let’s stop here.”

Sungjong parked the car on the side of the road. Myungsoo took out his camera and gestured to Sungjong to follow him.

They stepped out of the road and into the sand. If the sea in sunset glow was beautiful from the car, then it was breathtaking when they were out in the open air. Myungsoo started photographing the sunset as Sungjong made himself comfortable on a big rock.

In this beautiful place he could easily forget about how this one was not supposed to be Myungsoo’s secret getaway spot. For Sungjong, it was good enough to qualify as one.

“Aaaah if only we bought snack and drink before we came here,” he stretched his body. The temperature was perfect, the wind was cool, and the waves sound was calming.

“Yeah, I totally forget to buy them,” Myungsoo replied as he got back from his photography session and sat himself beside Sungjong. They sat in silence, enjoying the sun and the sea.

Sungjong eyed Myungsoo’s side profile. He looked so handsome and serene, looking to the horizon faraway in front of them. What could he probably think? What could he probably want? Sungjong was good at reading people, but right now he didn’t know what was going on Myungsoo’s mind.

But he sure knew what was going on _his own_ mind.

“Let’s go back to the car,” Sungjong said. Myungsoo looked confused.

“But the sun hasn’t out yet?” Myungsoo questioned but Sungjong had already walked to their car.

“Sungjong-ah!” Myungsoo called him from behind as he hurriedly chase him. To be honest, he actually was surprised that Myungsoo followed him.

“Look, it’s pretty too, here,” Sungjong said as they sat on the car. Myungsoo pouted.

“It’s better outside.”

“No, it’s not,” Sungjong replied as he face Myungsoo and brought his face closer. “Because I can’t kiss you there.”

Sungjong could hear Myungsoo’s hitched breath and it was enough to encourage him to go for Myungsoo’s lips. He could feel Myungsoo accepted his kiss, his mouth opened slightly to welcome Sungjong’s. His tongue swept Sungjong’s lips and Sungjong reciprocated, their tongues danced slowly inside their mouths. Myungsoo tasted sweet, just like his personality, and Sungjong’s heart exploded into million pieces of feelings – happiness, contentedness, actually Sungjong wasn’t sure if he could label those feelings with name. It was the feeling of finally meeting someone you missed for your entire life. If he wasn’t kissing Myungsoo, he could cry. Myungsoo’s hands were in his neck and the back of his head, pulling him closer and Sungjong was sure he couldn’t stop kissing even if he tried.

Sungjong couldn’t decide how long they make out, but the sky was completely dark when they were done.

“Oh God.” Myungsoo said, breathless, debauched, swollen lips and red cheeks and messed hair and lustful eyes and it took all of Sungjong’s willpower not to kiss him again. So, instead he said, “It’s already dark.”

“Should we go home?” Myungsoo said in unsteady voice. He was also in the middle of composing himself. His hands were shaking when he retrieved them from Sungjong’s back.

“Sure. You want me to drive until your apartment?” Sungjong asked.

“Actually, you don’t have to drive me home,” Myungsoo answered. Sungjong shot him a questioning eyes. “Let’s cancel the script reading practice.”

“What? Why?” Sungjong was surprised. He tried to read into Myungsoo’s eyes but the boy’s bang was getting in the way.

“I’m tired,” Myungsoo said.

_Bullshit._

The exploding happiness he felt just a minute ago was replaced with a painful twinge of rejection – an all too familiar feeling for him. Sungjong wanted to get angry at Myungsoo – who always lure him to go into Myungsoo’s heart only to throw him out before he even reaches it. He wanted to get angry – because Myungsoo hurt him for so many times already – intentionally or not. But he couldn’t even open his mouth to protest.

Only now he realized  that he never get angry to Myungsoo – because he couldn’t.  

“We can switch if you want. I’ll drop you at your house?” Myungsoo attempted to switch into casual conversation.

“No,” Sungjong said coldly. “Drop me at my acting academy.”

Myungsoo looked at him surprised. “You said you don’t have schedule!”

“I don’t. This is not schedule. This is what I’m doing in my free time. Since we originally want to read script I don’t mind not coming today. But you cancel the practice, I might as well go to the class.”

Of course it wasn’t like that. He did cancel his schedule for Myungsoo. But Myungsoo didn’t have to know. Especially not after now.

“Won’t you be late?” Myungsoo asked guiltily.

“I won’t. I’m taking late night class.”

“Why?”

“Avoiding crowd.”

“You must be popular.”

“Not really. Most of my classmates are men.“

There was no reply from Myungsoo, so Sungjong continued. “I’ll drive until the highway and we can switch from there.”

They didn’t converse, or even attempted to. The journey was silent and uncomfortable. As he drove pass the road to go back to Seoul, Sungjong wondered how they could pass the same road with a totally different feeling. He was full of anticipation and excitement several hours ago, and the roadside scenery was warm and beautiful with golden hue from afternoon sunshine. Now, it was pitch dark outside the window, they hardly could see anything and Sungjong could only feel as if he was failing a test of some sort.

-

He nodded his head to Myungsoo to say thank before his car left and went into the building without even waiting to see Myungsoo’s reply.

Class ended at 11 PM and Sungjong started to worry about how to go home. The options were to call his brother to pick him up or just ask for a lift from Chanmi, one of his classmates who brought his own car and lived at the same building with Sungjong.

“Chanmi-yah, can you give me a ride home today?” he poked the girl who sits in front of him. Chanmi was a nice girl and he had known her for a year since their first class, so Sungjong felt safe enough to ask for a ride. 

“Sure,” she said. “Hoya is busy again?” she asked.

Right. For the past year it was Hoya who brought him here and picked him up. Every Thursday for a year without fail, to the point that all of his classmates recognized Hoya even when they didn’t follow idol group. Every Thursday for a year, until last month at least. When they broke up (was broke up even the right term? They weren’t even together in the first place) Sungjong told him not to bother with it again.

But when they arrived at the parking lot, Chanmi nudged him.

“I think you already have someone to pick you up,” she pointed at Hoya who was leaning on his car, waiting for him. He didn’t even bother to hide his face with mask or cap because it’s late anyway and just like Sungjong said before, they weren’t that popular here.

He wasn’t sure what Hoya was doing but thanked Chanmi and cancelled his ride before he went to Hoya.

“What are you doing here?” he asked and if his tone was rather stony he didn’t care.

“I’m picking you up,” Hoya opened his eyes and smiled.

“Are you my stalker or something? How do you know I’m here?”

“I still remember your schedule Sungjong-ah.”

Hoya opened the back door and gestured him to enter. Back door? Oh shit it means....

Right. Dongwoo was in passenger seat.

Sungjong forced a smile, “Hi, Dongwoo Hyung.”

“Hi, Sungjong,” Dongwoo greeted him back and he couldn’t help but change his smile into a more sincere one. Dongwoo was never on his problem anyway. It was Hoya. As the main dancer entered the car, Sungjong asked.

“What is this with you picking me up?”

“Let’s eat something together,” Hoya answered as if it was their normal picking Sungjong up from acting school every Thursday without Dongwoo on the passenger seat.

“Samgyeopsal!” Dongwoo chirped happily.

“Call,” Hoya said as he started the engine.

-

They arrived at a barbeque place in Hongdae. It was the one they usually visit because it has a private place in the second floor. Sungjong noticed that the restaurant wasn’t as crowded as usual.

“Two servings of pork belly please, Ahjumma!” Hoya ordered as they went into the second floor.

“And two bottles of soju too,” Dongwoo added before he turned to Sungjong. “Did your class go well, Sungjong-ah?”

“It was well,” Sungjong said. They proceeded to a casual, not dangerous conversation about daily life and their next album and such and Sungjong was surprised at how easy the conversation was. He didn’t feel jealous at all, or even angry. Maybe it was a nice distraction after the mess he experienced with Myungsoo before.

Not long after two plate of pork arrived, along with their soju.

“Thank you, Ahjumma,” Hoya said politely as Dongwoo started to grill. The appetizing smell and sound of grilled meat started to make Sungjong salivate. He just realized that he hadn’t eaten since lunch and it was almost midnight.

“You didn’t eat dinner with Myungsoo?” Hoya asked with arched eyebrow.

“We forgot to buy food,” Sungjong answered.

“What were you doing until you forget your dinner? I don’t even know it is possible for Myungsoo to forget food,” Hoya commented.

“Well, apparently some things can distract him from food,” Sungjong said nonchalantly. Hoya suddenly coughed and pretended that he inhaled some samgyeopsal smoke and the tip of Dongwoo’s ears were red. Sungjong rolled his eyes.

“It wasn’t like that you pervert. I was helping him taking photos.”

Well, not entirely true but might as well, judging how their shared kiss was actually based only on Sungjong’s feeling.

“What about you two? What were you doing after practice?” Sungjong asked, tried to tease them back. If it were them, they were most likely spend the evening with sex.

“We were talking,” Hoya said and Sungjong snorted.

“Sure, talking.”

“No, really, we’re just talking.”

“What is it you were talking about from 4 PM to 11 PM?” Sungjong asked.

“We’re talking about you, Sungjong,” Dongwoo said.

Okay, they had passed the casual conversation territory and arrived at the serious talk. Sungjong put down his chopsticks and poured himself some soju instead.

“Why would you talk about me?”

“It was... it’s just we’ve noticed how you and Hoya’s relationship are falling apart these days.”

If it was Hoya who said that, Sungjong knew he’d rolled his eyes (God his eyes might not go back to its normal position after he rolled them so much this night) and replied with a sarcastic comment (“well, guess why?”). But, he didn’t feel the same way when Dongwoo said it. Maybe because it was Dongwoo.

“I don’t want to disturb you two,” Sungjong shrugged.

“Actually, I knew about you and Hoya,” Dongwoo said. Sungjong didn’t even surprised. They hardly hid anything from the members although they didn’t flaunt themselves as well. Sungjong wondered where Dongwoo is going with this conversation.

The thing between him and Hoya started simple – Sungjong was broken hearted because of Sooyeol, Hoya was broken hearted because he just broke up from Dongwoo. They were roommate at that time, so it was easy to confess their problem to each other. One night the comfort they offered went further than usual, and their thing started. But they weren’t dating. It was just, well, comforting each other.

“Then you know already that whatever it was between us, it was nothing,” he said as he sipped his drink. Hoya was visibly tensed but Sungjong ignored him (and his urge to roll his eyes again).

“If it was nothing,” Dongwoo said. “You wouldn’t be so angry, Sungjong-ah.”

Sungjong pondered Dongwoo’s statement. Was he angry? His thing with Hoya continued even after Sooyeol broke up and Sungjong started to chase Myungsoo. They still worked because Myungsoo rejected him. But when Hoya and Dongwoo got back together, of course their thing would stop working, because unlike Sungjong, Hoya wasn’t rejected.

Maybe it was why he got angry.

“It’s true that I was angry,” Sungjong said carefully as he filled his glass again. “But now that I’ve think about it, maybe I wasn’t angry at you guys. It’s just my break up with Hoya – that is if it’s even can be called break up – triggered my anger, but it’s not the main reason why I was angry.”

Sungjong thought about Myungsoo and what happened today. He didn’t even realized that he couldn’t get angry to him until this evening. It was always Myungsoo, the reason he was angry all the time, but he lashed it out on Hoya and Dongwoo.

“Actually,” he continued. “Now that I can see properly, you two are very cute.”

Dongwoo beamed and actually glowed but Hoya didn’t look convinced.

“Are you drunk already?”

“No,” he waved his hands. Just because Sungjong deliberately never drink more than a bottle of alcohol every time they drink together didn’t mean he can’t hold his liquor. “I’m just... I only realized that I’ve been acting unfair to you.”

“So, it means you forgive us?” Dongwoo asked.

“Nothing to forgive really. If anyone should forgive it should be you who forgive me because I’ve been lashing out my anger to you. I was so stupid,” he slurred.

“You’re drunk, Sungjong-ah,” Hoya said.

“I’m not,” he was still coherent, he was still making sense, right?

“Did something happen with Myungsoo?”

He forgot how he and Hoya got together at the first place. It was because the older was mature and caring. He always know when Sungjong had a hard time even before Sungjong told him.

“I... just...” Sungjong felt so familiar with that voice, laced with concern. “I’m so pathetic when it’s about Myungsoo Hyung, you know? I lost count at how many times I’ve been hurt by him but I can’t even get angry to him. I can’t even ignore him, I keep coming back to him like a fool.”

“Sungjong-ah...” Hoya was quick to be at his side. Warm, strong hand rubbed his back. He could feel his eyes prickled with newly formed tears.

With hazy eyes he could see Hoya and Dongwoo exchanged a concerned look, and then Dongwoo leaned into him across the table to look straight into his eyes.

“Actually, Sungjong-ah, the reason we want to talk to you today is because Hoya miss you,” he said.

Sungjong blinked away his tears. That was unexpected.

“Nice to know, Hyung. Thanks,” he responded accordingly.

“He really miss you.”

“I’m _really_ thankful?”

“No, I mean, even when he is with me, he miss you. He couldn’t forget the time you spent together. He always worries about you Sungjong-ah. About you and Myungsoo.” And then Dongwoo added shyly, “and I’m worried too.”

There was more in that sentence but Sungjong for the love of god couldn’t figure out what.

“What do you mean? Tell me clearly what do you mean?”

“We mean, if you’re up to the idea,” Hoya finally said, “we would like you to enter our relationship.”

“What?” Sungjong suddenly felt a headache coming.

“I was... my feeling to you was real, Sungjong-ah. That’s why it hurts me for real when we were still together but I know the only one you care is Myungsoo. That’s why I left you.”

Now the headache was definitely coming. His head started to throb.

“What? How can you say that in front of Dongwoo?” he accused Hoya.

“Dongwoo and I have talked about this,” Hoya answered. “Actually, Dongwoo also loves you.”

“I really, really admire you Sungjong-ah. All this time, without telling anyone,” Dongwoo said. “I was happy when you and Hoya were together because you were perfect for each other. When you left Hoya for Myungsoo, I couldn’t stand to see Hoya hurting and alone. And now, when Hoya left you, I don’t want to see you miserable like this.”

“We decided that we want you in our relationship, Sungjong-ah. We both love you,” Hoya added.

Sungjong looked between Dongwoo and Hoya in disbelief. This was not what he expected from this late night dining.

“This is too sudden,” Sungjong said. He was emotionally exhausted, with a mess with Myungsoo in the afternoon and now suddenly he learned the truth about Dongwoo and Hoya’s feeling for him and he got a threesome proposal to answer.

“Of course we don’t expect you to reply right away,” Dongwoo said, noticing his tired expression. “Think it through after a good meal and a good rest, Sungjong-ah. You look so drained. But we are serious, we love you and we would like to make you happy.”

-

That night, on his bed, Sungjong was beyond exhausted, both physically and emotionally, and worst of all – he couldn’t sleep.

He changed his position every damn minute but his mind couldn’t stop working.

How big was his chance with Myungsoo? Myungsoo was surely still not over Sungyeol, but Sunggyu and Sungyeol didn’t look like they were going to break up anytime soon. To everyone’s surprise, their relationship actually worked. If he was patient enough, would he get Myungsoo? But it had been two freaking years and look at what happened today.

On the other hand, while he was attracted and comfortable to Hoya, he was sure his love to Hoya wasn’t even half as much as his love to Myungsoo. Would it worth to go into a relationship even if he knew Hoya isn’t the one he wants? Did he even love Dongwoo? But those two were genuine, Sungjong could see. He remembered what Dongwoo said.

_“But we are serious, we love you and we would like to make you happy.”_

Giving up, Sungjong went to the bathroom and took a sleeping pill instead.

 

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Woohyun-centric, tiny bit of Woogyu, Wookey BFF-ery, and 2woo

The night when he officially finished promotion, Woohyun felt a rush of emptiness within him. The feeling was so strong it knocked him to his knees when he closed his apartment door.

_What would I do from now?_

They were scheduled for group comeback at fall (it was postponed from the original date in the summer), but after learning about the end of the world, Woohyun had been more skeptical toward things, including schedule. They could be cancelled at any moment.

It felt like a crash after a high period.

For so long, almost two years, he survived from his break up by focusing on his solo album. _Focusing_ , he chuckled. _More like obsessing._ It felt good to have things big enough to rival his unsalvageable relationship to occupy his mind. When he was in the production process, he would stay awake late to finish the composition, because he won’t be able to sleep anyway, and doing nothing at late night tend to make his mind drift into the thought of Sunggyu.

Sunggyu, the only man he ever truly loved. The only man Woohyun could relate all of the songs he sing to. He never had a feeling as intense as he felt for the other man.

Woohyun wasn’t even sure when did it started. After debut, yes, but maybe the seed of attraction was planted far long before it. Woohyun still remembers Sunggyu’s face the first time he met him: thin, pale, and always scowling. It left a big impression on Woohyun, it was a mirror of his own face, except the lips. Where Sunggyu was thin in displeasure, Woohyun was always smiling. But, those were just a different mask to cover the same thing: uncertainty.

Uncertainty was a friend of every trainee, but he found himself gravitating only toward Sunggyu. Woohyun was like a clay, he was adaptable and less difficult to deal with. When other people wanted him to do something, as long as it was not senseless or purposeless, Woohyun would gladly do it. Sunggyu was different, he was a mold, strong and unchanging. He had his standard and won’t accept any other ideas from other people that try to change him.

So it was interesting to see him training hard to make the cut for Woollim’s boy group project.

“If you hate idol, why are you here?” Woohyun asked one day after another day of Sunggyu scowling nonstop since they entered the practice room. Woohyun didn’t understand back then that not everybody genuinely want to be an idol.

“I have no other choice. Sometimes life doesn’t go as we planned,” the elder was sitting on the bench, exhausted after a hard dance routine.

“So, that’s what it takes to change your mind?” Woohyun asked. “A ‘no choice’?”

“Maybe,” Sunggyu shrugged. “But no choice seldom happens to me. This is the only major no choice situation I’ve encountered in my whole life.”

“How different, me and you. I’m here because of my choice. You’re here because you have no choice.”

Maybe Woohyun offended Sunggyu that day because after that Sunggyu worked even harder. Less scowl and less complaints. Definitely less talking to Woohyun. But, Woohyun noticed how his eyes gleamed in different way than before.

Sunggyu practiced vocal heavily and managed to snatch the lead vocal position. He even went to CEO Lee Jungyeop himself to volunteer as leader. Nothing in his behavior screamed uncertainty anymore and Woohyun almost jealous because every night his heart still ache with the same fear of uncertainty.

They began to talk two weeks before debut. A year later, Sunggyu kissed him the night after they won Be Mine.

“What was that for?” Woohyun asked, Sunggyu’s taste lingered in his lips longer than he thought.

“A thanks,” Sunggyu said.

“For what?”

“I won’t make it without you,” Sunggyu dived for another kiss as they stumbled into the mattress. Woohyun only took two seconds before he kissed back.

“I thought you hate me,” he mumbled in the middle of the kiss.

“How could I? You’re the one that teach me how to live as an idol.”

When Woohyun gazed at Sunggyu’s eyes, the only thing he saw was love, pride, and happiness and Woohyun was thrilled to think that he was one of the cause of the change. It was then when he sealed their ambiguous relationship into a clear, definite one.

_Shit._

_Only an hour after last schedule and I’m already thinking about him._

Woohyun stumbled into his bed. If he was tired enough, maybe he could sleep immediately without thinking of Sunggyu, like he did for almost a month during his solo promotion.

No such luck.

After constantly surrounded by other people – his manager, his stylist, other celebrities and crews on the show he visits – his apartment felt awfully lonely and cold. He was the first one to move out of the dorm, because he couldn’t spend more time looking at Sunggyu and Sungyeol without feeling like going crazy.

What were they doing right now? Sleeping? Having a late night snack? Watching movie? Or just lying in the bed and talk? Maybe the last, because that was Sunggyu’s favorite couple activity. Cuddling and some sex in between.

_Stop it._

Woohyun contemplated to call other members, or just anybody, to keep him company. His hands hovered over his phone screen. Dongwoo? Hoya? Myungsoo? Before he thought further, his phone vibrated. Sungjong’s name sprawled on the screen and Woohyun’s finger pressed accept even before his mind commanded him to.

“Hello?”

“Hyung?”

“Sungjong-ah!”

“Congratulation on finishing promotion. Where are you?”

“Thanks, I’m at home right now.”

“Are you with someone?”

“No. I’m alone.”

“Can I come over?”

“Sure!”

When Sungjong arrived with cans of beer and a box of pepperoni and cheese pizza, Woohyun already made a pot of ramyeon with kimchi because he was so eager to welcome his company. Only after they settled themselves in front of TV Woohyun realized that Sungjong rarely seeks his company and he didn’t really know why the youngest was here.

“Can’t I just be here and accompany you to celebrate your finished promo?” Sungjong asked him.

“Did I say that out loud?” Woohyun was mortified.

“It’s okay, it’s true that we don’t really hang out – just the two of us.”

“Well, I’m still thankful you’re here. I have no one else,” Woohyun said and internally flinched because the last part sounded too true.

“I have no one else, too,” he said and Woohyun raised an eyebrow.

“Really? You have Myungsoo, Hoya, Sunggyu, Dongwoo. They adore you.”

“Things happened and I can’t really talk about this to them...”

“Talk about what?” Woohyun now saw the real reason why Sungjong was here. Sungjong wanted to tell him something, although he was still not sure why.

Sungjong shifted uncomfortably, a can of beer in his right hand.

“You know I love Myungsoo,” he started. Woohyun ate his pizza.

“Honestly, everybody does.”

“Yeah, but nobody knows that I confessed to him and he rejected me.”

“What? You confessed? When?”

“Early last year, I think.”

Woohyun blinked. “Well...” he didn’t really know what to say. “Don’t you think you confessed too soon? Maybe Myungsoo was not over Sungyeol.”

“I thought so too, that time.”

“Then why?”

“Sunggyu Hyung suggested me to,” Sungjong chuckled. “And I follow his advice.”

Woohyun snorted. “He said that?”

Sungjong nodded.

“He is trying hard to make us love each other, isn’t he?” Woohyun sipped his beer. Sungjong looked at him curiously.

“What do you mean?”

“Nothing,” Woohyun said. “So, that left Myungsoo, Sungyeol, and Sunggyu out of the list of people to talk this to.”

“Yeah.”

“So why don’t you go to Hoya?”

“Because I’m going to talk about Hoya.”

“What about him?”

“He wants me in his relationship with Dongwoo.”

Woohyun stopped chewing his pizza.

“Say that again?”

“He wants me in his relationship with Dongwoo.”

Woohyun was lost for word.

Hoya invited Sungjong for a threesome relationship with Dongwoo?

Looked like Sunggyu wasn’t the only one obsessed with polyamorous relationship.

He felt his anger rising. It was familiar, the one that had been growing inside his heart even since Sunggyu did the exact same thing long before Hoya did, except he didn’t want only Sungjong, he wanted the whole five other members.

How dare Hoya asked such request? Wasn’t Dongwoo enough? Why must he dragged Sungjong into this?

“It had kept me awake for days now. I couldn’t look at them or speak to them at the dance practice because it was too awkward. I haven’t make up my mind.

I still love Myungsoo but I don’t think I have chance anymore. Would it be better to accept their offer instead of hurting alone? But the thing is I know my love for Hoya isn’t as big as my love for Myungsoo, and I don’t even know if I love Dongwoo romantically.”

“Then what are you waiting for? Tell him no!”

“Why?” Sungjong asked him questioningly, clearly surprised by Woohyun’s strong reaction.

“Obvious, isn’t it? He wants you to be the third person, Sungjong. It’s threesome.”

“The threesome part was never a problem, Hyung,” Sungjong looked at him as if he was missing a point. “The problem is I don’t know my feeling for them.”

Woohyun was stunned. Here was another supporter of polyamory. Who knows that there were so many of them in the group?

Did Sunggyu know this?

“You really think it’s okay to have relationship not exclusive to one person?” Woohyun asked the youngest, who shrugged his shoulders.

“It’s okay as long as all the people involved truly love each other, and not just because they put up with his or her partner’s wish to polyamory.”

Woohyun massaged his temple and sipped more beer.

He was not sure whether he prefers this headache or the loneliness.

-

The next morning Woohyun woke up he stayed in bed for a long time before deciding where to go today. He ended up in a secluded, high class coffee shop in Gangnam with Key. The one who suggested the place is of course his best friend.

“Honestly it shocked me,” he told Key. “It’s as if I don’t even know my own member anymore. Since when all of them are supporter of polyamory?”

“Maybe since you’re too busy closing yourself off from everybody after your break up?” Key said as he looked up to the Han River view from the cafe. The cafe was located at the 5th floor of a building and it had perfect view of the river – not too high, not too low.

“I didn’t,” Woohyun said as he sipped his latte, feigning innocence as Key shot him a dirty look but didn’t comment anything.

“Maybe I’m the last person you want to ask to about this, Woohyun-ah. You know I myself are in a polyamory relationship.”

“Right, I forgot SHINee is actually just a giant act of orgy.” Key grinned.

“That’s very true. I regret nothing, including my sore ass and aching jaw this morning.”

“Key! Spare me the detail!” Woohyun complained.

“Sorry, Woohyun-ah, but you’re fun to tease when it comes to this. Like a virgin,” Key grinned even more widely. Woohyun scowled.

“By the way, you won’t mind if Jonghyunnie join us later, right?”

“Yeah, yeah. I know how your boyfriends want to make sure you’re protected.”

“At least it’s just one boyfriend today,” Key sighed.

“Are you planning to go somewhere?”

“Just accompany Jonghyun to buy some old record in Hongdae. Hey, you want to come with us? Hongdae’s near your place.”

“No, thanks. I don’t want to tag along in your date,” Woohyun made a face but then his expression changed into a grimace. “But I don’t have anything to do after this. Oh, wait. Kibum-ah, let’s just make another album for Toheart!”

“What? Experiencing that mess of fanwar again? Hell no. Plus, I got four boyfriends who always get jealous whenever I hang out with you. Toheart ain’t happening again. At least, not on my initiative.”

“What should I do then?” his sound came out more desperate than Woohyun hoped. Key turned serious all of a sudden.

“Woohyun-ah, why don’t you just give it a try?”

“No.”

“I don’t mean to try the relationship. I mean, instead of shutting off the idea from the get go, why not find out more about it first? Maybe then you can understand people like me and Sunggyu.”

_Understand what?_

Woohyun just wanted a simple relationship with Sunggyu. A relationship just the two of them, where Sunggyu will only look at him and he will do the same. A relationship where Woohyun didn’t need to see Sunggyu give the same affection and attention to someone else.

 Was it that hard to understand?

-

After Key and Jonghyun left, Woohyun decided to go to Woollim. He could try composing another song in the individual practice room. It was a rare day off for the group practice, so he didn’t expect to meet Dongwoo in one of practice room.

“Dongwoo-yah!” he grabbed the elder quickly as if he could slip away. Well, he could, Woohyun remembered Sungjong’s telling him about Hoya, Dongwoo and their offer to Sungjong. Or maybe Woohyun just desperately need something to hold onto.

“Woohyun?” Dongwoo laughed and greeted him back. “What are you doing?”

“Honestly, nothing. I was thinking of making some composition. What about you? Practicing alone even in day off?”

“I just met the CEO. I was getting offer to guest in a new variety,” Dongwoo’s eyes was shiny and full of happiness.

“Really? Wow, that’s good for you, Dongwoo-yah. What variety?” Woohyun’s eyes lightened up, mirroring Dongwoo’s emotion.

“It’s a new variety to lift people’s mood from world end depression,” Dongwoo said. “You wouldn’t believe how many people were actually affected by this. I didn’t know myself until I read the program brief. In Korea alone 17 million people were diagnosed with depression. That’s a third of our population Woohyun-ah!”

“That really suits you,” Woohyun said seriously. “If any of us is capable to lift up mankind’s spirit, it’s you Dongwoo-yah.”

Dongwoo let out his trademark laugh. Woohyun forgot the last time he heard that laugh. _Man, he was really busy_. And between his busyness he forgot about Dongwoo, one of his most cherished member beside Sunggyu, and probably he had a hard time with his relationship with Hoya lately, considering Sungjong’s story last night.

“Dongwoo-yah, do you have some time?”

“Sure. Why?”

“I want to talk to you about something.”

“What is that? I’m curious!”

“Let’s go to the rooftop?” Woohyun asked and Dongwoo nodded. They got off from the lift at the highest floor then continued upstairs.

They were reaching the end of summer, so the wind felt cool as it brushed their face. The sun was setting, putting an orange glow to the entire city. The rooftop was bare from anything – plants or bench or even garbage. Dongwoo went to the edge first, putting his arm on the railing as he closed his eyes and faced the sunlight. Woohyun followed him.

“I heard about you and Sungjong...” he said as he took his place beside Dongwoo.

“Me and Sungjong?” Dongwoo didn’t seem like he get it. He raised his eyebrows questioningly.

“And Hoya,” Woohyun added.

“Oh,” Dongwoo understood now, his mouth forming an O. “Who told you, Nam-goon?”

“Sungjong,” Woohyun answered.

“He hasn’t make up his mind, it seems.”

“And have you?” Woohyun asked as he looked at Dongwoo. Dongwoo was taken aback.

“What do you mean?”

“Are you sure this is really what you want, Dongwoo? Including other people to your relationship with Hoya?”

“Nam-goon...”

“Is this Hoya’s idea Dongwoo-yah? Why did you agree with this?”

Dongwoo looked at him confused at first but calm the next.

“Woohyun-ah, how is this concern you?”

Dongwoo’s tone made Woohyun realized that he was pretty much sticking his nose to other people’s business. He was lucky it was Dongwoo he confronts. If it was Hoya, maybe he’d already gotten a punch in the face.

“Dongwoo-yah, you are my friend. You are precious to me and I don’t want you to be... treated this way in a relationship, “ he said. “A man who respect you would never ask for the third person, Dongwoo-yah.”

“Are you blaming Hoya?”

“I can guess what happened, Dongwoo-yah. You and Sungjong have no connection whatsoever, so the one behind this must be Hoya.”

“It’s not like that, Woohyun.”

The tone in Dongwoo’s voice was that kind of tone people use when they know something that you don’t. Woohyun didn’t like it.

“You don’t deserve to be treated this way, Dongwoo.”

“Do I not deserve to be loved by two people, Woohyun?”

“That’s not what I mean!”

“Then what do you mean?”

Woohyun felt frustrated. What did he mean? He meant that love should be shared between two people, that love involved commitment and loyalty to each other. But Woohyun for some reason couldn’t voice them out loud.

“Because that’s certainly what I mean when I decided to ask Sungjong to join Hoya and me. I want to love more, and get more love in return, Woohyun-ah,” Dongwoo continued when Woohyun struggled with word.

“The world is falling apart, Woohyun. I don’t want myself to be the same.”

“But not like this!” Woohyun screamed in frustration. He felt his eyes prickled with tears.

Dongwoo hugged him.

The moment his big, strong hand made a contact with Woohyun’s back, his dam broke. At first it was a choked, dry, first sob but soon there was no way he could stop crying.

Dongwoo didn’t even question why he cries, as if he knew (and expected) this all along.

“Let it out, Woohyun-ah. It must be suffocating for you with us around all this time.”

“It’s just... I don’t understand this thing that everybody else seems to understand,” he sobbed.

“You don’t have to understand,” Dongwoo rubbed his back. “You just have to stop fighting it.”

_But how? How could he do it when looking at Sunggyu and Sungyeol still hurts as if they just broke up yesterday? How could he do it knowing he would never be the one, the special one, for Sunggyu? How could he stop fighting when it is the only thing that keep him alive all this time?_

He never cried this hard since his break up with Sunggyu.

Dongwoo brought them to sit down without ceasing his soothing rub on Woohyun’s back and Woohyun let himself be embraced by the elder. The last thing he remembered was how warm Dongwoo’s hands felt against his back.

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wooya, Hojong, and Dongwoo will get a nice surprise

When Hoya heard the door opens, he expected Dongwoo even though the older man clearly said that tonight he had a family dinner and will be spending the night at his parents’. What he didn’t expect is Woohyun clinging into Dongwoo with remnants of tears and exhaustion in his eyes.

He raised a questioning eye to Dongwoo, which the elder answers with an apologetic smile.

“Can we borrow a bed?”

“Sure,” Hoya pointed to his bedroom with his eyes and follows them inside. Woohyun looked like he is about to pass out, and the moment Dongwoo laid him on his bed, he fell asleep – jacket and shoes and all.

“What happened?” he asked as he helped Dongwoo taking Woohyun’s shoes and socks off.

“He finally cried,” Dongwoo said. Hoya raised his eyebrows.

“After two years?”

“Well, he had cried before. But not like this,” Dongwoo sighed. “I thought he’d going to pass out on my arms. If he did I don’t know how to bring him here.”

They finished their job and left the room after Dongwoo put a blanket over Woohyun and Hoya switched off the lamp.

“You don’t mind taking care of him alone tonight, right?” Dongwoo asks. Hoya’s eyes widen. “I don’t mind... but alone?”

“You know I have family dinner, my sisters are both coming with their family,” Dongwoo patted his back. Hoya scratched his neck. “You know I’m not good at comforting people.”

“You’ve been doing it for me for years, and for Sungjong, too,” Dongwoo said.

“Yes, but for _you_ and _Sungjong_.”

“It won’t be any different. Sungjong and I are human, so is Woohyun. I don’t want him to be alone tonight,” the older went to the door.

“Wait!” Hoya exclaimed in panic.

“What?” Dongwoo turned around in alarm.

“I haven’t kiss you,” Hoya placed a chaste kiss on the older’s lips, and felt his lover grins.

“I love you too,” Dongwoo said when they parted. “But I really have to go, I’m late already.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Hoya faked a pout.

“Don’t worry, you’re great at emotion, Howon-ah. I’ll trust you,” and with that, Dongwoo closed the door. Hoya snorted. _Great at emotion?_ Greatly inept, more like. He could comfort Dongwoo and Sungjong, sure, but both are exceptions. They’re not human, more like angel - Dongwoo with a heart larger than any continent and Sungjong with an empathy deeper than any ocean. But Woohyun, he doesn’t even know what is Woohyun. Too kind to be a human but too wounded to be an angel.

_A martyr_ , Hoya decided. And he didn’t know how to comfort a martyr.

He hoped Woohyun won’t wake up until tomorrow when Dongwoo came.

He spent the night texting to his friends and quietly practicing simple movement in front of the TV. Sometimes he checked on Woohyun, but thankfully he’s still asleep. He didn’t even seem to move from his previous position. It was 2 AM when Hoya finally tired himself out. He sprawled himself at the sofa and fell asleep.

When he woke up, the sun was already up and he smell something delicious from the kitchen. Not Dongwoo, because Dongwoo can’t cook to save his life. He got up and found Woohyun standing in front of the stove, hand busy stirring something in the pot. He turned his head when he heard Hoya.

“Good morning,” Woohyun greeted.

“Morning,” Hoya yawned. “I don’t think I have any ingredients for cooking. Did you go out to buy some?”

“No. I found some ingredients in the frig – you should clean it, by the way – some eggs and kimchi. I’m just making steamed egg and kimchi fried rice.”

“You don’t have to,” Hoya said.  

“It’s the least I can do,” Woohyun said. “I made you sleep on the sofa after all.”

“Well, you were about to pass out from crying... the least I can do is giving up my bed.”

“Honestly, I don’t even remember how I ended up here. So Dongwoo Hyung brought me, huh?”

“Said you were drowning him in your tears,” Hoya said as he sat on the dining chair, watching Woohyun. The older looked a little bit embarrassed.

“No need to be embarrassed, Hyung. I’ve seen you cry many times, remember? On concerts and stages and whenever you’re drunk.”

“Well, those are different,” Woohyun said as he shifted his focus to the dish again.

“What so different?” Hoya asked, more as an effort to keep the conversation alive rather than curiousity.

“The reason,” Woohyun says.

“Well, what’s the reason?”

“Because the world is ending,” Woohyun kept his face facing the boiling pot, so Hoya couldn’t even check his expression whether he lied or not. He laughed all the same.

“Pfft, what was that, Hyung? Because the world is ending? I don’t think you’re the type who’s afraid of dying.”

Thankfully Woohyun’s shoulder relaxed again. “I’m not,” he said. “It’s not the dying that I fear.”

He finally turned the stove off and brought the pot to the table, followed with a pan of fried rice. Hoya looked around for clean plates and thankfully he found two.

“So, what is it that you fear?” Hoya asked again when the two of them were finally eating. Woohyun didn’t answer for a while, chewing his food slowly until he finally swallowed.

“I’m just afraid that I’ll be alone when it happens.”

The soft steamed egg suddenly felt like sands and stones in Hoya’s mouth. Damn it, the atmosphere was getting thicker. _He definitely wasn’t good at emotion_.

Woohyun smiled bitterly and continued talking, “that was stupid of course. It shouldn’t matter that much. We are all die alone anyway.”

Thought Hoya himself didn’t share the same views, the impending doomday had brought pessimism to the people. Words of fear and panick were spread in internet and social media. Distrust to the government and scientists were voiced by lesser news media. Hell, he even received a link to join a suicide pact from an unknown number. But the way Woohyun said that word... there were only few things could be sadder than that.

Hoya really wished he knows what to do. Instead, he just swallowed his egg, almost choking at the coarseness in his throat. Woohyun looked at him funny – half amused and half pitiful.

“The end of the world and you’re still as awkward as ever, Howon-ah,” he smiled.

Hoya reddened. His heart did something weird. “Shut up!” he dug his fried rice to stuff his mouth – not trusting it to say anything. It was Woohyun again who dispels the awkwardness, who makes him at ease. It should have been Hoya’s responsibility to cheer Woohyun up, but the older man just did the job himself.

This was exactly why he doesn’t know how to deal with Woohyun. The older man was always so mature and reliable, sometimes Hoya forgot that Woohyun was only barely two months older than himself. There was a reason why the word Hyung always rolls so comfortably from Hoya’s tongue even after knowing that Woohyun was born in February and they could be same-age friend. He could calm Sunggyu’s anger, control Dongwoo’s hyper, and make Hoya comfortable. He could coax Sungyeol from his stubborness, pull Myungsoo to reality when the latter was too engrossed in his mind, and he’s really good at making Sungjong feel not neglected.

Woohyun could connect to every member in Infinite, and Hoya couldn’t for his life think why he was the one who ends up alone out of them all.

“Why are you thinking so hard?” Woohyun raised his eyebrow. “Don’t think too much about what I said. I’m making you feel uncomfortable, aren’t I?”

Hoya’s heart did that weird something again, and in a flash of moment he wants to embrace Woohyun, kiss him, and tells him he is _not_ alone.

“Hello? Hoya? Howon-ah?” Woohyun waved his hands in front of him and Hoya snapped himself back to reality. He swatted Woohyun’s hand. “No, you don’t.”

“You sure? Because you look like I just forced you to eat a pillow. Or is my food bad?”

He was saved from answering when he heard the front door opens. FINALLY. Thank God, finally Dongwoo was here.

But it was not Dongwoo who emerged from the entrance.

“Sungjong-ah?” Woohyun called their maknae, he was as confused as Hoya.

“Woohyun Hyung, what are you doing here?” the maknae was startled when he saw Woohyun. A little bit panicked, even.

“I was spending the night here. How do you enter..?”

“Hoya Hyung didn’t change the password,” Sungjong said, “yet.”

Hoya cleared his throat “I wasn’t planning to.”

“Come have some breakfast,” Woohyun offered. “There are plenty.”

“No, thank you,” Sungjong said. “I’m here to... talk to Hoya Hyung.”

That was unexpected, but Hoya figured he has a fairly good picture on why Sungjong came here to talk to him. Suddenly he felt a little panicked himself. Maybe Sungjong had decided. He could be accepted, or rejected. Anyway, if he was going to be rejected, he’d rather not being in the same room with Woohyun, but he didn’t want to tell Woohyun to get out either.

As usual, the older boy solved that problem to him. “Is this a kind of private conversation that will make me feel uncomfortable if I stay?” he asked as he gathered his plate, both fried rice and steamed egg were finished.

It was Sungjong who answers. “Yeah. Kind of like that, Hyung.”

“Then I’ll excuse myself to shower,” Woohyun left them. Hoya was surprised, though, when he saw Woohyun gave encouraging smile to Sungjong. Did he know about them?

Sungjong also looked surprised, but he muttered a thanks.

Once they were left alone in the kitchen, Hoya stood up and approached Sungjong. “Sungjong-ah, do you... probably... come here to give me your answer?”

They stood face to face. It had been a while since the last time he saw Sungjong’s face this close. He could see his eyelashes, each thick and long. He could smell the musky cologne Sungjong sprayed before, tinged with sweetness that always presents in Sungjong’s body scent.

“Yes, Hyung,” the younger answered. “Yes, I’ll be your boyfriend.”

Sungjong rushed it, Hoya thought as he pulled the younger for a kiss. Sungjong was usually calm and careful when he made a decision, or declaration. The younger didn’t have a taste for drama, but he was usually romantic enough to put something extra for a confession, or answering a confession.

But when their mouth connected, Hoya could taste everything in Sungjong – the fear, the desperation, the longing, the love – and he understood, because he felt the same. The world was ending, the time was getting shorter, and they couldn’t afford to waste any time.

Not when the time given to them to love each other was limited.

-

 

 

Hoya didn’t know how long they were taking their time. They kissed, hugged, said loving words and gratefulness to each other, then kissed again. For all Hoya knew, it could be that tomorrow would already be the doomsday.

A cough was heard.

“Sorry to intrude, but are you guys finished? We have a meeting at 9.30,” Woohyun’s voice reminded them of reality, and they sprung apart, breathless.

Hoya was surprised when he found himself jumped away from Sungjong the moment he knew Woohyun was in the room. Woohyun knew about them, Sungjong told him after their kiss. There shouldn’t be any reason to be shy around him. He was surprised, but he was more surprised when Sungjong did the same thing.

It was guilt, Hoya realized his own feeling. He felt guilty for having a love, _two loves_ , when Woohyun didn’t get any. His eyes met Sungjong and he knew the younger felt the same.

“Right,” Hoya said. “I’ll just take a quick shower and then we can go.”

He showered in 5 minutes – because suddenly he felt like time is so expensive and he’d rather spending it beside Sungjong, or Dongwoo, or both, rather than alone. They were already on their way 10 minutes after, Hoya drove his car to Woollim.

“Have you told Dongwoo about this, Jjong-ah?” Hoya asked. He was pretty sure Sungjong hadn’t, but it didn’t hurt to ask.

“Not, yet,” Sungjong said. “How do we tell him, Hyung? I thought he’s with you, so I only prepared one confession! Now I don’t know if I can muster another courage for another confession.”

“We should surprise him,” Hoya said. Just thinking about it made him happy. Dongwoo loved surprise.

“Oh, we totally should,” Sungjong smiled. “Should we stop at a florist?”

“I have a feeling that Dongwoo would love food more than flower,” Hoya said, thinking hard. “Like a... cake? But his favorite food is meat – beef tonkatsu and gyudon.”

“That’s so Dongwoo Hyung,” Sungjong laughed and Hoya couldn’t help but follow. It had been a while since he heard Sungjong laughed like this. He looked fondly at the younger for a second, and when he turned his attention back to the road he caught Woohyun’s expression from the rearview mirror.

Hoya couldn’t decide which kind of expression was that. His mouth was curled up slightly, indicating that he was happy, or at least amused. Yet his eyes were contemplative and unfocused. He was thinking – and whether it was about the past or about the future, Hoya didn’t know.

“What do you think, Hyung?” he asked Woohyun, finally, after hesitating for a second.

Woohyun blinked. “What?”

“About Dongwoo’s surprise. How do you think we should do it?”

“Do it based on what Dongwoo likes,” the older said.

“Then we’ll confess over a bowl of gyudon,” Sungjong said. “But I wish it could be more... special. Hyung, you’re expert at this kind of thing, come on tell us what to do.”

Woohyun laughed. “But you know Dongwoo better than me!”

“You know Dongwoo as well as us. But we’re stuck with the idea. Sungjong said flower, but I don’t think so....”

Woohyun smirked. “Are you sure you want me in charge of the surprise?”

“Yeah,” Hoya and Sungjong replied at the same time.

“Are willing to bear the risk?”

“Wait, there is risk involved?” Sungjong asked.

“If you are willing, then, Hoya! Pull over! I’ll drive.”

Hoya and Sungjong exchanged glances. Honestly they’d rather not having any risk at all. But Woohyun was finally smiling (sincerely, happily, not bitterly or as if he’d been defeated. The man was genuinely happy for them, Hoya could tell, and again he didn’t know how Woohyun could still be happy for other people when he himself was in so much pain) and if a little risk could keep that smile there for some more time, then be it.

Someday, he wished Woohyun would be happier, would be better. Someday, he wished he would be better at understanding people, so he would know how to help Woohyun and make him happy. But for now, if the only thing he could do was to pull over, then he would.

 

 

 

  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's nice to be back here! Work is hectic and I feel particularly uninspired, but my muse is back along with the news of Infinite comeback! Thanks for all of you who read this fic. I hope you enjoy it.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yadongjong being fluffy while dongyeol misunderstand each other

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, thank you for everyone who have been waiting for updates and supporting this story. Sorry I've been disappointing you all with very long break between chapters (and instead writing another fics *peace*).
> 
> But really, thank you! Please enjoy the chapter!

 

 

“Where in the world are they?”

Sunggyu growled, his foot injury didn’t stop him from pacing back and forth in the room where they were currently gathered. His right hand was clutching his phone so tight Dongwoo afraid it would crack.

“Dongwoo, do you have any idea where are they?” the leader asked him for the umpteenth time.

Dongwoo shook his head. He had been trying to reach either one of them since he arrived at the studio, but Woohyun’s phone was off and Hoya didn’t answer his.

He wondered if something happened last night that may caused them going MIA. When he left Hoya’s apartment, everything was fine, except Woohyun who was passed out on Hoya’s bed. Surely there wasn’t anything that could go wrong, right?

“I can’t reach Sungjong either,” Sunggyu grumbled.

They were in one of the meeting room, scheduled for a meeting with their CEO in five minutes, yet Hoya, Sungjong, and Woohyun were coincidentally all out of reach. Sunggyu didn’t take a seat even once ever since his call to either one of the three wasn’t answered. Dongwoo stood up near the door, from time to time checking the hallway, hoping the three would just arrive already. Myungsoo and Sungyeol were sitting on their chair, not attempting to talk to each other because of Sunggyu’s sour mood.

“Myungsoo, you don’t know where Sungjong is?” Sunggyu demanded and got a negative answer.

It was three minutes before the meeting when the three missing members of their group finally arrived. Curiously, they looked like they were coming together and not because they came at the exact same time. Dongwoo noticed the same smile they sported, the blush they wore, and the excitement they shared. It was a feeling of people sharing a juicy secret.

Dongwoo would feel jealous if he had more time. But, before he could prod Hoya to let him in into their secret, the door opened again and their CEO, along with two other company executives and some of production staff, entered the room.

“I’m going to be direct,” their CEO said after they greeted each other. “You’re starting recording next week, so this week you should train harder for your vocal. There will be three songs in total, I’ve brought the demo.”

They spent the next three hours listening and commenting about the songs, arguing over line distribution, and brainstorming for the promotion concept. It surprised no one that they are going for happy and light concept – people would want something easy to stomach during distressing time such as today.

They all stood up and bowed to the retreating figure of their executives and staffs when every matter had been decided. When they were finally alone, Sungyeol let out a joke.

“Man, I thought we were done with cute concept,” he exclaimed.

“Let’s just hope Hoya can pull this out,” Woohyun teased the man sitting beside him.

Sungjong laughed and Hoya scowled and their conversation started to get a little louder, at least until Sunggyu cleared his throat.

“What?” Hoya asked as they all look at their leader. Sunggyu indicated them to sit down before answering.

“Why did you three come late today?”

“We’re not late!” Sungjong protested. “We came before the meeting started, today!”

Sungjong always protested whatever Sunggyu accused him with, but even today Dongwoo could see that he didn’t mind as much.

“But all three of you turned your phone off or simply didn’t answer me. Which is unacceptable,” Sunggyu glared.

“And by the way, did you come together today?” Sungyeol added. “You looked like something good happened to you three! Spill it out, what happened?”

“Well, you may want to ask Dongwoo about that,” Hoya answered. Dongwoo casted a questioning looks to the buff man.

“Me? Why?”

“Because, Dongwoo,” Woohyun answered it this time, smirking mischievously. “We were late because of you.”

Okay, now Dongwoo was intrigued. And so did the other three innocent occupants in the room.

“Don’t be all cryptic, Hyung. It’s annoying,” Sungyeol offered his piece of wisdom.

“What did _I_ do?” Dongwoo asked the same time Myungsoo asked, “What did Dongwoo Hyung do?”

And then, in a very uncharacteristic display of personality, Hoya and Sungjong dramatically leaped out of their chair and approached Dongwoo. Dongwoo had a good feeling about this already, but he kind of want to see how far would these two go, so he didn’t say anything. He couldn’t stop himself from smiling, though.

Both of them were in front of Dongwoo now, and Dongwoo just _knew_ that they would kneel in front of him, possibly each of them will take Dongwoo’s hand.

Sunggyu, Sungyeol and Myungsoo couldn’t stifle their giggles, though, and it made Hoya and Sungjong went scarlet. Dongwoo really wanted to push them but he couldn’t held back a teasing.

“I bet Woohyun talked you into this,” he grinned.

Sungyeol burst out laughing and Hoya abruptly stood up and cursed.

Dongwoo expected him to say, “Fuck it!” and smash his lips to Dongwoo’s. But, what happened was even better. Hoya pulled the younger boy beside him and planted his lips on his.

Sungjong clearly didn’t expect this deviation from their plan, judging from his widening eyes. Even so he quickly regained his composure and happily kissed Hoya back.

Dongwoo’s words were lost in his throat as he saw the two men he loved the most in this world kissing each other in front of him. It sparked many different emotions inside Dongwoo’s – they ware hot and one of them is his boyfriend and does this mean Sungjong accept their confession and fuck they are his boyfriends now.

He was prepared to tease them when they were kneeling before, but all of those words were reduced into a tiny whimper that made the two boys in front of him stopped kissing. They opened their eyes and slowly detached themselves from each other. Turned his head toward Dongwoo, Hoya smirked. And then, he whispered into Sungjong’s ears, the tip of his tongue grazing to the tip of the younger earlobe.

And Sungjong smirked back and confidently walked closer to Dongwoo. He bent his waist to get to Dongwoo’s eye level and said. “I say yes, Hyung.”

Dongwoo didn’t prepare a reaction for that, but he didn’t need to because the next second Sungjong’s hand guided his chin as his lips captured his own. He quickly put his hands on the younger’s back, creeping up to his nape to control the kiss better. Faintly, he could taste Hoya’s brand of mouthwash and he purred in happiness.

“Better than your plan, Hyung,” he vaguely heard Hoya said and Woohyun responded with a complaint about how Hoya and Sungjong were too stupid to understand the concept of romantic.

When they finally had to pull apart to breath, Dongwoo looked at Sungjong’s eyes and he knew that they reflected each other’s feeling. He saw desire in Sungjong’s eyes, and also protectiveness, possessiveness, and affection. He thought, those were exactly what he felt right now too.

Overjoyed, he started laughing and stood up, pulling the two into his embrace.

“That was great, but could’ve been a little less exhibitionist,” Sungyeol commented although he sounded amused. He was teasing them again. Dongwoo flashed him a smile and stumbled upon Sunggyu’s expression instead.

The leader was standing beside Sungyeol, looking at them with peculiar expression on his face.  It lasted for a second before Sunggyu carefully masked it with a thin smile while he reached for Sungyeol’s shoulder. For some, it looked like disapproval. But Dongwoo knew better.

“Join us, you all!” he managed to free one hand and motioned for the others to join their heap of happiness.

Sungyeol was more than happy to follow, and he nudged Sunggyu forward as he walked to them. Woohyun seemed reluctant, but Dongwoo caught his eyes. He did his best to convey his wish for Woohyun to join through his eyes and in the end Woohyun complied.

-

 

 

As much as Dongwoo wanted to continue their little act of exhibitionism, they still have practice to do. Dongmin Hyung showed them the choreography for their new single – which was titled “Hope”. Talk about lack of creativity. Sunggyu argued that there would be dozen other groups using “hope” as their theme during this time, but their CEO said that they could ride on the momentum if they could release the single earlier than everybody else.

In Dongwoo’s opinion, the practice couldn’t get any slower than today. It was almost night when they finally finished. Dongwoo used all of his self control not to leap from the studio, dragging Hoya and Sungjong to the nearest space with privacy.

Thankfully, he wasn’t the only one with that thought. It was the quickest he saw both Hoya and Sungjong packed their things. The next thing he knew, he was inside Hoya’s car. He hoped he managed to say good bye to the others before he left.

“Where are we going?” he tried to pry some information.

“Guess where?” Sungjong teased from behind.

“Hoya’s apartment?” It was the only possible place for them to stay, considering both Sungjong and Dongwoo live with their parents.

“Your creativity and imagination baffled me, Hyung,” Hoya answered with a his branded humor.

“It isn’t a very expensive hotel suite with Jacuzzi and romantic setting, right?”

“Hmm, it’s romantic, yes. Maybe you can call it a hotel? But there’s no Jacuzzi,” Sungjong answered mysteriously.

“We’re here,” Hoya stopped the car in front of a very familiar building.

“This is...?”

“Our old studio, yes.”

The building was exactly as Dongwoo remembered. Their studio was in the first floor. The second and third floor were rented as cheap office space, but were currently empty if the “FOR RENT” sign on their windows can be trusted.

Hoya opened the locked studio. It was dark inside and Dongwoo couldn’t see a thing, but he followed the other two into the room. Only after Hoya switched the light on he could get a good look around.

The light, however, wasn’t the usual white neon lamp. Instead, there was a string of yellow bulb surrounding the studio wall. Some standing lamps were there too, scattered here and there to increase the visibility inside.

Despite it’s been months since anybody used it, it was clean. In the middle there were large mattresses spread on the floor, with pillows and comforters. Sungjong pulled out a wooden box from somewhere and retrieved a bottle of wine and some glasses. Meanwhile, Hoya played a slow English R&B as background music.

It was simple, comfortable, but well planned and classy in a way. Totally Hoya and Sungjong’s style, until Dongwoo (who had pulled his shoes away) stepped on something soft yet cold. Upon closer inspection, the suspicious thing was actually a flower petal.

“Flower petal?” Now that Dongwoo got a good look, he realized that flower petal were scattered on the floor.

“Ei, seriously. I told him not to do it!” Hoya complained as he too realized the offending (?) presence of flower petals.

“He even left some scented candle,” Sungjong showed some cylindrical things.

“Who are you talking about?” asked Dongwoo, though he had a good guess.

“Woohyun helped us,” Sungjong explained.

“I guessed as much,” Dongwoo laughed.

“Of course you do. Who else will use flower petals? Where did he even get these much?” asked Hoya, coming to Dongwoo’s side.

“He picked the studio too?” Dongwoo asked.

“No. It’s this ahjussi here, who specifically wanted a room with big mirror, preferably on more than one side of the room. He didn’t specifically tell us why, though,” Sungjong pointed at Hoya, who was smirking with his canine visible, and Dongwoo decided it was time to stop talking and start kissing.

Hoya caught his lips with his own, and although it was far from their first time kissing, Dongwoo still felt his heart bursting every time their mouth connected. They sighed into each other for a while, before Hoya broke the kiss off and purred. “That’s because I don’t plan to tell. I plan to show you.”

Sungjong approached them, slow but sure. Dongwoo embraced him and Sungjong’s scent enveloped him. It was different from Hoya’s, though Dongwoo wouldn’t be able to explain as his brain short-circuited when Sungjong’s lips touched his.

It was only his second kiss with Sungjong and he wanted it to last forever. It was everything that Dongwoo’s imagined and everything that wasn’t. It was soft, warm, and perfect. Dongwoo’s body jolted as Sungjong’s lips start moving, he was easily intoxicated with the taste of it.

He couldn’t get enough of the boy he held in his arm right now. But, as he went for deeper kiss, Sungjong broke it off. Dongwoo whimpered but Sungjong looked at him with eyes full of promises, before he directed that gaze to Hoya.

“Surely that plan can wait until we’re all clean? Because the shower in this building still works and I do have a plan of my own for us there.”

“Fuck,” Dongwoo heard Hoya cursed and he wanted to respond. Before he could utter a word, though, someone swept him off the floor and they went straight into the shower.

It was the best night of Dongwoo’s 27 years of life.

-

 

 

In the afterglow of their (brilliant) sex, the three of them sprawled on top of each other on the blanket, too tired to move. Sungjong was sandwiched between Hoya and Dongwoo, sighing contentedly as Dongwoo ran a hand through his hair.

“Did you saw Sunggyu Hyung this morning?” Dongwoo asked.

“What about him?” Hoya asked back, his hand lazily traced Dongwoo’s waist.

“Does he not like it? Our relationship,” Sungjong chirped, his hands caressed Dongwoo’s thight.

“Well, we aren’t exactly having a vanilla, monogamous, hetero, risk-free relationship,” Hoya scrunched his face up. “Although for me his opinion worth as much as my investment right now, that means not much. He can screw his own ass, or Sungyeol’s in his case.”

Dongwoo frowned, surprised that both Hoya and Sungjong could miss the subject. “But that’s not the case at all. You mean you don’t know?”

“Is there anything we should know, Hyung?” Sungjong looked at him and he was so pretty when he looked at Dongwoo from under his eyelashes like that. Dongwoo couldn’t help but dived for a peck.

“You’re so pretty, Sungjong-ah.”

“Hyung, focus,” Hoya said although he sounded more amused rather than exasperated. “So, what was that about Sunggyu Hyung that we should know?”

“Hyung doesn’t disapprove our relationship, ” Dongwoo said. “In fact, it’s the other way around. Hyung is jealous with us.”

“Jealous... with us?” Hoya asked bemused. “But why would he?”

“Because he loves us?” Dongwoo supplied. But, upon seeing the clueless face of Sungjong and Hoya, he couldn’t help but added. “You really don’t know?”

“What are you talking about, Hyung?” asked Sungjong, pushing himself into sitting position much to the protest of Hoya and Dongwoo.

“He loves us,” Dongwoo repeated his words, pulling Sungjong back into his arms. “As in wants to be in a romantic relationship with us.”

Sungjong refused to lay back. “Hyung,” he said seriously. “You mean Sunggyu Hyung loves us romantically. Are you sure?”

“But he is with Sungyeol,” Hoya sounded genuinely confused.

“Well, we were together when we fell in love with Sungjong,” Dongwoo tried to explain patiently. “Sunggyu Hyung is like that too.”

“How did you come to this conclusion, Hyung?” Hoya asked, tone also got more serious. “Did he… did he tell you? Did he confess to you?”

“No, he was kind of obvious, don’t you think?” Dongwoo looked at Sungjong and Hoya. They shook their head.

“No, Hyung’s not obvious at all,” Sungjong supplied.

“It was the reason he broke up with Woohyun. Woohyun doesn’t want the same thing.”

“I never knew that it was the reason for their break up,” Sungjong said. “I just thought it was something along more common reason, like both were too busy or have too big ego for a relationship.”

“But wait,” Hoya exclaimed. “Then it means Sungyeol doesn’t mind with Sunggyu Hyung getting into polyamorous relationship? Does it means Sungyeol love us romantically too?”

Both Hoya and Sungjong looked at Dongwoo as if he knew all the answer, which he definitely didn’t. Dongwoo shook his head.

“I don’t know about that,” he said after a thought and wondered why he never searches for the younger to talk about this. Sungyeol always look so happy that Dongwoo never felt the need to reach for him they way he did for Sungjong, Woohyun, or Sunggyu. “I never get a chance to talk about it with him. But he doesn’t show his romantic feeling to us as much as Sunggyu Hyung.”

“But seriously, you really don’t know that Sunggyu Hyung has feeling for you?” he continued because Sunggyu really wasn’t as subtle as he thought. But, both Hoya and Sungjong just exchanged a look and shook their head.

“This is a bit… fucked up,” Sungjong said finally.

“It’s more complicated than our merger contract with SM,” Hoya commented.

“And you, Hyung? What do you think about this?” Sungjong asked Dongwoo.

Dongwoo found himself surprised when he found no answer for that question. He noticed Sunggyu’s behavior much earlier and often thought about how it would affect his relationship with the rest of the member, but somehow he never thought about how _he_ feel about it himself.

“Hyung?” Sungjong prompted. Dongwoo snapped out of his thought and smiled at his two lovers.

“Me? I think we’re doomed,” he answered instead.

“That pun was intended, wasn’t it?”

-

 

 

The next day, Dongwoo was in Woollim again. He was just finished a pre-production meeting for his variety and needed to pick up the book he left in his locker from the company before heading home.

“Found it!” he said triumphantly as he found the little book. He was closing his locker when his phone vibrated. Hoya was calling him.

“Hello!”

“Hyung, you finished?”

“Yeah. I’m finished. Sunho Hyung just drove me back to Woollim,” he told his younger lover.

“Why didn’t he drive you home?” Sungjong’s curious voice could be heard from the phone. It was a bit heartwarming that he already called Hoya’s apartment as ‘home’. Dongwoo had to smile at that.

“I wanted to pick up a book I left yesterday,” he said.

“But you don’t bring your car today,” he could hear Hoya frowned. “Do you want me to pick you up?”

“If you don’t mind,” he said. Hoya offered to drive him all the time, but Dongwoo still felt touched every time. He walked through the row of practice room, intending to wait for Hoya in the lobby.

But then he saw Sungyeol practicing in one of the empty studio and he remembered the conversation last night. “Wait, Hoya!” he called.

“Yeah?”

“I changed my mind. I think I want to practice first for a couple of hours or so,” Dongwoo said.

Hoya would never deny someone a right to practice, so he accepted Dongwoo’s excuse easily, although Dongwoo could hear him pouting. “Are you sure? We miss you already,” he whined (that’s right, even Hoya whined, although Dongwoo was pretty sure so far he was the only one ever heard of it – and Sungjong).

“You have Sungjong to play with you, don’t you?” he whispered suggestively.

“Don’t taunt us like that if you don’t want to go home soon!” he could hear Sungjong protested.

Dongwoo just laughed and instead of replying, he gave them a very wet kissing sound instead. They said goodbye back and after he made sure the call is finished, he walked into the studio.

Actually, Sungyeol wasn’t the type that would do extra practice. At least, not in the studio in their building. The boy wasn’t comfortable having other people witnessing his progress. So, he made sure to knock and announce his presence to the younger boy before entering.

“Sungyeol, are you practicing?”

Sungyeol stopped his dance when he heard Dongwoo. His eyes were rather bleary, Dongwoo noticed, though he couldn’t think why.

“Dongwoo Hyung, what are you doing here?” he answered with a question.

“I’m picking up a book I left in my locker,” Dongwoo pointed at the book in his left hand. “Are you already practicing? I don’t know you’re this diligent, even Hoya hasn’t started yet.”

“I’m not practicing,” Sungyeol shrugged. “I was just hoping I can meet Myungsoo here.”

“Myungsoo?” Dongwoo asked, although he was more talking to himself rather than seeking confirmation from Sungyeol.

“He didn’t answer my call at all since this afternoon. Not that he answered my call often, but he never outright rejects my call like today. I’m worried about him.”

Dongwoo had several questions about the nature of the relationship of Myungsoo and Sungyeol. It was freaking weird. Sungyeol was the one who broke up with Myungsoo and moved on with Sunggyu, but he was still looking out after the younger like he still cared. It seemed cruel, honestly, as if Sungyeol didn’t want to be the bad guy even when he kind of already was.

But Dongwoo knew better rather than nosing into other people’s problem, so he asked the question that was most related to him at the time.

“Sungyeol, do you have some time? I want to talk to you,” he said. Sungyeol looked at him questioningly.

“Why, Hyung? What do you want to talk about?”

“I’m a bit worried about Sunggyu Hyung,” Dongwoo said carefully.

“What about Sunggyu Hyung?”

Dongwoo thought for a while about how to approach this subject without directly mentioning Sunggyu’s feeling for all of them. However, he couldn’t find any way to do it.

“This morning, I noticed that he is a bit… off,” he started. Sungyeol stiffened slightly, almost not noticeable, but Dongwoo noticed everything.

“If you are worried about what Sunggyu Hyung thinks about you and Hoya and Sungjong, you really shouldn’t worry, Hyung. Sunggyu Hyung doesn’t have a problem with that,” Sungyeol reassured him with a little smile.

“I know that,” Dongwoo said. “I’m not worried about that. However, I’m worried about Sunggyu Hyung himself. I’m afraid he felt left out or jealous of us.”

This time, Sungyeol completely stiffened.

“Hyung,” he said, his tone was weird. “You know about Sunggyu Hyung’s feeling? When did he tell you?”

“He didn’t tell me,” Dongwoo answered truthfully. “I noticed.”

Sungyeol seemed a little bit speechless, so Dongwoo quickly provided another word.

“I don’t mind about his feeling either,” he continued. “But I’m just concerned, and maybe I want to ask you to take care of him.”

“Why do you care?” Sungyeol asked him and despite the choice of words, there was no hostility in the tone, only curiosity.

“Of course I care, we are each other’s best friend, Sungyeol-ah,” he reached for the younger’s shoulder. He could feel Sungyeol relaxed slightly after he touched him.

“You don’t have to worry then, Hyung,” Sungyeol smiled. “I’ll take care of him.”

Dongwoo squeezed him slightly. “Thank you for taking a good care of him despite everything.”

Sungyeol’s smile faltered at that.

“It’s really not something you need to thank me for,” he frowned. “I’m just doing what I should do as his boyfriend. Also…” he faltered, as if not sure how to proceed. “Also it’s not ‘despite everything’. I don’t have any problem with his feeling either. ”

That sudden confession startled Dongwoo a little. He didn’t think he could get Sungyeol to tell him this early.

“Are you saying that you don’t mind with polyamorous relationship, Sungyeol-ah?” he confirmed the younger’s answer.

“That’s what I said,” Sungyeol said.

“That was quite a grand claim,” Dongwoo said, being careful again. “Are you sure, Sungyeol-ah?”

He knew he had chosen the wrong choice of words when Sungyeol not only stiffened but also raised his voice this time.

“Of course I’m sure, Hyung. Why are you suddenly talking about this with me? Also you’re one to talk, you’re also in relationship with two other persons!”

“I know, but I’ve been in love with Hoya and Sungjong since a long time ago,” he told the younger. “I know that I want to share Hoya’s love with Sungjong, and Sungjong’s love with Hoya.”

“And why do you think I don’t want to share Sunggyu’s love with the others?” Sungyeol challenged him.

“You never show any indication that you love any of us, Sungyeol-ah,” Dongwoo said, using the softest voice possible. _Except maybe Myungsoo_ , he didn’t add. And even it was subtler than Sunggyu’s love for all of them _._ “I noticed Sunggyu Hyung’s feeling for all of us because he shows it, although it’s subtle. I didn’t notice the same thing from you.”

Sungyeol’s face fell and he stepped away from Dongwoo’s touch.

“I do,” he said, stubbornly – again in that weird tone of his.

“Sunggyu Hyung loves me, romantically,” Dongwoo said. “Do you love me like that too?”

Sungyeol’s eyes flashed with anger and hurt and fear and guilt, his pupils shaking.

“What if I say I do?” he asked Dongwoo.

“Do you mean that?” Dongwoo asked, concerned and a little bit sad.

“I just don’t understand what it is you want from this conversation, Hyung,” Sungyeol suddenly said.

“I’m sorry,” Dongwoo reached for Sungyeol’s arm, realizing that he was not the smoothest today. “Sungyeol-ah, I’m just concerned about you. I mean, just because you’re with Sunggyu Hyung, you don’t have to force yourself to love the rest of us too.”

Sungyeol broke free from his hold, however.

“I shouldn’t have bother,” he muttered tiredly, although it was directed more to himself rather than to Dongwoo, and then walked away.

Dongwoo stared helplessly at his retreating figure, and wondered how he managed to say all the wrong words today.

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wooyeol and Gyuyeol and a glimpse of Sungyeol's feeling about Myungsoo. Sungyeol is afraid of everything :(
> 
> It's a little bit short?

 

 

 

Sungyeol walked straight to the parking lot without looking back, afraid of what he would find on Dongwoo’s eyes. Disbelief? Disappointment? Pity?

He had been waiting for Myungsoo, he had been for three hours today and five hours yesterday. Myungsoo usually would come back to practice room after grabbing a quick dinner, even when their official practice hour was over. However, he didn’t come back yesterday or today, which made Sungyeol’s heart beat a little faster. It meant Sungjong’s new relationship bothered him more than he thought it would.

He wanted to go to Myungsoo’s place, even if Myungsoo might not welcome him. He hadn’t welcomed him for years, actually, but Sungyeol kept going. Myungsoo changed the password right after they broke up, but that didn’t stop Sungyeol from pressing the button or calling him until he opened the door. Myungsoo had been both his boyfriend and best friend. The day they broke up, he lost the boyfriend but he swore not to let go of the best friend.

Sunggyu chastised his naiveté. _You have to pick, you can’t have both. That’s how people are_. Sungyeol scowled because it was Sunggyu of all people who told him that.

“You’re still chasing Woohyun yourself. You know you’ll do what I do to Myungsoo if he let you look at his face for more than five minutes.”

“That’s different. I want to be boyfriend with Woohyun again. I want to love him the way lovers do again.”

“I want to be boyfriend with him again too,” Sungyeol wanted to say except he never did. Not to Myungsoo, because he had done enough damage. He hadn’t deserved Myungsoo anyway, so no point in saying that aloud. That’s why he hid his feeling with easy laughter and thick face, pretending that nothing ever happened between them.

Coward. Coward, but could you blame Sungyeol? He witnessed what happened to Sunggyu and Woohyun and it terrified him, to be separated with Myungsoo the way Sunggyu and Woohyun was. It terrified him more than the end of the world. It would kill him to be completely separated from Myungsoo. Sunggyu rarely showed it, but heartbreak was never easy, even when you have another boyfriend to pick you up.

Speaking of heartbreak....

Was Sunggyu home already? Dongwoo wasn’t the only one who noticed the flash of emotion on Sunggyu’s face yesterday morning. It was quick, just a split second wherein Sunggyu failed to control his usually well-guarded expression. But Sungyeol recognized what it meant, of course. It was a simple emotion. Sunggyu had wanted to be included in the group, but he had to restrain himself. That was decency. For Woohyun, for Myungsoo. For the other boys who didn’t know how much Sunggyu had long for them.

Sungyeol noticed another expression from Myungsoo. It was shock, and understanding, and then simple pain. It was heartbreak, one that maybe Myungsoo himself had not noticed yet. Sungyeol hoped Myungsoo was home, because he didn’t know where he was. His calls were unanswered. He wanted to make sure both of the brokenhearted boys were okay. Sungyeol hated himself for not being able to split into two. Until when would he be such useless lovers?

He sat on the driver’s seat and took out his phone. He held the object in doubt. In this situation, the least he can do is to ask for help. And if he had to ask for help, who would it be?

He remembered Dongwoo, back in the practice room. He remembered the unexpected conversation they had. Dongwoo was the obvious choice for any member who was emotionally wounded. But, considering Dongwoo was the one whom Sungjong was currently in relationship with, he was not the option for today, and so did Hoya.

That only left him with Woohyun.

Sungyeol felt dread coming in, just thinking about calling the older.

Sure, he was still in a good relationship with Woohyun. Sure, Woohyun was still kind to him, still friendly. But it didn’t mean that Sungyeol never felt guilty. He tried not to show it often, or even at all, for the sake of Sunggyu. His boyfriend would be devastated if he knew that he didn’t only ruin his and Woohyun’s relationship, but Sungyeol and Woohyun’s as well.

“You didn’t ruin anything,” Sunggyu had said once. “We got together after Woohyun and I broke up.”

It was true, but at the same time Sungyeol felt like he was actually blocking Woohyun’s way to go back to Sunggyu.

Despite that, Woohyun never rejected Sungyeol’s attempt for interaction. In fact, oftentimes it was Woohyun who started the interaction.

That’s what exactly scared Sungyeol. Why was the older still kind to Sungyeol? He didn’t understand people like him, really. Sungyeol deserved to be chewed on and spat back on the ground, instead Woohyun would smile at him and talked to him like nothing happened.

Maybe he was only acting up his part. They were in the same Infinite after all, they had certain public image to uphold. Maybe he didn’t want other member to worry, or worse, taking side. Maybe he did it to spare Sunggyu’s feeling. Or, maybe Woohyun was just an angel.

All of the possibilities scared Sungyeol.

He looked at the contact in his phone. He never dialed it for almost two years, he didn’t think he has the right to. But tonight he needed help and Myungsoo needed someone. So he dialed anyway. Seven rings went unanswered and Sungyeol started to consider hanging up.

“Hello?”

“Hyung,” he said. For a while he could say no more than that one word.

“Sungyeol, is something wrong?” Woohyun’s voice was free from negative sentiment, at least nothing that Sungyeol could feel. It’s not unkind either. It would never stop making Sungyeol uncomfortable.

“Nothing’s wrong,” Sungyeol said after regaining his composure. “But can I ask you a favor?”

“Of course, Sungyeol-ah,” Woohyun said and Sungyeol was torn between feeling relieved or not because he had to say the next words.

“It’s about Myungsoo, Hyung. You know… he was close with Sungjong lately and what happened yesterday… I’m afraid it could sadden him. Can you... do you think you can accompany him tonight, Hyung?” he finally said his request, although not as smooth as he liked.

Woohyun laughed and suddenly the natural tone in Woohyun’s voice was gone. The laugh came bitter and Sungyeol could taste it even in the back of his throat.

“So you comfort Gyu and I comfort Soo. Is that how we’re going from now on?”

Sungyeol suddenly had an urge to end the conversation as fast as possible. He still had to answer, however.

“Or you can go to Sunggyu Hyung if you want,” he said slowly. He really didn’t mean anything by that, in fact he was hoping that Woohyun would take the chance.

But there was only silence on the other end of the line. Sungyeol counted. One. Two.

“It’s so easy for you, isn’t it?” Woohyun said, quietly. It wasn’t accusation, it was a statement.

It still pierced a little part of Sungyeol’s heart.

“I’ll go to Myungsoo,” Woohyun said next.

And then the line was cut.

“Thank you,” Sungyeol said, phone was still next to his ear. When he put down the phone on its holder, he noticed that his hands trembled. It took five minutes before he gained some confidence to drive home.

 -

 

 

 

Sunggyu wasn’t home yet, so Sungyeol made himself busy so he would be distracted from the thought of Woohyun and Myungsoo. He ordered some food, arranged the bed, and clean a little. He finished with texting Woohyun the general location of groceries stock and hangover medicine in Myungsoo’s apartment.

When the door opened, Sunggyu looked more tired than Sungyeol anticipated. He was even limping. Yesterday, Sungyeol hadn’t got a chance to pamper the elder and nurse his heartbreak because Sunggyu had refused to talk about it. Sungyeol let him, because he knew the wound was still fresh. Today, however, was the day to finally patch his feeling better, although only a little.

“Hi, Hyung,” Sungyeol smiled, welcoming Sunggyu. “How’s the day?”

“Rough,” Sunggyu took off his jacket and threw it on the sofa before he threw himself next to it. “I’m in a bad shape, both my body and my mind, so I keep making mistakes and prolong the practice.”

Sungyeol sat next to him and started massaging his shoulders. “Have you eaten? I ordered chicken gomtang. It’s still hot.”

“Not in the mood for that, Yeol,” Sunggyu said, but then moaned from Sungyeol’s massage. “You can continue massaging me, though. It’s good.”

“Really?” Sungyeol teased, applying more pressure in the particularly taut muscle. “How about this, you take a hot shower while I arrange the table for dinner, then we’ll have dinner real quick and straight to bed and I’ll continue this until you’re asleep?”

“That sounds heavenly,” Sunggyu agreed, so Sungyeol sent him to shower and arranged the table. When Sunggyu finished showering, they ate together in front of the TV. Sunggyu whined for alcohol, so Sungyeol opened a bottle of wine he found in the refrigerator.

He wondered if Sunggyu’s request for alcohol meant he was ready to talk. He didn’t know how to start it, though. Thankfully Sunggyu opened the conversation first.

“You don’t go to Myungsoo?”

The question caught Sungyeol off guard. While talking about each other’s involvement with other members was natural topic for them, this time Sungyeol didn’t really know how to answer that without mentioning Woohyun.

 “I’ve got someone to take care of him,” he said. He tried his best to not bring the fact up but that was even more suspicious, honestly.

“Who?” Sunggyu’s eyes narrowed, frowning because Sungyeol being indirect.

Sungyeol didn’t answer and Sunggyu wasn’t stupid, so the next second he laughed and it sounded so bitter, exactly identical with the one Sungyeol heard over the telephone earlier.

_Why did these two have so many similar points except for the most important one?_

“Woohyun agreed to do it? What did he say about it?” he asked again in between his laughter.

“He said he’ll go for Myungsoo,” Sungyeol answered.

“Really? How did you make him go?” Sunggyu asked curiously, still not recovering from laughter. Sungyeol didn’t like it a bit, the bitterness grating in his ears.

“Because the other option was me going to Myungsoo and him going to you,” Sungyeol said.

Sunggyu stopped laughing abruptly, before staying silent for a minute while sloshing the wine on his glass. “I’m ruined, aren’t I?”

“Why would you?” Sungyeol asked back as he settled himself on the couch, beside Sunggyu.

“I want a relationship with the seven of us. I want us to be together. But now Woohyun hates me. Myungsoo hates me, and the other three left me,” Sunggyu said before putting his glass on the table and pulled Sungyeol close. “You’re the only one I have.”

Sungyeol made himself comfortable on Sunggyu’s embrace, leaning on the other’s chest and tucking his head on his shoulder.

“Woohyun Hyung doesn’t hate you,” he patiently corrected the older. “He just disapproves the way you love people. We should give him more time, yes. But he doesn’t hate you. Myungsoo doesn’t hate you, either. Why would he? He has no reason to. It’s me he hates.

“And the other three definitely don’t hate you either. They don’t know about our love to them, so don’t think they reject us just because they got together without us. And they just announced their relationship so suddenly, I wonder when did they even sort themselves out?”

Sunggyu mumbled something about the world’s end. Sungyeol laughed.

“I mean, up until some weeks ago Sungjong was still chasing Myungsoo and I even hoped they kind of get together so Sungjong could help Myungsoo.”

“Sungjong was in love with Hoya from the start,” Sunggyu pointed out. “And I know Dongwoo had his eyes on the maknae for a while. So, yeah, their relationship made sense. I was just…” he sighed. “I was just caught off guard that they would confess to each other so soon. I should’ve told them sooner about us so at least we could have a chance as well.”

“It’s okay, you are being careful because not everybody is open to the idea of poly,” Sungyeol assured Sunggyu. He knew that Sunggyu was reluctant to tell the other about this because Woohyun rejected the idea so harshly. “You don’t know that they are actually poly themselves. Besides, it’s still not too late to tell them about us. Actually, Dongwoo Hyung already knew about us. I don’t know if he tells the other as well or not.”

“Dongwoo knows?” Sunggyu asked, confused. “I never tell him about us, though?”

“He observed,” Sungyeol said, running his hand on Sunggyu’s arm. “I met him today and we talked about it. It wasn’t a proper talk, though. If we really want this, we’ll need to have a serious talk about us with them. Maybe we should find out first whether they’re interested in adding more people in their relationship or not.”

Sungyeol suddenly felt Sunggyu hugging him a little bit tighter, a sign that he was in distress about something.

“Hyung?”

“I’m sorry, Yeol,” Sunggyu said, lips brushing his temple.

“Why?” Sungyeol was startled with the sudden apology.

“You don’t deserve this,” Sunggyu said, his breath hot in Sungyeol’s skin. “I’m your boyfriend, but here I am crying over five other guys while holding you in my arms.”

Sungyeol could feel his body stiffen, and he hated himself for it. He pretended like nothing happened, and replied.

“Don’t be stupid, Hyung. You know I want this too.”

“But do you?” Sunggyu’s next words were soft, quiet, and Sungyeol was thankful that his face was still hidden in Sunggyu’s shoulder. “Sungyeol, do you? Because you don’t seem to want this as much as I do.”

Sungyeol remembered Dongwoo’s words.

_Because you never show any indication that you love any of us, Sungyeol._

“You don’t seem as upset seeing them together, Sungyeol-ah,” Sunggyu said, voice shaking.

_It’s so easy for you, isn’t it?_

He didn’t know if that was the wine talking, or heartbreak talking. He didn’t answer for a long time and when he dared to look up, he was thankful that Sunggyu was already asleep.

-

 

 

He waited for an hour, enjoying the solid muscles that supported his back and the slow movement of Sunggyu’s chest as he breathed. He even tried to fall asleep himself, but he gave up when he realized his mind was spinning too hard, unable to calm down. He extricated himself carefully from Sunggyu’s embrace, satisfied and relieved that the elder didn’t wake up.

He looked so relaxed and peaceful that Sungyeol had to crouch and admire the sight for a while. This was the kind of expression he always wanted to see on his lover’s face.

Several minutes passed and Sungyeol stopped himself before this got creepier, but not before fetching a blanket from the bedroom and put it over the older. Then, he went to the kitchen and tried to find some beer in the refrigerator. He didn’t find any, so he poured himself a little wine from the already opened bottle.

_What were Myungsoo and Woohyun doing? Did Myungsoo even open his door for Woohyun? Or did he even allow Woohyun to hold him as he cried, the way Sunggyu hold Sungyeol earlier?_

Neither Woohyun nor Myungsoo replied his text from before the dinner, inquiring about their condition. That didn’t stop Sungyeol from sending another text to both. He was annoying, wasn’t he? Indecent even, kept sending text to Myungsoo as if he hadn’t ruined any of their relationship.

Sungyeol knew that, but he couldn’t just let Myungsoo disappear from his life. He just wanted the other to back away a little, giving Sungyeol a little room to breathe. God, that sounded hypocrite, because now it was Sungyeol who kept texting and calling Myungsoo and even barging into his apartment.

Even more hypocrite now because he couldn’t even sleep over the thought of Myungsoo and Woohyun spending the night together, although it was more of a concern whether they would get along with each other or not.

“Is Myungsoo really that clingy?” Sunggyu asked him one night when they just started going out together. Their date was mostly spent indoor, dining together and then cuddling, because Sunggyu was too lazy to go out and he secretly loved cuddling – maybe second only to Myungsoo. They talked a lot that time, because they were trying to map each other’s heart, checking boundaries and testing the depth.

“He isn’t,” Sungyeol said, sighing because he had told Sunggyu this before. “I told you, it’s not about him. It’s about me.”

“You like freedom,” Sunggyu said. “I know that. I also know that Myungsoo can be a little too much, and can come across as annoying and irritating, although I’m sure he has the best intention in his heart.”

“No,” Sungyeol answered. “Annoying and irritating – that’s not what I feel from Myungsoo’s attention, Hyung. It’s far from that. In fact it’s sweet, and attentive. I don’t find it annoying or irritating at all, I just feel….”

Sunggyu tightened his hold. “Feel what?”

“I feel scared,” Sungyeol admitted, suddenly burning with shame. A 27 year old guy, scared of devotion, of commitment, of attention. Sunggyu didn’t laugh, or even looked startled. He just continued to hold him.

“I don’t understand,” Sunggyu admitted and somehow it comforted Sungyeol more than if he said that he understands. “Feel scared of what?”

Sungyeol shuddered.

“I don’t know how you and Woohyun Hyung love each other,” Sungyeol said. “But for me, nobody ever loves me as much as Myungsoo does. He gave me absolutely everything that I asked – or even that I didn’t ask. He loves me with his everything, Hyung. It was the first time I received an emotion so strong from someone outside of my family.”

Sunggyu started to stroke his back.

“You don’t get the problem, right, Hyung?” Sungyeol asked. “I’m such a jerk for not appreciating what Myungsoo gave to me. I’m such an ass for complaining about Myungsoo’s attention. But it scared me. Every time he gave me something, I keep asking myself what did I do to deserve such kindness? Every time he did something for me, I wondered why did he want to do this for me?”

Sungyeol started to feel something prickling on his eyes, so he stopped talking for a while to control his emotion. Sunggyu still didn’t utter a word.

“I lied awake at night, thinking about what I could do for him. But try to catch up to someone like Kim Myungsoo and see if you can. I texted him more often, I went out with him to more places, I tried everything. I bought him back the things he bought for me. But that’s not it. What Myungsoo did for me was beyond that – beyond giving things and doing things. I don’t know what it is, when I do everything that he does, it feels shallow instead.”

“He gave his everything to me, Hyung. But I don’t think my everything will ever be enough to repay him. And how could I stay with him, if I could never give back to him? Every day I was afraid that he would find out about the real I am and leave me because I could never compare to him…..”

He stopped because Sunggyu was hugging him a little too tight.

“Hyung,” he called the older. “Hyung, it’s too tight.”

“You stupid boy,” Sunggyu said, hissing. “You stupid… you’re worth his love, Sungyeol-ah. How could you ever think of such nonsense?”

“I’m not,” Sungyeol insisted. “I told you you’d never understand.”

“No,” Sunggyu said. “No, it’s you who misunderstand this. Sungyeol, seriously. You’re worth of Myungsoo’s love! You’re worth of anybody’s love!”

“You saying this won’t change a thing, Hyung,” Sungyeol said, reaching out to pat the other’s back. It was funny that he felt like the older needed a little bit of comfort himself from Sungyeol’s confession. “I’ve tried it, I’ve felt it. It was a fact that Myungsoo loved me more than I love him.”

“Sungyeol, please don’t say such kind of thing. Be confident of your love,” Sunggyu said, voice almost pleading. Sungyeol kind of felt bad for him, he must’ve been dumped an uncomfortable truth for his new lover. “Have you ever talked about this to Myungsoo?”

“Never,” Sungyeol said. “I would never tell him this. You aren’t allowed to tell him this either, Hyung. He will find out that I’m even more pathetic than he thought of me already.”

A man who can’t give enough love _,_ that’s what Sungyeol was _._ He’d rather Myungsoo to think of him as a bad guy rather than an emotionally incapable man.

_You never show any indication that you love any of us, Sungyeol-ah._ Dongwoo had said.

_It’s so easy for you, isn’t it?_ Woohyun had said.

_Because you don’t seem to want this as much as I do._ Sunggyu had said.

Hadn’t he tried enough to show them how much he cares? Apparently not, because everything that Sungyeol did would never be enough. Nothing new.

He drowned the rest of his glass and poured another, bringing it to the living room. He needed something to distract himself.

Sunggyu was still asleep on the couch. Sungyeol felt his emotional turmoil calmed down a little. Sungyeol truly cared about Sunggyu. He loved how the older man accepted him just the way he was, despite his confession about his broken emotional ability and all. Until last night, apparently.

_Because you don’t seem to want this as much as I do._

It still hurt him a little, but it was getting better.

 Sungyeol reached for the remote on the table, switched the TV on, and quickly muted it.

He was sipping the wine when the news came.

His glass slipped from his hand, shattered on the floor.

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Myungyeol, tiny Myungjong, Woosoo comfort that we've been waiting for (although we don't know for the better or worse), and the news. I'm sorry I keep hurting you, Myungsoo

 

 

 

 

 

-

When he was first introduced to Sungyeol, Myungsoo knew that this boy would be a trouble.

He knew that when he saw the boy’s gum when he smiles, when he heard the boy’s voice cracks when he was too excited, and when he felt the boy’s hand claps on his shoulder. He knew because every time it happened, he felt his heart picked up a beat and his skin tingling with pleasant warmth.

He wasn’t much a talker, but then Sungyeol smiled at him first and talked to him about the most random thing such as sphinx cat and Brazilian coffee beans and Myungsoo suddenly found himself talking just as much.

He wasn’t much an adventurer, but then Sungyeol brought him to the most bizarre place such as his house in Yongin and a famous fortune teller in Jeonju (She knew that they were in a relationship. Instead of denying it, Sungyeol held Myungsoo’s hand in front of the fortune teller and asked her to tell their fortune in love instead. She said they were perfect for each other), and Myungsoo suddenly found his fondness for driving.

He wasn’t funny, but he would make jokes for Sungyeol. He’d laugh at Myungsoo’s jokes, but when he didn’t, he’d give him a kiss and consolation, “It’s okay, I still love you.”

“What did Sungyeol Hyung ever do to you that I haven’t?” Sungjong asked one day.

Truth was, Sungyeol did nothing out of ordinary. It was only because he was Sungyeol, that everything became extraordinary for Myungsoo.

 _Sungyeol made me,_ Myungsoo wanted to say. _It felt like my life before I met him was just an appetizer for a meal, or an intro for an album_.

Funny how everybody else became weak in Myungsoo’s eyes compared to Sungyeol. He knew he was biased, but he was fine with it.

-

 

 

They broke up in the most ordinary day – weather wise.

For Myungsoo, however, it wasn’t an ordinary day at all. He had bought a diamond ring, through help from Moonsoo. They had been together for four years and he wanted to give it to Sungyeol. It wasn’t engagement ring, it was just a ring he wanted to give to Sungyeol.

They were driving on a mountain road in Gangwon. Myungsoo stopped their car in a place where they could look at the city below.

Myungsoo was never good at expressing things verbally, and Sungyeol didn’t like cheesy lines anyway, so he just put the ring box on the dashboard and said. “It’s for you.”

Sungyeol didn’t immediately reach for the box. He froze for a moment. Myungsoo should’ve known that it meant something. Lately, Sungyeol did that a lot. Freezing. Stopping. Catching himself. Like he was trying to stop himself from doing something or saying something.

He should’ve known. No, he actually already knew. But his biased view and wishful thinking made him brushed it aside as mere worry.

He took the box and opened it. Smiling, he showed it to Sungyeol.

“Look,” he said. “I asked Moonsoo to help me get this and he charged me _a lot_ for this favor, so I hope you like it.”

“Myungsoo,” Sungyeol said, biting his lips. “This is…”

“I get our fingerprints printed on its surface,” Myungsoo said, a little proudly. “This will be one of a kind ring in this whole world.”

“I can’t accept this,” Sungyeol said, very quietly that Myungsoo thought he misheard it at first.

“What?”

“I can’t accept this, Myungsoo. This is too expensive.”

“Sungyeol,” Myungsoo said patiently. “I told you not to be concerned with that kind of thing.”

“No,” Sungyeol said. He didn’t even look at Myungsoo. Myungsoo frowned, wondering what was wrong with his boyfriend. “I’m sorry, Myungsoo. I can’t.”

Myungsoo chuckled. “Sungyeol, what’s wrong with you? Last week you were so happy that I had lost my bet so I got to be the one who pay for our house later when we move out. Believe me, this is nothing compared to that.”

“Myungsoo,” Sungyeol said and he sounded _pleading._ Myungsoo stopped smiling and frowned instead.

“Sungyeol,” he reached for the older boy’s face and surprised that he found his eyes glassy. “Yeol, what’s wrong? Are you hurting somewhere?”

“I can’t do this anymore,” he said, voice shaky. “I am sorry. I am very sorry.”

“Can’t do what, Yeol?”

“Us,” he said. “I can’t do us anymore.”

Myungsoo’s heart skipped a beat. “Sungyeol-ah, you don’t mean that….”

Sungyeol didn’t answer and Myungsoo felt his own tears on the back of his eyes. He suddenly felt the car was too confining. He took off his seatbelt and rolled the window down.

“Myungsoo, I think… we should take a break,” Sungyeol said after a while.

“What do you mean?” Myungsoo almost snarled. He felt so helpless. It felt so unfair.

“Let’s not see each other again.”

“Why should we? Why so sudden? What’s wrong with… me, Sungyeol? Did I do something wrong?”

“No,” Sungyeol said. “No. It’s not your fault at all. It’s just… I feel suffocated with our relationship, Myungsoo.”

“Suffocated?” Myungsoo asked, tears falling. “Suffocated how? Is this about this ring, Sungyeol? This ring doesn’t mean a thing. I’m not proposing to you right this instant, if that’s what you’re afraid of.”

“It’s not about the ring,” Sungyeol said.

“Then what? About our plan to live together?”

Sungyeol shook his head.

“Was I too busy to meet up with you? Do I spend too little time with you?” Myungsoo kept asking. “Do I spend too _much_ time with you?”

Sungyeol still shook his head.

“Am I too clingy? Do I overwhelm you with my skinship? I’ll tone it down if you want, Sungyeol,” Myungsoo was desperately begging.

“It’s not about all of that,” Sungyeol said. “It’s because… you deserve better than me, Myungsoo.”

“What kind of nonsense are you talking about!” Myungsoo angrily shout. “There’s no one better than you. Why? Can’t I deserve you, Sungyeol? What is it that I lack?”

“It’s not about you!” Sungyeol shouted back. “It’s about me, Myungsoo. I don’t want this relationship anymore!”

“But why?” Myungsoo felt like they were completing a loop of questions and now they were back at the square one without receiving any answer. “You think I deserve better? I think I deserve an explanation for this sudden break up announcement. It’s so sudden, it’s so unfair.”

“I’ve told you many times,” Sungyeol said miserably. “I’ve told you Myungsoo, but you don’t listen.”

“You never did…” Myungsoo said. “Don’t try to say you did.”

“I did,” Sungyeol looked at him in the eye. “You never listen.”

“Sungyeol, please,” Myungsoo said. “I’ll listen better to you from now on.”

“Then let’s break up,” Sungyeol said, finally shedding a tear.

-

 

 

The drive back to Seoul was silent. They were still in Mecenatpolis back then. Sungyeol and Myungsoo used to share a room, but that night Sungyeol stayed upstairs. Myungsoo didn’t ask in whose room he stayed that time. Was it probably Sunggyu’s?

Their break up wasn’t a clean one. It wasn’t finished with Sungyeol’s one sentence of break up request. Myungsoo kept trying to talk to him, only to receive the cryptic and confusing reasons. The only one that remained clear was Sungyeol’s insistence for a break up.

Sungyeol moved out of the downstairs dorm and took residence on the study room in the upstairs dorm. Those nights were the worst for Myungsoo. The master bedroom was too big for him. He lied awake at night, wondering about the real reason for Sungyeol’s break up, and found nothing that could make sense.

Was Sungyeol cheating? But it didn’t make sense. Sungyeol was very open with Myungsoo about everything: his phone, his laptop, his social media account. They also lived together, and work together, so there could be no chance for Sungyeol to meet someone.

Was Sungyeol bored of him? But the older boy looked as miserable as Myungsoo himself. He inquired about Sungyeol’s condition to Sunggyu, Hoya, and Dongwoo who lived upstairs. They all knew that Sungyeol also cried himself to sleep at night.

So, why? Myungsoo didn’t know. He tried to remember everything that he did with Sungyeol since they met until today, trying to figure out what mistake he did.

Myungsoo felt big and strong when he was with Sungyeol, if he was a building he’d be a proud stone tower, higher and stronger than anybody. When they break up, he felt like his tower was knocked down, the stone scattered on the ground.

It was Sungjong who picked those stones up.

But Myungsoo was still wearing the lens that kept replaying the memory of Sungyeol in his mind. So, honestly, he didn’t care much about Sungjong at the time.

Everybody needs a space to grieve. Maybe Sungjong just came at the wrong time to the wrong person. Sometimes you just want to grieve alone, in silence. If then somebody barged into your house and wanted to be entertained, you get angry and annoyed.

Sungjong tried so hard to pick Myungsoo up, but Myungsoo was done trying. He tried to discourage the younger boy, but Sungjong persisted. He tried to ignore the boy, he still persisted. Hell, he was still there when Myungsoo finally started to be outright cruel. If only Myungsoo could see the truth that time.

Truth was always so simple. It is right in front of his eyes, but he refused to acknowledge until it started to hurt and everything was too late. Truth was he knows Sungjong loved him, so much, but Myungsoo could never see past the bias he had toward everybody against Sungyeol and he only saw the part where Sungjong wanted to replace Sungyeol, not the part where he loved Myungsoo.

It was a truth as plain as the color of the sky but of course Myungsoo knew it only after it hurt.

When he saw Sungjong kissed Dongwoo yesterday, his brain recalled the memory of that afternoon drive to Gangwon. It was the same feeling. It was surprise at first, because it was so sudden. Sungjong never said something about Dongwoo, and he was even more surprised to find out that Dongwoo and Hoya didn’t break up, that Sungjong would join them instead.

It was disbelief, because Myungsoo had been close to Sungjong for more than this one year, and he’d been so used to that fact that when he realized that they won’t be together again, he couldn’t imagine it.

It was hurt, because then he felt a pang in his heart and a prickle of tears in the back of his eyes.

That was when he realized that he had made another mistake, except this time he knew perfectly well what his fault was.

(It didn’t make it easier. It made it harder)

-

 

 

When Myungsoo heard the bell rings, the first feeling that ran through him was hope. A foolish hope, maybe, but it was enough to stop him from drinking and make him eyeing the door instead. In his mind, Sungjong was the one standing on the other side of the door and ringing the bell, worrying about Myungsoo after what happened today. The younger would say sorry and tell him that it was not real, and they would drink together over the foolishness of it (Sungjong and Hoya and Dongwoo threesome is ridiculous).

It was a pathetic delusion, so Myungsoo took another gulp of the beer in his hand to banish the image of Sungjong and the pain that followed when he realized whoever was it coming to see him, it was impossible to be Sungjong.

His second thought was it was Sungyeol standing in front of the door and this time he felt dread coming in. The thought of his ex – his already-happily-moved-on-with-other-man ex – seeing him drunk and broken ( _heartbroken_ ) was too much to stomach right now. And then he drank two – or maybe ten – more gulps because if it was indeed Sungyeol, he wouldn’t open the door even until the world ends.

But the muffled voice that came through the door wasn’t Sungyeol’s, and Myungsoo allowed himself to glance at the door and run a list of possible guests in his head. Several more violent banging on his door, and he finally stood up before his neighbors opened their own doors and complain.

Standing in front of his door was, quite bizarrely, Woohyun.

“What are you doing here?” It was the first question that popped in his mind.

“You have three chances,” Woohyun said dryly, noticing his messed-up appearance and pushed his way through Myungsoo to get inside.

“You’re lonely,” Myungsoo frowned seeing this intrusion, but then helplessly closing the door before turning around.

“I’m not,” Woohyun snorted while taking off his shoes.

“You missed me,” Myungsoo continued, eyeing the elder struggling to stand up with one foot.

“You wish,” Woohyun rolled his eyes. One shoe fell, followed by the other. He let himself in to the living room.

“I’m irresistible,” Myungsoo smirked, following his group mate.

“You’re drunk. That’s what you are,” Woohyun took one of the empty beer can on the floor and raised his own eyebrow. It must be a sight for him, cans of beer scattered on the floor; TV on, displaying some random show Myungsoo didn’t even remember choosing; his plaid shirt crumpled on the sofa. Suddenly he didn’t like the fact that Woohyun was witnessing his mess.

“So, why are you here? Can you get on with whatever it is and go home already?” Myungsoo asked, folding his hands on his chest.

“You’re still rude when you’re drunk, I see,” the elder said instead and looked around. Come to think of it, Woohyun was only here a couple of times before.

“Are you here to check whether my drinking habit improves or something?” Myungsoo eyed him, still smirking. 

“No. Your ex sent me here because he was too busy taking care of my ex,” Woohyun said, looking at him back straight in the eyes. That wiped Myungsoo’s smirk for a while, he didn’t like to be reminded about that. However, it didn’t take too long for Myungsoo’s wasted brain to find the irony of their situation. It was so absurd it was hilarious. He laughed.

“Is it a night for the heartbroken and the discarded?” he said in between his laughter. “Because if it is –“

“I’m definitely not discarded!” Woohyun hissed.

“Ouch, did I touch a sore spot?” Myungsoo leered. Woohyun threw a can toward him, which he dodged perfectly, but then he became dizzy and fell on the carpet.

“It seems like I did,” he said as he pulled his body to sit down beside the elder. He took a sealed can and offered it to Woohyun. “But don’t worry. I know how to take care of that. Here, open a can and drink.”

Woohyun eyed him like he found Myungsoo pathetic, but he accepted it anyway.

“For Nam Woohyun,” Myungsoo raised his can. “So Kim Sunggyu would beg him on his feet to get back together.”

“Oh, I don’t need that,” Woohyun waved his hand, seeming nonchalant. “He already did – the begging thing. I definitely don’t need this cheer.”

“Did he?” Myungsoo was confused for a second. There was something not right with what Woohyun said, but he couldn’t really think right now. “Did you record it?” He asked instead. Maybe if he showed that video to Sungyeol, they could get some interesting result.

“I mean figuratively, you dickhead,” Woohyun scolded him. He finally opened his can and brought it to his mouth. Myungsoo snatched it before it touched his lips.

“What?!” Woohyun looked at him annoyed. “You gave it to me!”

“We should toast!” he whined. “If we’re gonna get drunk, we gotta do it properly.”

“You don’t need a toast to get drunk, Myungsoo,” the elder rolled his eyes. “Fine!” he snatched his can from Myungsoo’s hand. Myungsoo gave up the can on his left hand while raising the one on his right.

“For Kim Myungsoo, so everything stops hurting!”

“There, there,” Woohyun said, his voice changed into a  warmer tone as he put his hand on Myungsoo’s shoulder and started patting it. He raised his can and bumped it with Myungsoo’s, toasting.

“For Kim Myungsoo, so he can get over Lee Sung – who is it? Yeol or Jong?” his sympathetic face gone, replaced with a smirk.

Myungsoo’s slightly lifted mood fell down again.

“Fuck you,” he spat.

“Ouch, did I touch a sore spot?” the elder smirked wider, it was very annoying. “Oh, maybe I touch _two_ sore spots.”

“Fuck you,” Myungsoo pushed the elder so his back hit the sofa behind him. Woohyun laughed, tantalizing him.

“You’re usually much more creative than that when you’re drunk, Soo. Fuck you? Two times consecutively? That’s weak.”

“You still talk too much when you’re drunk, huh? Still annoying as well,” Myungsoo commented. Woohyun was definitely annoying.

“Annoying? Me? You’re the one who’s being rude the moment I enter this house,” Woohyun protested.

He was right, Myungsoo thought. He was rude.

“Right,” he said. “So tell me again why do you come here?”

“Like I told you,” Woohyun said patiently. “Your ex is worried that you’ll drink yourself to death because of heartbreak, so he sent me here.”

“Why doesn’t he come here himself?” Myungsoo asked. He’d been rejecting Sungyeol’s calls ever since yesterday, was that why?

“Because he got his own boyfriend to take care of, remember?” Woohyun rolled his eyes.

“That didn’t stop him before,” Myungsoo said, suddenly realizing how true it was.

Woohyun’s expression changed a little.

“Why do you come here?” Myungsoo frowned.

“For the last time, Myungsoo. Your ex –“

“No, I mean why do you agree to come here?”

“Because…” Woohyun said. “I thought Sungyeol is right. You are close to Sungjong lately, you must be surprised when he suddenly announced his relationship. I was right.”

“It’s nice of you to care,” Myungsoo said bitterly.

“Is this how you treat Sungjong? Because if it is then I’m cheering Sungjong for his new relationship. He doesn’t deserve any of your shitty treatment. He may have loved you so much that he could endure, but remember that I’m not,” Woohyun said coldly.

That made Myungsoo reflected again because yes, he should’ve seen how much love Sungjong would give him, if only he would say yes.

“Have you ever looked at the way he looked at you?” Woohyun continued. “I doubt you have. If you had, you’d be with him right now instead of with me.”

“Is this your idea of comfort? Faulting me?” Myungsoo raised his voice.

“I never said I’m going to comfort you,” Woohyun said.

-

 

 

“How did he see me?” Myungsoo asked, after a long stretch of silence when both of them were lost in their own problem.

“What?” Woohyun turned his head, he started to look tipsy.

“Sungjong,” Myungsoo said. “You said I should’ve seen him looking at me.”

Woohyun laughed.

“You must’ve been familiar with it. It’s the way you used to look at Sungyeol. Or the way Sunggyu looks at me.”

Myungsoo scrunched his face. “Did I really make that kind of face that Sunggyu used for you?”

“Actually,” Woohyun pretended to think hard. “You were worse.”

“Dick!” Myungsoo threw an empty can of beer to the older.

“Why did you reject him?” Woohyun asked, suddenly shifted the conversation.

“I didn’t reject him,” Myungsoo answered defensively.

“Maybe you didn’t exactly say you reject him,” Woohyun said. “But you kind of did.”

Myungsoo thought about it for a minute. He knew he was lying to himself. He rejected Sungjong. Yes, that he did. Quite harshly even.

“Maybe it’s for the better,” he said after some time. “Sungjong doesn’t deserve someone like me.”

“That’s your feeling _now_ ,” Woohyun corrected. “But before you treat him badly, what did you think?”

“He doesn’t deserve someone like me,” Myungsoo said again. “It is my feeling ever since the beginning.”

Woohyun moved. Myungsoo didn’t see him but he could feel the older boy shifted closer to him, he could feel his body warmth in his left side.

“And why would you feel like that?” Woohyun asked, softer this time.

“Because I knew from the start that I’ll hurt him,” Myungsoo started to feel tears in his eyes. He tried his best not to let it flow. “I was still trying to make sense of my break up. It still didn’t feel real to me that time. Sungyeol’s reason for break up was ridiculous and I was trying to find out the real reason and made it up to him. And I had none… nothing… for Sungjong at that time. Not time, not affection, not even a place in my mind.”

Woohyun shifted closer.

“I told him so,” Myungsoo failed preventing his tears from falling. “But he didn’t listen. He stayed. I avoided him at that time. And then –“ Myungsoo took a sharp intake of breath. “And then I heard Sungyeol and Sunggyu were together and I was angry. I started to be cruel. But Sungjong – he stayed! Hyung, he stayed! But I was an angry fool and I didn’t see any of that and finally yesterday… yesterday everything is over. He left me for good.”

Tears were flowing uncontrolled from his eyes. Myungsoo sobbed, unable to continue. All of this time he knew that he was being cruel, that he was being unfair, but he never admit it because he knew the regret and guilt would eaten him alive.

Like right now.

The pain in his chest hurt so much he thought he could die from it. He gasped for air as more sobs raked through his throat. What had he done to Sungjong? What had he done to himself?

“Myungsoo-yah,” Woohyun called softly. “Breathe slowly, baby. You’re hyperventilating.”

Warm hands cupped his face and, and tender yet firm instruction was whispered next to his ear. Myungsoo had been lost for a long time, and to hear someone tell him what to do for the first time was like a salvation. Myungsoo tried to obey, slowing his breath and calming his sobs. His hands reached for the older boy next to him, and Woohyun obliged. He let Myungsoo put both his hands on his back as he tucked Myungsoo’s face to his neck.

“I know where you’re hurt, Myungsoo,” Woohyun said, rubbing his back. “I know you spent two years looking for a fault in yourself that made Sungyeol leave you. I know you’d do everything to fix it so Sungyeol would come back to you. And I know you’re hurt because in the process you accidentally hurt Sungjong too. I know because I did the same every night, these two years. I kept looking for something I might lack that made Sunggyu Hyung thinks I’m not enough for him.”

Myungsoo didn’t answer, couldn’t, but he listened.

“So, I’ll tell you what I know from it,” Woohyun said. “There is no fault in you, Myungsoo. There is no fault in us. The break up happened not because of our fault. Maybe it wasn’t even the other’s fault. You are perfect, you did very well, so you should stop feeling guilty to both Sungyeol and Sungjong. You should stop being angry to yourself.”

Another drop of tears fell on Woohyun’s skin. Did Woohyun know that he just gave an answer to Myungsoo’s two years worth of questions? Did Woohyun know that for the first time after two years floating in the dark, Myungsoo finally see some light?

Myungsoo wanted to tell Woohyun these, but he was unable to say anything.

“You deserve everybody who loves you, Myungsoo. Don’t let your guilt and anger prevent you from accepting love you deserve,” Woohyun continued.

“But what love is left for me, Hyung?” Myungsoo asked, weeping. “Everybody’s left me for good now.”

“Don’t you see?” Woohyun asked softly. “I’m here.”

And then, Woohyun gently pulled his head from his shoulder and pressed a tender kiss on his lips. Myungsoo kissed back.

“Let me heal you, Myungsoo-yah,” Woohyun whispered. “Let me show you how to stop hurting. Let me give you the love you deserve.”

“Show me, Hyung,” Myungsoo said as Woohyun started to take off his clothes. “Please, heal me.”

Woohyun brought him to his room. He whispered the right words and touched the right spots, and it had been so long that Myungsoo had everything gone wrong that the rightness of it made him want to weep all over again. Woohyun kissed every inch of Myungsoo’s skin and Myungsoo was aware of every touch and sensation in his body. Woohyun reacted to every touch of Myungsoo’s as well.

That night, they healed each other.

That night, when he was asleep on Woohyun’s arm, Myungsoo didn’t dream of Sungyeol or Sungjong.

-

 

 

“Soo-yah, wake up,” he could hear someone patting his cheek softly.

“Soo-yah, you need to wake up now. We have emergency meeting at Woollim.”

Myungsoo heard it, but he didn’t understand any of it. His hangover was killing him.

“What?”

“Emergency meeting,” the voice answered. “Come on.”

It took him thirty seconds to register that the voice was Woohyun’s. He remembered last night, from the warmth of Woohyun’s body heat to his calloused fingertips on Myungsoo’s cheek to his heartbeat Myungsoo got to listen when he collapsed on top of Woohyun after sex.

“Did we... last night?” Myungsoo felt so dizzy, both from the hangover and from his feeling.

“We did,” Woohyun said. He had showered and dressed up, looking ready to go. ”Myungsoo, you have to get ready now. We only had 30 minutes.”

“Hyung...” Myungsoo faltered. There were a lot of questions he wanted to ask Woohyun.

“Well?” Woohyun looked at him. “Wake up, go shower.”

Myungsoo obeyed. When he emerged from the shower, a simple miso soup was ready on the table, along with a cup of water and aspirin.

The drive to Woollim was filled with awkward silent. Woohyun on the stir wheel, Myungsoo on the passenger seat, and both had their thought somewhere else.

Myungsoo didn’t know how Woohyun feels about this situation. Hell, he didn’t even know how he himself feels about this situation. Was last night a drunken mistake, a much needed comfort, or a deliberate action from both persons?

He glanced at Woohyun. Judging from the way the older tightly pursed his lips, he didn’t know the answer either.

“I’m sorry,” Myungsoo said the only thing he could gave Woohyun in this situation. His word startled Woohyun.

“What are you sorry for?” he asked. “It’s my fault as much as yours.”

Fault, Woohyun said. It was a mistake then.

“I should’ve controlled myself better. We shouldn’t have done that,” Myungsoo said.

“You were drunk and so did I. We both didn’t know what we were doing,” Woohyun said. Except they did, Myungsoo knew. No, last night happened not because they were drunk, but because they both know they were hurting. They knew were familiar with the other’s wounds and scars, because they had the exact matching wounds and scars. They knew where did it hurt the most and how much it hurt, so they can take care of each other in the right manner.

And if it wasn’t healing, Myungsoo didn’t know what it was. He suppressed a shudder when the memory of Woohyun assuring him that he wasn’t at fault, that he was worthy, that he was perfect – suddenly came. They both cry in the end, not because the sex was amazing, but because for the first time, they finally found something they can understand in the middle of everything going wrong.

He glanced again at the older boy. Woohyun seemed to realize his glance and it was plain visible that he started to get uncomfortable. Myungsoo shifted his gaze to the road in front of them.

“So, what do we do now?” he asked.

“We forget,” Woohyun said. “We don’t tell anybody and we don’t think about it again.”

“Okay, Hyung,” Myungsoo said, although he wouldn’t be able to do the last one. He ignored the pang of rejection in his heart and watched the roadside trees instead.

-

 

 

Myungsoo followed Woohyun to go to meeting room 2. The agency was surprisingly full so early in the morning. Usually office staffs wouldn’t come until at least 9, but today when he passed their door, he saw quite a lot of them already gathered inside. They didn’t seem to be working, just conversing heatedly in low voice.

What an unusual situation, he thought. You’d think that someone had died, just looking from the atmosphere. He was even more surprised to see meeting room 1 already occupied. Since when did Woollim decide to work this hard?

Myungsoo opened the door the meeting room 2. The rest of Infinite was already there. Seeing Myungsoo, Sungyeol immediately jumped from his seat.

“Myungsoo-yah, how are you? Did Woohyun Hyung visit you last – oh,” he suddenly stopped himself when he saw Woohyun trailing behind Myungsoo.

Sungyeol looked at him, then at Woohyun, then back at him. He opened his mouth, closed it again, and then came back to his seat next to Sunggyu, who were looking at them with that poker expression Myungsoo hated. On his other side were Dongwoo, sporting a concerned look; Hoya, looking angry for something; and Sungjong, wearing that familiar expression when he was hurt but tries so hard not to look so.

Myungsoo suddenly felt very uncomfortable. It was as if the whole room knew that he had sex with Woohyun last night. Did he…?

Myungsoo felt dizzy as he unconsciously ran his hands through his nape. Sungyeol stood up again, approaching him, and pulling him to the hallway. He pulled out the scarf on his neck and gave it to Myungsoo.

“You may want to cover your neck,” he said. “You don’t want Sajangnim to see that bite mark.”

Fuck, Myungsoo realized it just now that he was announcing his activity with Woohyun last night to the whole world to see. Why didn’t Woohyun tell him something? Oh right, the older didn’t even glance at him since they woke up naked on Myungsoo’s bed.

Myungsoo took the scarf from Sungyeol’s hand and ran to the toilet to check the bit mark himself. Fuck, he cursed when he saw it. It was clear, red and bruising. He quickly put the scarf over his neck when the toilet door opened.

Sungjong’s eyes widened as well when he saw Myungsoo. Myungsoo suddenly felt dizzy again. It was so unfair that he finally felt his mind clear for the first time since his break up with Sungyeol last night, only for it to end up so abruptly when the sun rose. He was confused again with Woohyun’s rejection, Sungjong’s new relationship, and Sungyeol’s selfish kindness. He lost his balance and he reached for Sungjong, who grabbed him to prevent him from falling (how could he not notice these warm hands before, Myungsoo didn’t know).

“Were you drunk?” Sungjong asked, a little coldly, as he helped Myungsoo to straighten up.

“Not much,” Myungsoo answered, half lying half honest. He did drink much last night, but that’s not the cause of his current state.

“You were sober then,” Sungjong said sadly.

“Sungjong-ah…”

“It is only me, right? It took me a year to make you realize that I’m willing to give everything for you and yet you only use me as an escape plan. I thought that’s because you love Sungyeol Hyung so much and that’s the only way I console myself. But, turns out it only take Woohyun Hyung a night for you to agree to have sex with him, right?”

Myungsoo was at loss for words.

“Why, Hyung? Am I that despicable for you? Am I that repulsive?”

“No, Sungjong-ah. Don’t say that about yourself. It was my fault.”

“I know I have no place to say any of this, Hyung. I’m no one for you. You are free to do anything with anyone. But please, think about my feeling a little.”

“Sungjong-ah,” Myungsoo felt his eyes prickled. What could he do to turn back the time?

“I beg you, Hyung. Especially now that we don’t have that much time anyway, let me live the rest of my life without getting hurt.”

He turned on his heel and left Myungsoo, opened the door, revealing Hoya who stood there with face as pale as Sungjong. He must have been listening.

“Hyung? Why are you here?”

“I’m just trying to catch you…” Hoya trailed.

“I’m fine,” Sungjong smiled, a kind of smile that Myungsoo would kill to have it flashed to him just once again. “Let’s go back.”

Hoya nodded, but when Sungjong had gone several steps, he turned back to look at Myungsoo.

“You’re such an asshole!” he spat before turning around and catch Sungjong up.

Myungsoo slid down to the toilet floor, pressing his head on the cool marble on the lower side of the wall. It didn’t help his dizziness, nor it did his broken heart.

-

 

 

10 minutes later, he was back in the meeting room. The CEO and the director board were already there. Myungsoo apologized for his lateness and took the only empty seat next to Sunggyu. He gritted his teeth.

“Back to the topic,” their CEO said. “I’ve just said to the others that we’re postponing any further activity for Infinite from today until further notice.”

“What?” Myungsoo couldn’t help but exclaim. What was this? Why all of a sudden?

“You don’t watch the news as well,” their CEO said, rolling her eyes before signaling to her assistant. “Play the video again.”

On the whiteboard behind Hoya and Sungjong, who sat at the end of the table, a video started playing from a projector. It was a clip of last night’s news.

_“WAIAO, he joint-group of space research organization from 97 countries, founded specifically to mitigate the asteroid hazard on June 10, 2017, announced last night that the nuclear rocket project to destroy the asteroid before it hit the earth has been scraped off._

_‘Our current technology is not enough to realize the plan. Even if we accelerate our research and development, we’ll still lag behind the deadline of June 10 next year. It’s better to shift the fund, time, and the other resources to the next most feasible plan, which is to built a shelter to protect the people on earth from the asteroid impact.’_

_While WAIAO will still carry out further research related to the said shelter, the responsibility to build the shelter itself fell on the government in every country. The President of Korea had called a cabinet meeting last night. The result is not yet announced, but experts believe that male population from age 21 and up should be prepared to be called for military service, whether they had served before or not, as well as female population from age 21 that has not yet married.”_

Myungsoo felt his head spinning again from this shocking news, and before he could process anything in his brain, he vomited on his lap.

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sunggyu/Everyone; Myunggyu; Woogyu; Gyuyeol

 

 

 

 

Sunggyu didn’t plan to fall in love like this (to the six of them, all at once).

He didn’t even plan to lead them.

At first it was just a matter of fact. He was the oldest, and he knew that life was ruthless. He knew how it feels to sleep hungry, to have no place to go home, to hang his life on a string of dream that can snap any time. He looked behind him and there were boys – earnest and naive and everything that Sunggyu already wasn’t. That and he simply didn’t want any of these children lead him.

It was just a title at first, but Sunggyu didn’t know its real weight until he pick it up. Leader was not a job title, it was a lens. It changed how Sunggyu saw things. Leader was gravity. It changed the way he stood. Nobody told him about that before.

Contrary to what many people believed, Sunggyu was not charm and talent. Sunggyu was hard work, failures at the early tries, and that including being a leader. He was the youngest at the house and even if he was used to decide for himself, he was never before decides for other people. Here in Infinite, that was exactly what a leader does.

He was confused at first. Some days he shouted, some days he snapped, and some days he let them do whatever they want to do. He didn’t know where to put himself – his dream – among them. Sunggyu was never a team player, he left his high school band for Woollim. But one night they came back to their battered house after another comeback where they failed to get number one again, their CEO’s word on their ears. “We could only afford for one more come back, and if we still can’t get any public recognition, we’ll have to disband.”

He looked at the six boys, sleepy and tired, waiting patiently for their turn in the shower (there was only one in their old house). He remembered himself, sleeping on the cheap rooftoop room, working on the cafe and convenience store, joining audition every week, and then he made a promise to himself.

These kids would not, should not suffer the same fate. Not when Sunggyu was their leader.

He changed his tone after that. He perfected his glare. He pushed the leniency and softness down his throat, even when he saw Myungsoo kept his head down, Sungyeol flinched, Sungjong cried, Hoya hurt, Woohyun silent, and Dongwoo smiled.

It was a hard work, working for six other people. When Myungsoo made another mistake, when Sungyeol couldn’t be serious, when Sungjong cried again. When Hoya slammed the door, when Woohyun talked back, and when Dongwoo was afraid. Sometimes Sunggyu wished they understand what was in the outside world, and why Sunggyu had to push them hard.

“What, Myungsoo?” he asked tiredly one day after practice, one that was still loaded with mistakes. He was smelly, hungry, and tired when Myungsoo approached him. The younger looked at him with shy but determined eyes.

“I know you’re tired but... can you possibly... teach me the dance move again?”

They had just finished an 18 hours long practice and Sunggyu wasn’t sure which one to pick between shower, eat, and sleep because he didn’t have enough energy to do all three. Instead he stood up again in the middle of the room and motioning Myungsoo to follow him.

“You’re lacking energy when you do your moves Myungsoo, it should be this sharp,” he showed.

“Like this?” Myungsoo demonstrated his move.

“Less speed and more control,” Sunggyu corrected him.

They played the song again. The other members watched for a while before finally leaving one by one. Myungsoo ignored them all. Sunggyu told Gonam Hyung to drive the kids and then headed home himself.

“Let’s stop here, Myungsoo,” he said three hours later, collapsed on the studio floor.

“I still can’t get the right move,” Myungsoo whined.

“You’ll continue tomorrow,” Sunggyu said. “You’re better than before. It’s enough.”

“It’s not enough,” Myungsoo spat, and Sunggyu was surprised. He was telling the truth. For any broadcast and performance standard, Myungsoo had done his part well. He told Myungsoo that.

“But not enough for your standard, right?” he asked. “You wanted us to be perfect. I know, don’t lie.”

“Yeah, but not everybody can be a Hoya,” Sunggyu replied.

“Then I _want_ to be _perfect_ ,” Myungsoo had said that and Sunggyu for a moment was at loss. He didn’t understand why. He didn’t know why Myungsoo would want to meet Sunggyu’s standard. Or why Myungsoo would need Sunggyu’s approval. He didn’t know whether he was thinking too far, taking it too serious, or seeing thing that wasn’t exist.

What Sunggyu knew was that he wasn’t fighting this alone, that Myungsoo reached back to him, and it was all he need to be more aware of Myungsoo, of his thin arms and long legs, of his shy eyes and the bangs that often covered it, of how many extra hours Myungsoo spends every day to make himself perfect.

(To make himself perfect for Sunggyu)

-

 

 

But Myungsoo was one, and Infinite was five other members. The stake was higher, the work was harder, and there were still days when they left the practice room, being irritated and unhappy and angry. It was days like that when he shouted, punished, and said hurtful things.

Every member had their own way to cope with Sunggyu’s anger. Myungsoo and Sungjong would keep their head down, hiding their tears of frustration. Sungyeol would run and avoid him. Woohyun and Hoya would try to hurt him back. And then Dongwoo would smile.

When Myungsoo and Sungjong got teary Sunggyu would swallow his anger and cut his lecture short. He left an argument with Woohyun and Hoya in more anger (and more pain). He couldn’t even find Sungyeol to lash out at him, so it was usually Dongwoo who get the shorter end of the stick, even when sometimes he was unrelated at all.

And Dongwoo would listen. He listened to Sunggyu’s complains, critics, and suggestions. He never cry, or shout back, or run, even when Sunggyu’s tone getting higher and higher and his glare getting sharper and sharper.

“Dongwoo-yah, are you stupid?” he asked after one round of another complain.

“…no?” Dongwoo asked back.

“When I’m being rude and unfair to you, you should stop me. Cry, run, or fight me back. Don’t just smile and nod.”

“But you don’t mean to be rude or unfair. You are just stressed,” Dongwoo said and he reached for Sunggyu, rubbing his back, touching his knee. “I know you don’t mean the harsh part of your speech, you just need to get them out of your system, right?”

Sunggyu didn’t answer.

“You’ve worked hard, Hyung. You take care of us all, but I know you wouldn’t let anybody take care of you. Here is the least that I can do for you. I’ll listen to everything you say,” Dongwoo said. “But let’s make an arrangement. Don’t lash out to the other kids, okay? They get hurt when you’re angry with them.”

“You realized that you’re volunteering yourself to take my shit, right?”

Dongwoo took his hands then.

“Hyung,” he said. “I’ll do anything for you.”

And Dongwoo said it with such sincerity. It was the first time for Sunggyu to be the one who left with misty eyes in the aftermath of his anger outburst.

Tell Sunggyu not to fall in love with Dongwoo then.

-

 

 

Dongwoo was the one who absorbs Sunggyu’s temper, held his hand when he started to raise his tone or patted him on his back when he was getting emotional. But, it was Woohyun who silently swept up the mess he left behind. He’d talk to Myungsoo, wipe Sungjong’s tears, and find Sungyeol. He’d spend a night cuddling with Dongwoo and spend another night accompanying Hoya at the gym.  

It was subtle, but Sunggyu, who was used to count the head of his members, who was following every movement from them with the corner of his eyes, would not miss that.

“Why did you do that?” he cornered Woohyun one day when there were only the two of them in the dorm.

“Why did I do what?”

“You don’t have to clean up after me,” Sunggyu said. “You don’t need to sacrifice your time babysitting the other members.”

“Hyung, I don’t sacrifice anything, okay? I genuinely care for them, they’re my member as well.”

“I don’t want to burden you,” Sunggyu said. “I’ll try to be less harsh.”

Of course, Sunggyu didn’t soften his tone and Woohyun didn’t stop his babysitting. Sunggyu had to admit that his job was easier this way, and before long he found himself trusting the younger man to be a sort of his right hand man.

It was a rough night with the kids, and Sunggyu was a little harsher than usual. It left both him and them exhausted and feeling sour. Sunggyu let the kids went home with Hyoan, and he stayed in the studio to clear his mind, laying on the floor with lights off.

Woohyun would have a handful of kids to be comforted tonight. He imagined what the younger would do to deal with the five of them at the same time.

“So this is your coping method,” someone greeted him in the darkness of the studio. “Hiding yourself, how awfully like Sungyeol, for someone who complained a lot about Sungyeol’s running away tendency.”

“Why are you here?” Sunggyu asked. “Shouldn’t you be at home? On babysitting duty?”

“Dongwoo had them,” Woohyun said. “So I’m free to babysit you tonight.”

“I don’t need any babysitting,” Sunggyu scoffed. “I’m the one who hurt them, I don’t need your comfort.”

“Really? You’re unusually harsh today. Is something bothering you?,” Woohyun’s voice was much closer this time.

“So, what would you do? Cuddling me? Singing me song? Telling me funny story?”

Sunggyu half expected it, but he still stiffened for a second when Woohyun’s lip touched his. But not long, because he knew all along, that Woohyun and him, they share something special between them.

(And Sunggyu tried not to think about Myungsoo, Dongwoo, Sungjong, Sungyeol, and Hoya when started to get serious with Woohyun. He didn’t have to try very hard)

-

 

 

Sure as hell, he didn’t plan to fall in love with Sungyeol.

Sungyeol was the last addition, and while Sunggyu had no problem with that, he also didn’t think Sungyeol was worth extra attention.

He scolded the tallest member to practice more often, to not play around, to _be serious just this once_.

Until that night when Sungyeol had a row with one of the people in the management, and took out his suitcase, and started throwing his thing inside.

Sunggyu’s heart had never pounded so hard before. He shouted at the younger, _what are you thinking?!_ And if he sounded so harsh and loud, it was because he was so afraid Sungyeol would leave them.

He never realized that he had a feeling so strong for Sungyeol that he was still shaking that night, in Woohyun’s embrace, while in the next room Myungsoo and Sungyeol were talking, just the two of them.

He didn’t fully understand his feeling toward Sungyeol back then, and he wouldn’t be until a couple of years later. All he knew that time, however, was that he didn’t want Sungyeol to leave.

-

 

 

Sunggyu was more careful after Sungyeol.

He started to pay more attention, especially to Sungyeol and Sungjong. He was still harsh in the practice room, but nowadays he asked Woohyun to split the task of cheering the members up.

Hoya noticed.

“Don’t worry, I won’t leave,” he said one day, randomly, when they were walking home from the studio after late night practice. “Even if that’s only because I don’t have a place to go home.”

Sunggyu squinted his eyes to see Hoya who was walking next to him and he saw himself. He saw a boy who was kicked out of the house to defend his dream in real world. He saw a scrawny boy, quiet and reserved, and honestly Sunggyu didn’t think much of Hoya before.

“You’re serious?”

“What?”

“You won’t leave,” Sunggyu said.

“That’s what I said,” Hoya said. “I won’t leave you, Hyung. Ever.”

 

 

-

(Tell Sunggyu not fall in love with them.)

 

 

-

He heard the glass shattered and jerked awake, looking around to find the source of sound. Sungyeol was standing in the middle of the living room, looking more surprised than Sunggyu himself after breaking the glass.

“Sungyeol?”

“Sorry I woke you,” Sungyeol said, crouching down to pick the glasses.

“Sungyeol,” Sunggyu sighed. “Don’t touch them with bare hands. Sweep them.”

“Oh,” Sungyeol snapped out of his confusion and stood up again. “Right.”

He scurried to the kitchen.

“What happened, Sungyeol-ah?” he called to the younger. “Why do you look… distracted?”

He had one foot off the couch when he saw the news and he froze on the spot.

_Am I still dreaming?_

Sungyeol came back with a brush and bin to sweep the mess.

“I’m awake, aren’t I?”

Maybe he looked… confused? Afraid? – because Sungyeol set his activity aside and came to him instead. Sungyeol took Sunggyu’s hands on his own as he sat next to him, squeezing it softly. “You’re awake, Hyung. Unfortunately.”

“Shit,” Sunggyu says because this changes everything: their comeback, their personal plan, their future.

Their life.

-

 

 

 

 

He knew what happened last night the moment Myungsoo entered the room. Sungyeol didn’t, he jumped to greet Myungsoo first before taking a good look, which resulted in pretty awkward situation.

Myungsoo didn’t know either, he looked confused as he standing in front of the door. Sungyeol caught his eyes and he nodded, letting his boyfriend pulled Myungsoo out of the room. Sunggyu focused on Woohyun instead.

The main vocal looked very distracted that he didn’t even realize that the atmosphere in the room was changing. He sat down on the chair nearest to the door and stayed still, not even looking around or greeting the other members. Sunggyu supposed it was for the best, because Sungjong looked hurt and betrayed, and Hoya looked angry and confused.

And, oh, how Sunggyu wanted to hold Woohyun and tell him that it is okay, wanted to hug Sungjong and smooth the frowns on Hoya’s face. He wanted to pull the six of them to him and lock them in his embrace, so they can all resolve this mess and simply love each other, but he couldn’t because this mess was probably started all because of Sunggyu’s selfishness.

Sungyeol came back to sit between Sunggyu and Hoya. The younger bit his lower lip, not quite knowing what to do with this situation. Sungjong left for a while, followed by Hoya. The rest of the meeting participants, the Woollim executives, arrived at that time.

Myungsoo looked even worse when he came back from the toilet as he took a seat to the only available seat, next to Sunggyu.

The CEO repeated her briefing for Myungsoo, who came late. Sunggyu didn’t try to listen. He was still keeping an eye on Woohyun when he heard Myungsoo retched beside him.

“Myungsoo,” he leaped from his seat, standing behind the younger’s chair as he massaged his back. Sungyeol was next to him immediately.

The rest of the room was taken aback by the sudden accident, eyes focusing on Myungsoo with surprise, curiosity, disgust, and Sunggyu wanted to tell them to go out or shut their eyes.

“Myungsoo, are you okay?” their CEO asked.

“I’m so sorry, Maam,” Sunggyu said. “I think he’s sick. Can we take a break and continue the meeting later?”

Their CEO didn’t immediately answer, but as she looked at the mess on Myungsoo’s shirt, she nodded.

“You can take care of him first. I expect all of you back here except Myungsoo in half an hour, okay?”

“Thank you,” Sunggyu bowed his body before checking on Myungsoo once again. Tears were now running down the poor lad’s cheek and Sunggyu desperately wiped it using his hands. Myungsoo looked very much in pain.

The other members were coming closer to them right now. Sungyeol was wiping Myungsoo’s mouth with tissue he had wet with their water.

“Are you finished, Myungsoo-yah?” Sunggyu asked. Myungsoo looked very out of it, and Sunggyu had never felt so worried before. He had seen Myungsoo vomited several time, like in the morning when he was hangover, or that one time he caught stomach flu, but Myungsoo never lost control of his stomach in public before.  

“Myungsoo,” Sungyeol softly called him. “Myungsoo, can you hear me?”

It took Myungsoo half a minute to finally give a weak nod.

“Let’s get you cleaned up, Myungsoo-yah,” Sunggyu said. “Do you think you can walk to the bathroom?”

Again, a small nod. Sunggyu and Sungyeol helped him standing up.

“Can you find a change of clothes for Myungsoo?” Sunggyu asked the remaining members. “And call the janitor to clean up here as well.”

“I’ll do it,” Woohyun answered. He looked more focused now after the accident, though he also looked pale and shaken. Sunggyu was afraid he would also throw up.

Sunggyu nodded and Woohyun darted out of the room, followed by Dongwoo. He then helped Sungyeol to take Myungsoo to the bathroom.

“I can do it myself,” Myungsoo said when Sunggyu reached for his button to undress him, voice hoarse but he started to look sober. “It’s messy.”

“It’s fine,” Sunggyu said but Myungsoo slapped his hand. Sungyeol took the shirt and pants and put them on the sink, running the water on them to get rid of the mess. Sunggyu took some tissues, wet them, and started wiping Myungsoo’s mouth again.

“Don’t,” Myungsoo said. “I can do it alone.”

“Myungsoo, you’re sick.”

“No,” Myungsoo said. “I’m just… it’s just headache. From drinking.”

Sunggyu ignored him and continued cleaning his jaw, his neck, his chest.

“We’ll take you home so you can rest, Myungsoo. Did you bring your car?”

Myungsoo weakly said no. “I came with Woohyun Hyung.”

Someone knocked he toilet door before opening it slightly. A hand slipped through the small space, offering a training pants and old sweater. It’s Woohyun’s, Sunggyu knew that hand, he used to hold it all the time. Sungyeol accepted it and said thank you, and the hand slipped away again, closing the door after him.

They helped Myungsoo to get dressed. By that time, Myungsoo’s legs already wobbled. Sunggyu supported him.

“I’ll take taxi,” he still managed to say.

“Myungsoo, please,” Sungyeol pleaded. “You’re very sick. Let us take you home, okay?”

Finally, Myungsoo yielded. Maybe because it was Sungyeol talking or maybe because he was too weak to argue. Sunggyu called their manager and asked him to get their company car ready.

When they opened the door, they found Woohyun was still standing in front of the bathroom. His confused look is back, tinged with worry and fear.

“Is Myungsoo okay?” he asked.

“He will be. Sungyeol’s taking him home,” Sunggyu answered. Woohyun looked like he wanted to offer himself, but bit his lips before he actually said it.

-

 

 

Sungyeol and Sunggyu supported Myungsoo to walk until the lobby, where Sunho Hyung had waited with his car. Woohyun followed them, bringing Myungsoo’s belonging. He watched as Sungyeol helped Myungsoo to sit in the back seat, before he sat next to him. Myungsoo didn’t resist at all, unlike before, and Sunggyu knew that the handsome boy had spent all of his remaining energy. He felt a pang of pain in his own chest, noticing how worse Myungsoo’s condition is.

“You sure I don’t need to come?” Sunggyu asked Sungyeol, who was trying to make Myungsoo leaning on him. “I can ask the CEO to postpone the meeting.”

“We’ll be fine, Hyung. The meeting is important and you need to be there. You’re the leader after all,” Sungyeol assured him.

 _Leader_ , Sunggyu thought. He looked at Myungsoo, eyes closed and skin paled, and he thought that he wasn’t a leader at all.

Sungyeol assured him one more time before closing the door. Sunggyu watched the car going, unable to move until it went out of sight in the corner. When he turned around, he realized that Woohyun was still there.

Sunggyu couldn’t remember the last time when there were just two of them without Woohyun’s rejection and aggression. He braced himself to receive another one (he knew he deserved it), but Woohyun only stood there, eyes still on the road where their manager’s car was no longer there. He didn’t seem like he realized that Sunggyu was there.

“Woohyun-ah?” he called. “Let’s go back inside. It’s cold here.”

“Hyung,” Woohyun said, voice scared. “Is he gonna be okay?”

 _Okay in what?_ Sunggyu wanted to ask. Physically, he would be. But Sunggyu knew that the reason Myungsoo threw up earlier was probably not solely because of alcohol.

“Of course, it’s just hangover,” he found himself lying through his teeth instead, more to comfort himself than to comfort Woohyun, because that was what he was hoping. It was just hangover, no more. It was not Sunggyu taking Sungyeol away from him and unintentionally breaking him, pushing him for two years until the boy finally couldn’t hold it anymore.

It didn’t make any of them feel any better. Woohyun bit his lip harder. He was feeling guilty, Sunggyu knew. And the guilt must be huge, because he even forgot to get angry to Sunggyu.

“It’s not your fault, Woohyun-ah,” Sunggyu said, tentatively touching the younger’s shoulder. Woohyun let him, surprisingly.

“I should’ve given him a stronger hangover cure. I should’ve stopped him from drinking too much,” Woohyun ranted, seemingly not hearing what Sunggyu said. “Why are you so composed, Hyung? Why aren’t you drunk? Sungyeol took care of you really well last night, didn’t he?”

Woohyun’s expression fell even more. “I shouldn’t have… why can’t I take care of Myungsoo as well as him?”

Sunggyu jerked his hand away from Woohyun’s shoulder, the words stung more than Woohyun’s usual lash out. _No_ , he thought. _That’s not it. Woohyun._

What Woohyun said was a proof of how much Sunggyu had hurt him by taking Sungyeol. Woohyun thought that he should compete to win Sunggyu’s heart, that Sunggyu pick Sungyeol because he was better than Woohyun, that Woohyun wasn’t good enough for Sunggyu.

No. If Sunggyu had to leave Woohyun back then, it was because they couldn’t find the middle ground between their differences, and not because Woohyun ‘wasn’t good enough’.

And Sunggyu would rather kill himself than leaving Woohyun with such kind of thought. The kind, capable, and perfect Woohyun, thinking that he was not good enough for Sunggyu, it was laughable for Sunggyu. Sunggyu thought he had made sure Woohyun understood this, so, hearing these words from Woohyun’s mouth two years after their break up was testament that Sunggyu had failed his own boyfriend.

It was a testament that Sunggyu, for two years, had been obliviously hurting Woohyun’s feeling over and over again.

The fact paralyzed Sunggyu, because he had been so… cruel. So… inhuman.

_So… all of this time and the only thing I did was hurting him?_

All he could do now was to grip Woohyun’s arms so strong it must left bruises.

“Don’t,” he hissed. “Don’t compare yourself with Sungyeol, or with other members. Listen to me, Woohyun. It’s not about that. It’s not about competition or who’s better, but it’s because we have different principle. Please tell me you understand this?”

But Woohyun still didn’t seem to hear him. In fact, he looked even more confused than before.

“Last night,” he said. “I shouldn’t have… we shouldn’t have done it.”

“It’s not your fault,” Sunggyu pulled the younger into his embrace. “Both of you didn’t know what you’re doing.”

“We knew,” Woohyun started to cry. “We tried to heal each other last night. Because you see, we’re both people you two discarded. We thought it would go well. And actually it kind of did, until morning came and I felt like I cheated on you, which is ridiculous, really, because we’re not even together. But I can’t shake off that feeling, because I still love you, Hyung. Do you know that deep inside my mind, I still think that if I can do better than Sungyeol, then maybe you’ll come back to me? Pathetic, really.”

“Woohyun-ah.”

“I want to get angry because it’s so unfair. Why do I still love you? When you sleep with Sungyeol, do you feel like you’re cheating on me? I want to get angry to myself, for being stupid and pathetic. To Myungsoo as well, for getting us drunk last night. To you, because you’re the start of this mess,” Woohyun said.

“Woohyun-ah.”

“But I can’t,” Woohyun continued. “Because I still love you, Hyung.”

“Woohyun-ah.”

“ _I still love you_ ,” Woohyun repeated, he sounded so frustrated, so confused. “I can’t get angry to anybody, because I still love you, Hyung.”

Sunggyu tried to understand what Woohyun was saying, because there was something in there that made the younger so confused, something that Woohyun himself didn’t understand.

“And you love Myungsoo too,” Sunggyu realized, saying it unconsciously because he surprised even himself. Woohyun looked at him in surprise. 

“What? No,” he said. “No, I told you I still love you.”

“You could be in love with me and Myungsoo at the same time," Sunggyu said. "You're confused because you feel something for Myungsoo, but you know that you still love me -"

Woohyun pushed him.

“Hyung, please. I’m very confused. I don’t know what is happening and I feel so guilty. Please don’t push me.”

Sunggyu immediately let him go. “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to push you. I just don’t want you to feel guilty for something that you shouldn’t.”

“I don’t love Myungsoo,” Woohyun said. “Not the way I like you.”

If Woohyun could hear his own voice objectively, he probably would agree that his words weren’t very convincing. But he looked so lost, like he didn’t know how to continue living with this new piece of… of information. Sunggyu took Woohyun’s arm once again, giving the younger something to hold onto.

“You two are still outside?” Dongwoo called them. “Come inside now, we’re starting the meeting.”

 

 

 

-

The meeting continues.

He sat next to Hoya during the meeting, now that both Sungyeol and Myungsoo were absent. Hoya still pursed his lips into a firm thin line, forehead creasing in scowl. His hand trembled so bad that he had to grip either his hips or his other arm to stop it, and Sunggyu wanted nothing more than taking that hand into his own and holding it firmly so it won’t be able to shake anymore.

But he couldn’t, because he was no one for Hoya. He accidentally brushed Hoya’s hand once and the younger jerked away in reflex, as if Sunggyu’s hand was electrocuting.  Also Sungjong was on the other side of the main dancer and Sunggyu thought it was not in his place to hold Hoya’s hand right in front of him.

Hoya was angry, that much Sunggyu knew. However, Hoya didn’t know to whom that anger was directed. Sunggyu, however, without doubt knew that Hoya would direct it to him once he knew the truth about him.

Sungjong didn’t notice Hoya’s emotion, he himself was as pale as ashes as he listened to the decision made by the Woollim executives. He looked calm on the outside, but Sunggyu knew Sungjong was trying hard to hold back his tears. Sometimes, when he looked up to see the other participant, he would catch the sight of Woohyun who was sitting across him. The hurt look in Sungjong’s expression cut Sunggyu right through his heart.

Dongwoo was on the other side of Sungjong, one arm was behind both Sungjong and Hoya, trying to offer comfort to both of them. He could only reach the back of Hoya, not quite able to put it around his waist.

Sunggyu wished he could feel the warmth of Dongwoo’s palm on his back as well, or even better, hold Dongwoo’s hand with his left hand so he could continue Dongwoo’s effort to embrace both of his lovers into his arms. Sungjong and Hoya would be safe from hurt and anger inside.

He wished he could, but of course he couldn’t.

-

 

“So, after you finished registering yourself to the army by next week, tell me immediately,” their CEO said. “Because you’ll be on duty only for four out of seven days a week, we can still think of some small project during your day off.”

She said that, but her tone was not sure. Truthfully, Sunggyu didn’t believe her either. He looked at his CEO. Her wrinkles looked clearer than ever today.

The government decided to build underground bunker in every town to protect their residents during the asteroid impact. It would be a massive project, so the government had to call for help from the citizen. All of male adult in South Korea must register themselves to the army base nearest to their current address and served in active duty for four days out of seven a week. Their duty would be related closely to the bunker development in each of their area.

Sunggyu supposed it could be worse. At least he still could meet his family and friends during the three days off, as well as do his job.

Their CEO finished their meeting with a gloomy face, knowing full well that a disaster was about to unfold right in front of their eyes. However, Sunggyu had something more urgent in his head. The moment the executives of Woollim left the room, Sunggyu jumped from his seat, trying to approach Woohyun, who also had jumped right away as if he was trying to avoid Sunggyu (he was, Sunggyu knew).

“Woohyun-ah, can we finish our talk?” he called to the younger before he disappeared to the corridor.

Woohyun stiffened, Sunggyu could see. “When?”

“Well,” Sunggyu said. “Anytime you like.”

“Not today then,” Woohyun pursed his lips again. “Sorry, Hyung. I’m going home first”

Sunggyu could only watch him leave.

“Hyung, we’ll be going first,” Dongwoo startled him from his thought. Sunggyu looked behind. Dongwoo, Sungjong, and Hoya were also ready to leave the agency. Sungjong in the middle, Dongwoo and Hoya on each of his side, their hands on his waist, crossing each other on his back.

Sunggyu smiled at them, but stopped midway because Sungjong still hadn’t recovered from the shock over seeing Myungsoo with Dongwoo and Hoya still had a frown attached on his forehead. His hand itched to caress that cheek and smooth that creases, but he held himself.

“Yeah,” he could only say. “Be careful.”

_Such a leader you are, Sunggyu._

All the way to Myungsoo’s apartment, Sunggyu couldn’t help but replaying what happened this morning. Woohyun, disoriented and confused from the moment he entered the meeting room; Myungsoo, so sick both physically and emotionally that he vomited right in front of their CEO; Sungjong, trying hard to hide his misty eyes from his two boyfriends; Hoya, shaking in anger but didn’t know to whom that emotion should be directed; Dongwoo, did his best to pick them up, one by one, from Hoya to Sungjong to Woohyun, even Sunggyu.

_God._

_What has he done to his own team?_

_What has he done to the people he loves?_

When Sungyeol opened the door for him, he just stayed in front of the door, looking at his lover’s face carefully. He traced his fingers on Sungyeol forehead, shifted to the temples, down to his cheeks, all the while he looked at his eyes. He tried to find any sign of hurt, pain, disappointment, anger, and frustration.

“Hyung?”

Sunggyu ignored him, only releasing him a minute later, when he finally managed to convince himself that at least, he hadn’t managed to wrong Sungyeol.

"Sorry, Yeol,” he said. “I’m just feeling sentimental. How is Myungsoo?"

"Asleep," Sungyeol said with worry-ladden voice. "It’s not just a hangover. He develops a fever."

Sunggyu frowned when he heard that Myungsoo was sick, but also immensely relieved when he found out that Myungsoo was asleep. Carefully, as quiet as possible, he entered the bedroom. Myungsoo was lying on the bed, dead to the world. Sunggyu sat himself next to the younger.

Sungyeol had taken a good care of him, Sunggyu noticed. He could smell a soft fragrance of Myungsoo’s soap as well as fresh pajamas. There was a half bowl of soup and an empty glass of water on the bedside table. The room was warm and there was a cold compress on Myungsoo’s forehead.

However, Myungsoo still looked pale. He was drenched in sweat as well. Myungsoo was usually calm in his sleep, but this time he let out a pained groan sometimes, and looked very uncomfortable. Sunggyu felt tears forming in his eyes, seeing how much Myungsoo had suffered.

“What have I done to you, Myungsoo-yah?” he asked himself.

Sunggyu could only take the unconscious man’s hand on his, caressed it softly. Sometimes he brought it to his lips and kissed it. It won’t take away his fever, nor lessen his pain, but if Sunggyu could do any of that, believe him, he would.

He knew that Sungyeol observed him from the doorway in silence.  He was thankful the younger didn’t call him at all.

When he finally got out of the room, Sungyeol was cleaning the mess in Myungsoo’s living room. He looked up when he heard him closing the door and froze when he caught a sight of him.

“Hyung?”

Sunggyu crossed the room and threw his arms around his lover, who let go of whatever thing he was holding to catch him.

Sungyeol felt so strong, so tall, so safe when Sunggyu buried his face on the younger’s shoulder. He’d like to think that at least, at the very least, he hadn’t broken this boy yet.

“Hyung,” he said, hands on Sunggyu’s back and nape. Sunggyu knew that the younger had seen his wet eyes, probably even felt tears seeping through his clothes right now.

"What have I done, Sungyeol-ah?" he cried. "I wanted to love all of you but I ended up hurting you all instead."

“Ssssh, Hyung,” Sungyeol whispered, voice shaking. “It’s not your fault.”

“It is,” Sunggyu said. “It’s because I’m greedy, I’m selfish, and I overestimated my ability.”

“It’s not true,” Sungyeol kept whispering in his ear, but it was hard to believe him when he thought about what happened this morning.

“If only I stopped myself from being greedy. If only I knew that this is just whimsical delusion. Who did I think I was? Why did I feel so confident that I can make all six of you happy?”

“You made me happy,” Sungyeol pointed out. “If you can make me happy, you can make the other happy too.”

“No, Sungyeol. No. I’ve hurt them. I’ve broken them. I’ve fucked up our relationship.”

“Then we fix it, Hyung.”

“How, Sungyeol. How?”

“Step by step,” Sungyeol said. “We do what we can do, yeah Hyung? Slowly, like how we do it all this time.”

“I don’t know, Sungyeol. I just… I don’t want to hurt them again while I try.”

“But if you don’t,” Sungyeol patiently answered. “They’ll keep hurting, Hyung.”

“I don’t think I can…”

Sungyeol squeezed him tightly, pressing his lips on Sunggyu’s temple.

“You can do it, Hyung. I’ll be with you. I will never leave you.”

A sob broke through his lips. Sunggyu rarely cried, especially not out loud like this. But his members – all of them – were hurting, and he was _desperate_ to make them stop hurting, but he didn’t know how and it hurt him to see Woohyun, Hoya, Dongwoo, Sungjong, Myungsoo sick and confused and hurt and angry and worried and he wished he could take those away from them all but he was also aware that he could be the one who inflicted those on them instead.

Sunggyu clutched Sungyeol's arm, clinging onto him like he would die if he didn't. He didn't want to be selfish anymore, but this afternoon, this moment, he just wanted to be held by Sungyeol, and Sungyeol did exactly that, all afternoon, until Sunggyu cried himself to sleep.

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yadongjong, dongjong talking about wooya, woojong

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so the update that was promised two days after the last one stretched out to be two months /bow in shame/
> 
> but here it is. this chapter happened because of cian1675, chelsmels, and kpumsy, who have guided me back to the right way when i was lost inside my mind. thank you for supporting me that much that night /sobs/ you guys are angels.
> 
> this is a little short, but please enjoy~

 

 

Sungjong didn’t remember much about the rest of the day, he was busy trying to keep his tears from falling. He couldn’t do that, not in front of his two boyfriends, at least.

But it was a harder task than he ever thought. He kept feeling the dampness in the end of his eyes. He hated sitting in the back seat of the car, because he could feel Hoya and Dongwoo glancing at him worriedly through the rearview mirror every now and then.

When finally a drop of tear ran down his cheek, he tried his best to wipe it in discreet. He knew he failed when he saw Hoya’s knuckles going white as he clutched the steer wheel in anger and Dongwoo bit his lip while pretending to be busy looking at the view outside.

And he was angry, not to Myungsoo, not to Woohyun, but to himself, because he was being unfair to the two boys in front of him. They had picked him up from the ruin of his own feeling and here he was, weeping for another boy who had ruined him in the first place.

“Hyung, is it okay if I stay at my parents’ tonight?” he asked his two lovers. Dongwoo was the first to respond.

“Of course we won’t stop you from going home, Jjong-ah,” he said. “But don’t you think it is better to stay together with us?”

_Not tonight_ , Sungjong thought. _Especially not tonight. I’ll end up hurting you instead, Hyung, and today there were too much of that already. Let me spare you._

“You need us the most tonight, Sungjong-ah,” Hoya added. “And we want to be with you when you need us the most.”

“You don’t have to, Hyung.”

“But we want to,” Dongwoo said, his hand reaching to the back seat to wipe Sungjong’s tears. “Let us take care of you, Darling.”

His hand was big and strong, and Sungjong reached up to hold it, asking him not to let go, and despite the awkward position, Dongwoo never protested.

-

 

 

By the time they reached Hoya’s apartment, Sungjong was able to control himself once again. Usually he would cook for their food, being the only one with passable kitchen skill. Today, they pushed him into the bed and sandwiched him between the two of them as soon as the door was closed.

“You can cry,” Hoya said. “Just let everything out.”

So Sungjong did, intentionally letting out all of his sadness and anger, and once he did, he realized that he was still crying, but this time instead of from heartbreak, it was from gratefulness after realizing there were two people who cared about his happiness in this world.

-

 

 

When he woke up, he found only Hoya sleeping next to him. He squinted to look at the digital clock on Hoya’s desk. It was only three in the morning. It seemed like he woke up because his throat felt too dry.

Pulling himself from the bed, Sungjong took a sip of water from the glass on the bedside table. He didn’t remember either of them putting it there last night, so he knew it must be Dongwoo who did it.

He tucked Hoya back under the blanket before gingerly going out of the room, looking for the lead rapper of the group. He found him on the kitchen table, leaning on the chair while looking at the city view outside.

“What are you doing here alone, Hyung?” Sungjong asked, taking a seat next to him. Dongwoo appeared to be startled, but soon he smiled when he saw it was Sungjong.

“I’m thinking,” he answered.

“About what?”

“About a lot of thing,” Dongwoo answered. “I was looking at the city and I thought that maybe next year it won’t be this bright. When the meteor strikes, the damage must be huge. I thought, maybe we should look for the alternative of our protection. I searched online earlier and there is a group of scientist that thinks making a submarine is better than making an underground banker.”

Sungjong chuckled hearing the absurdity of the idea, but it mysteriously cheered him up. He listened attentively as Dongwoo explained the mechanism of the submarine with his hands, asking questions here and there.

It only took five minutes until Dongwoo got exhausted of explaining. Leaning back on his chair, he lifted his feet off the floor and put it on his seat while turning his position so now he was fully facing Sungjong.

“I also think about you,” he added.

“What do you think about me?” Sungjong asked.

“I think about when we first met in the Woollim practice room,” Dongwoo said, reaching to brush Sungjong’s hair. “I remember how I was struck with your beauty and wondered what kind of person you are.”

“What kind of person I am?” Sungjong asks, intrigued by Dongwoo’s talk. The way Dongwoo looked at him, talked about him, and touched him made him warm, special.

“You’re not a person at all,” Dongwoo said. “You’re an angel.”

Sungjong snorted because he couldn’t help it. Sungjong? An angel? Maybe he should bring a mirror and show Dongwoo who the real angel was. He said that to Dongwoo and the older man laughed so loud, finding Sungjong’s statement funny (thought Sungjong didn’t know where).

“Anyway, I’m not an angel,” Sungjong said, finally. He wasn’t an angel.

“Then how about this? You’re an ET,” Dongwoo suggested and Sungjong pretended to roll his eyes.

“Why can’t I be a human?”

“Because you’ve always been so kind, kinder than anybody else,” Dongwoo said softly. Sungjong scrunched his nose. He didn’t feel kind. He wasn’t kind. “Like, you always let us get away with our teasing. You never had any hard feeling even when we are rude to you.”

“I had actually, and a lot,” Sungjong said. “And I take my revenge too. Remember what I did with Woohyun Hyung and Sungyeol Hyung’s sneakers that one time?”

Dongwoo laughed again. “Yes, but you only take revenge to those who deserve it. Meanwhile, most of the time you are purposely being lenient to us, because you think we need it. Like you let Sunggyu Hyung nags at you, or Woohyun and Sungyeol and Hoya to tease you, or Myungsoo and me to cling on you. You never deny us from taking what we need from you.”

Sungjong looked at Dongwoo. He always knew that Dongwoo was observant, but not to this extent. He felt touched and appreciated, in a way that he had never been before.

“Look who’s talking,” he could only whisper that back, hand reaching for Dongwoo’s thigh and caressing him there.

“And you’re so reliable too,” Dongwoo continues, ignoring Sungjong’s modest protest. “You’re always confident and so sure of yourself. You make Hoya and me feels blessed with your presence.”

“Hyung, stop it. You’re making me embarrassed.”

“But it’s the truth,” Dongwoo said, finally had enough with just brushing his hair and tugged him to sit on his lap instead. Sungjong was surprised to find himself obliging that easily.

“Also, I like seeing you blush,” Dongwoo peppered his face with light, feathery kiss. “It’s like seeing a flower blooming. You look beautiful.”

“Hyung,” Sungjong whined in embarrassment and he finally decided to kiss Dongwoo to shut him up. Dongwoo responded quickly, and soon their tongues were tangled in a battle of dominance, which Sungjong let Dongwoo to win.

This was his first time making out with Dongwoo without Hoya around, and he was surprised to find it feels so natural between them. No awkwardness at all, just comfort and passion. But maybe he shouldn’t be surprised. Dongwoo was always easy to love.

They pulled away when they need to breathe, and Sungjong put his head on Dongwoo’s shoulder, enjoying its warmth and broadness.

“What else do you think about?” he mumbled against the older man’s neck.

“I think about Hoya,” Dongwoo said, and his tone changed, more nervous, more worried.

“Is he okay?”

“I think Hoya is angry,” Dongwoo told him.

“He’s angry about Myungsoo Hyung and me, isn’t he?” Sungjong asked, closing his eyes.

“Yes,” Dongwoo said. “Yes, that too. And also because of other thing.”

“What other thing?”

“About Myungsoo and Woohyunnie.”

Sungjong pulled himself slowly to face the rapper. “What do you mean with that?”

“Can I trust you not to be judgmental about this?”

“Of course,” Sungjong assured the older man, reaching for his hands and held them in his to emphasize the point.

“I think, Hoya may have a little interest toward Woohyun.”

Sungjong blinked, trying to process the information. “Interested as in…?”

“I don’t know yet. Maybe Hoya himself doesn’t know yet. It’s just… when he is angry toward Myungsoo for sleeping with Woohyun, he’s not only concerned because of you, but he’s also worried about Woohyun.”

There was a little flare of jealousy on Sungjong’s chest at that. It may even show on his face, because Dongwoo gently cupped his face and looked at him in the eyes.

“It doesn’t mean that he isn’t angry for your behalf too, Jjong-ah.”

Sungjong knew that. He had learned everything he could about polyamory before committing himself to this relationship. He knew that the first thing he had to learn to control is the jealousy. But still, this was new for him.

“Aren’t you jealous of him, Hyung?” he asked Dongwoo, who didn’t seem to be as bothered as himself.

“No, actually,” Dongwoo said. “I’m more concerned of Hoya’s feeling about this.”

Sungjong played with Dongwoo’s hair. Somehow he understood and didn’t understand at the same time.  He understood what it was like not to be jealous when his boyfriend spending some time with other person, because he didn’t get jealous when he left Hoya and Dongwoo alone. 

But he didn’t understand why he still felt jealous thinking about Hoya and Woohyun together. Was it because it was Woohyun? Was it because Woohyun slept with Myungsoo, so Sungjong’s brain naturally didn’t like it?

“This is all very complicated,” Sungjong told Dongwoo.

“It is,” Dongwoo hummed.

“And what will you do about Hoya Hyung’s feeling?”

“It’s still a maybe,” Dongwoo said. “So I won’t do anything for the moment. Also, I want to make sure about your feeling here as well. I don’t want any of you to get hurt.”

“I still don’t know what I feel about this,” Sungjong admitted. “Can you give me some time?”

“Of course, Jjong-ah. Take all the time you need,” Dongwoo smiled at him before pulling him down to kiss him again.

-

 

 

Sungjong thought about the exact conversation he had with Dongwoo, and worked with his feeling.

Woohyun and Hoya. What would he feel if they were together?

Now, a couple of days after that day, Sungjong felt his anger evaporated somewhere. He didn’t have any right to get angry at Woohyun, or Myungsoo. He wasn’t Myungsoo’s boyfriend. He never was. It was totally Myungsoo and Woohyun’s business if they wanted to have sex with each other, whether with feeling or not.

He blushed when he remembered how he blamed Myungsoo that day. That was such a display of weakness and vulnerability. That wasn’t necessary.

He also got embarrassed when he internally blamed Woohyun as well. Woohyun did nothing wrong. If Myungsoo decided that Woohyun was a better lay than Sungjong, it wasn’t Woohyun’s fault. He felt a little guilty now. Woohyun was rather sweet when he helped the three of them to be together, despite his negative view toward polyamory.

Also, Sungjong saw how awkward Woohyun and Myungsoo got around each other that morning after the sex. They probably didn’t even know themselves why they did the sex in the first place.

Maybe he should talk to them. Apologizing. Explaining. It would be easier for all of them.

Well, maybe he should talk to Woohyun first. Myungsoo… Myungsoo would have to wait, until Sungjong felt strong enough.

Meeting with Wooyun wouldn’t be difficult, Sungjong knew that much. They were groupmate after all. It was only two days later when he met the main vocal. He was in Woollim, about to give the copy of his enlistment to the CEO when the elevator door opened and Woohyun was there.

Woohyun hesitated for a moment, frozen on his spot even when the door was wide open. When it was about to close again, he snapped into reality and pressed the open button before leaping out of the elevator.

“Sorry, Sungjong,” he said. “You’re going up, right?”

“No,” Sungjong said. He saw an opportunity to talk to Woohyun about this mess. He wanted to address the elephant in the room that was standing between the two of them. “I want to talk to you, Hyung.”

Woohyun looked terribly uncomfortable and to be honest, Sungjong felt the same. But he braced himself. His problem was never with Woohyun, it was with Myungsoo. He didn’t want to ruin something that was actually fine.

“I… yeah. I guess we need to talk,” Woohyun said. “Where?”

“Here is fine,” Sungjong told him. “I just want you to know that I don’t resent you for what happened, nor do I think of you differently. I don’t want you to feel guilty or uncomfortable toward me.”

Woohyun protested. “But, you should be. Sungjong, I didn’t mean it but you must’ve been hurt from my recklessness.”

“Hyung,” he touched the older boy’s arm. “I am already with other people, okay? It hurts me, but it’s nothing that won’t heal. If I was harsh toward you that day, it was just my knee-jerk reaction. I’ve calmed down now, and I’ve been thinking about it thoroughly. There is no need for me to be angry with you, okay?”

“But, Jjong –“

“In fact,” Sungjong continued softly, ignoring Woohyun’s protest. “I think you and Myungsoo Hyung are the ones who were hurt the most.”

Woohyun looked surprised. Sungjong had to hold back his snort, so typical of Woohyun not to notice that he was hurting.

“What is your plan for this situation, Hyung?” he asked. When Woohyun didn’t answer, Sungjong knew he didn’t have one. “Have you ever talked to someone about this?”

Woohyun shook his head, smiling bitterly. “To whom do you think I can talk about this, Jjong?”

“Well, you can start with Myungsoo Hyung,” Sungjong sassed, before realizing that it wasn’t the best timing for passive-aggressive reaction when Woohyun’s face went several shades paler.

“Sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean it to sound harsh. Hyung, why don’t you talk to me? You’ve helped me before, I don’t mind to pay it back.”

Woohyun was startled. “But Sungjong, that won’t be right. I mean we’re gonna talk about me and Myungsoo, won’t you… won’t you be uncomfortable with that?”

“Hyung, like I told you before, I don’t want us to be uncomfortable or awkward around each other, okay? At this point, both Myungsoo Hyung and you are my friends, I want the best for the both of you,” he patiently explained. “So, what do you think? Do you want to talk about it with me?”

Woohyun bit his lip, but he nodded. “But not here.”

“Not here,” Sungjong agreed. “What about your apartment?”

Woohyun hesitated a little, maybe he remembered what happened the last time he had comforted someone in an empty apartment.

“Hyung, we won’t drink anything and we won’t have sex, I guarantee you that. So, how?”

Woohyun blushed, knowing Sungjong could completely read what was going on in his mind. “Yeah,” he nodded. “Okay.”

 

 

 

 


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Woojong; not exactly Woogyuyeol; finally Woosoo; let's hope they'll get better Woogyu

 

 

They had done this before, Woohyun realized.

Not in Woohyun’s apartment, maybe. It was in Sungjong’s apartment. But the arrangement is almost the same. Sungjong sitting on the couch, listening to him, keeping him company.

Except this time, Woohyun was the only one left with problem. Sungjong had moved on. He was happy now. Seven years and Sungjong was still the most reliable person among them all.

“Would you need some alcohol?” Sungjong asked when he had finished a glass of cranberry juice (he was always a diligent fuss about his skin health).

“What?”

“It may help you talk,” Sungjong said matter-of-factly, but Woohyun grimaced.

“No,” he said firmly, remembering the cause of this disaster in the first place. “No alcohol.”

“Is that night really that traumatizing for you, Hyung? Is the sex that bad?”

“No!” Woohyun glared, before softening his gaze when he remembered that Sungjong had a history with Myungsoo. Did they ever have sex during that time Sungjong trying to win Myungsoo’s heart?

“No,” Sungjong agreed, chuckling slightly. “Myungsoo Hyung is not bad at sex.”

“I really don’t want to discuss Myungsoo’s sex life with you,” he folded his hands in front of his chest, before looking at the maknae carefully. “And how can you discuss it so casually? Are you already over him now? Because if you do, then you need to teach me how.”

“No,” Sungjong said easily. “I’m not over him, but I’m learning.”

Woohyun had been learning for two years with no result. Sungjong actually caught his look and guessed what he was thinking correctly.

“It hurt so much, you know, when you walked in the room with him that morning, covered in bite mark like you’re purposely showing it to the world.”

“We didn’t purposely – I didn’t even realize –“

“I thought you two were doing it to spite Sunggyu Hyung and Sungyeol Hyung, and I hated you for not being thoughtful, because you should have known that I was the one who would have ended hurt the most.”

Woohyun was speechless at that. “Sungjong-ah, I’m sorry –“

“Stop it, Hyung. It’s okay. I’m fine now.”

He couldn’t be fine. Really, Woohyun couldn’t even imagine how much it would hurt if the one walking in the room covered in hickeys were Sunggyu and Sungyeol. Thankfully, so far there had never been an accident of such kind – the two of them aren’t that fond of showing affection beyond exchanging casual touches.

“But how can you be fine?” Woohyun asked.

“Because it won’t get any better even if I’m not fine,” Sungjong said. “Even if I torture myself everyday thinking of how much Myungsoo not wanting me, it won’t change his feeling. So, I just decided to be fine.”

“But it’s _feeling_. It comes to you, you don’t decide it for you,” Woohyun protests. Sungjong sounded like one of his many self-help books and Woohyun wasn’t buying.

“Well, Hoya Hyung and Dongwoo Hyung helped.”

Woohyun snorted. “Lucky you, you’re still wanted elsewhere. By two of them as well.”

“You’re wanted too,” Sungjong said, giving him a meaningful look that Woohyun couldn’t quite decipher.

“Yeah, technically I’m still wanted. It’s just that I’m not the only one he wants,” he sulked.

“All of these years and you’re still this stupid, Hyung,” Sungjong sighed. “There’s someone else who wanted you. He just let you shagged him after a night of drunken conversation. It happened three days ago, don’t you remember?”

Woohyun didn’t answer for a moment.

“Myungsoo doesn’t want me,” he finally sighed.

“Don’t decide Myungsoo Hyung’s answer by yourself,” Sungjong said, getting up to refill his juice.

“I hurt him rather badly, if you didn’t remember.”

“I remember,” Sungjong said. “It made me want to strangle you on the spot, that morning. You didn’t even look at him once.”

“I was… I was afraid he’d take this seriously.”

“Are you not serious?”

“I…”

“Are you not serious? That night? It was just a drunken mistake?”

“It wasn’t a mistake.”

“Then?”

“I just… I’m not over Sunggyu Hyung yet.”

Sungjong snorted his cranberry juice back to the glass. Both of them looked at the red liquid in disgust.

“Sorry. It’s just… you know, like saying that elephant eats fruits. It’s irrelevant.”

“It’s relevant,” Woohyun said. “I was being unfair to Myungsoo.”

“You’re being unfair to yourself,” Sungjong said, putting the glass on the TV table, before sitting on the carpet next to him. “I wasn’t over Myungsoo Hyung myself, but I give myself a chance to be loved by other people.”

“But…”

“Hyung, let me ask you a question. Say, Sunggyu Hyung, right now, suddenly break up with Sungyeol and ask you to get back together, will you accept him?”

Woohyun hesitated. “Yes,” he said. “But only if he begs.”

“Say again, you get together with Myungsoo Hyung. Then Sunggyu Hyung and Sungyeol Hyung break up and Sunggyu Hyung ask you to get back together, will you ditch Myungsoo?”

“No!” Woohyun cries. “Of course I won’t!”

“There it is, your answer,” Sungjong smiled triumphantly.

“But…”

“Maybe I would never ditch Myungsoo, but what if I, in my heart, still love Sunggyu Hyung more than Myungsoo?”

“I was having the same doubt when I accepted Yadong’s proposal, you know?” Sungjong said. “But as time passes, I realize that I love both of them just as much as I love Myungsoo Hyung. Maybe even bigger now.”

He took Woohyun’s hand. “You realized what I’m saying, Hyung? Both of them. I love both of them. Hoya Hyung I’ve always loved even before Myungsoo Hyung. But Dongwoo Hyung? I know him better only after dating and I wonder how on the earth I’ve never looked at him that way before.”

“This is so strange,” Woohyun murmured. “Aren’t you supposed to love Myungsoo?”

“I do,” Sungjong said. “It’s just, now I just want him to be happy. I just want you to be happy as well. The two of you deserve it. If you can make each other better, why not?”

“I don’t know. I don’t think I ever deserve happiness. It never comes in my doorsteps,” Woohyun leaned into Sungjong.

“If happiness doesn’t come to you, you march up to its door and bang it until it opens,” Sungjong said and pulled Woohyun to rest his head on his lap.

“Thanks,” Woohyun said. “Sungjong-ah, you’re just… brilliant. Absolutely mature. You should host a consultation program.”

“When will you go to Myungsoo Hyung?”

 

 

 

-

Woohyun stood in front of the door, hesitating for a whole minute before putting his finger on the bell.

Sungjong had made it sound so easy, but really he really should have adjusted Sungjong’s standard to his. Easy for Sungjong doesn’t mean easy for normal human.

 He had rehearsed what he wanted to say: the apology first, then the reason of his insensitive behavior yesterday, then the hardest part – what he wanted for both of them in the future. Still, muttering the words to himself in his own bathroom is a whole lot different than actually saying it to Myungsoo.

“If happiness doesn’t come to you, you march up to its door and bang it until it opens,” Sungjong had said.

It only needed a slightest press from Woohyun’s finger and the bell would ring. He did it before he could think any further. There, now he had no choice but to face the younger and straighten their relationship – if he could call it that.

However when the door opened, all of his resolution crumbled. Sungyeol was standing in front of him, one hand still on the door knob. So many emotions flash on his face, too many that Woohyun couldn’t even catch all of them. Probably they were all the same with what he was feeling right now.

“Hyung,” Sungyeol greeted when he was done with his feeling.

Woohyun wasn’t. He wanted to say something but his tongue felt heavy and he ended up staring at the taller boy. He cursed himself for not remembering that Sungyeol was the one taking Myungsoo home that day, he was too shocked and scared at that time and he felt like a fool now because he didn’t anticipate that Sungyeol would be staying.

Because of course he would be staying – someone needed to take care of Myungsoo.

“How is he?” Woohyun blurted out. He didn’t intend to say that, but for Sungyeol to stay here until now, could it be that his fever becomes worse?

“The doctor said he will be fine today,” Sungyeol stepped back to let Woohyun in. Woohyun hesitated. “He is still asleep, but you can come in and wake him up if you want. It’s time for him to eat his medicine.”

Woohyun didn’t want to do the conversation he was planning with Myungsoo while Sungyeol was on the house. Still, he wanted to see Myungsoo. At least, to make sure that he was really going to be fine. But it would be awkward to meet him and not addressing anything about them. Worse, Myungsoo could assume the worst and who knew how much lower their relationship could be after that.

“I’ll just take a look at him,” Woohyun said finally. “I don’t want to disturb his sleep.”

Sungyeol didn’t argue, merely closing the door quietly after Woohyun entered.

He almost bolted out again right then when he recognized another pair of shoes in the entrance. _Sunggyu_ was here. Kim Sunggyu was fucking here.

No, he couldn’t do this with Sunggyu in the house. Not even when he only wanted to look Myungsoo for a second or two. He didn’t want Sunggyu to hear that. Maybe later, when (and if) Myungsoo agreed with his proposal.

“I think I changed my mind,” he said. Sungyeol who already walked ahead of him turned back in alert, like Woohyun just said that he would electrocute him from behind.

“But no!” Sungyeol said. “Don’t go. I’m cooking breakfast, you can talk freely with Myungsoo. The two of you.”

“It’s not that,” Woohyun said, already turning back.

“Myungsoo would be really happy to see you,” Sungyeol said, and his voice cracked in the end. It hadn’t been cracked for very long.

In the end, the possibility to make Myungsoo happy won and he followed Sungyeol inside. There was no sign of Sunggyu, probably he was still asleep. Sungyeol gestured to the direction of the kitchen.

“I’ll stay in there for quite a while. If you need anything just call me.”

Woohyun nodded and let Sungyeol’s body disappeared behind the kitchen wall before he went to the master bedroom. The door was half-opened already, Woohyun pushed it a little so he could pass through, and froze.

Sunggyu was there, sitting on the chair next to Myungsoo, hands caressing the sleeping man’s but upon hearing the door he looked up and froze as well. Their gazes met and Woohyun wanted to look away, but he was too mesmerized with what he found in the older man’s eyes that he couldn’t.

Sunggyu was looking at him with a hundreds shades of misery, as if he was the one who was ill, as if he felt Myungsoo’s symptoms himself.

And for the first time, Woohyun was hit with a realization that Sunggyu was actually, truly, love the six of them – all six of them. He could never believe it before, he was sure it was just an excuse for a break up. Just a justification to get together with Sungyeol. Just a phase he would grow out. Because, loving six people, really?

But what else can explain those eyes if it wasn’t love?

Woohyun didn’t let go of the door as his head spinning. He still couldn’t look away. How could Sunggyu make such a genuine expression when Sungyeol was just in the next room, preparing breakfast for him and Myungsoo?

And how could he still want to reach for the older man and wipe that expression away? He clutched the doorknob harder, not trusting his hand not to instinctively moving to brush the other man’s cheek.

Sunggyu recovered first, his gaze returned to normal as he let go of Myungsoo’s hand.

“You came,” he said, forcing a smile. It was ugly, Woohyun hated it.

“Sungyeol didn’t tell me you’re here.”

“Ah, I’m supposed to be in the kitchen, helping him. I sneaked out when he opened the door.”

Woohyun didn’t know how to answer. Sunggyu stood up and approached him. Unconsciously, Woohyun stepped back and felt a stab of regret when he noticed the slight grimace on the older man’s face. He had seen enough vulnerable Sunggyu today. He couldn’t see more, or he would break his defense.

Sunggyu didn’t mean anything by it. He was only trying to get out. He gave Woohyun a small smile again when he passed him.

Now it was only him and Myungsoo in the room. He took some steps to the bed and sit on the chair Sunggyu had vacated.

Actually, the visual looked better already compared to that day. He was no longer pale and his breath was normal. His sleep was peaceful as well, and looking at him like this – without the ever-presence angry scowl and exhausted sigh – he looked angelic.

How could Woohyun destroy this face that day, he didn’t understand himself.

From now on, he supposed he could try his best to make him happy. Maybe he wouldn’t be able to completely heal Myungsoo’s scar, the same way Myungsoo probably wouldn’t be able to do it to Woohyun’s, but they could try to make each other better.

When Sunggyu and Sungyeol delivered the still hot porridge and the medicine to the room, Woohyun accepted the tray and looked at them.

“Would you mind if I take care of him from now on?” he asked the couple. Sunggyu and Sungyeol looked at each other, Sungyeol worried while Sunggyu surprised.

“You sure you want to do it alone?” Sungyeol asked, he looked rather wary toward Woohyun’s request.

“I can manage,” Woohyun smiled. “I took care of you lot pretty often when we lived together. Besides, you haven’t got any rest these two days.”

They both actually nodded, probably not even realizing it. Sometimes taking care of the sick was indeed really exhausting even if it didn’t look like it.

“I take it that you decided to make up with Myungsoo?” Sunggyu asked, tone unreadable.

“I decided, but whether we’ll make up or not, it’s up to Myungsoo.”

Sungyeol opened his mouth, but he quickly bit it again. Sunggyu put a comforting hand on his back and this time it was Woohyun who bit his own lip.

They told him the dosage and the schedule for the medication before leaving. When Sungyeol was going to the guest room for the last time to check if they left anything, Woohyun approached Sunggyu.

“I need to talk to you,” he said. “But not here.”

“Alright,” Sunggyu answered. “Just text me the time and place.”

Then Sungyeol came back, a phone charger in his hand. They left not long after, but Woohyun still had one more emotional war to go through.

 

 

 

-

He pats Myungsoo on the cheek, trying to get him to wake up. His hand brushed the jaw and it felt rough with stubble. It seemed like he hadn’t shaved yet for three days. Absentmindedly Woohyun ran his hands on it.

“Stop it,” Myungsoo swatted his hand away and rolled himself to curl up again. Woohyun chuckled because it had been so long since he witnessed Myungsoo’s morning lethargy – last time didn’t count.

Hearing the chuckle, Myungsoo opened one of his eyes. He made a surprised noise when he saw him and then scrambled to sit down until he was about to fall again. Woohyun caught him.

“Slowly, Myungsoo-yah. You’re still stick.”

“Why are you here?” he asked, tone both wary and curious. There was no hint of him being happy seeing Woohyun there.

“I wanted to check on you.”

Myungsoo cleared his throat and Woohyun reached for the glass of water on the tray, giving it to Myungsoo.

“Where is Sungyeol?”

“I asked him to go home and rest.”

“Why?”

“I’ll take over,” Woohyun said, this time taking a bowl of porridge. It had cooled off and no longer scorching hot, but warm and eatable.

“Why?”

“I’ll tell you after you eat,” Woohyun said. “Can you eat alone or…?”

Myungsoo said he can eat alone and he did, actually finished it clean and even asked for a second.

“I’m glad you seem healthy already,” Woohyun said when Myungsoo had finished the medicine. He brought everything to the kitchen and washed them as well. When he went back to the bedroom, Myungsoo had washed his face and brushed his teeth.

“I feel really well today,” he said.

Woohyun gave him disapproving glare. “You should rest until you’re completely well.”

“I forget just how much of a mother hen you are,” Myungsoo laughed, before abruptly stopped, remembering that they still have unresolved matter hanging between them.

Woohyun didn’t want Myungsoo to stop laughing. He had been too enveloped in Sunggyu that he forgot how quite beautiful everything around him is. Including Myungsoo. Especially Myungsoo.

“Actually,” Woohyun cleared his throat. “I came to say sorry.”

“About that night.”

“About that night.”

“I’m sorry too.”

“No! Why are you saying sorry?”

“You said sorry so I thought… it was a drunken mistake?”

“I didn’t say sorry for the sex.”

“Then?”

“Because I was a jerk in the morning.”

“Well that was…”

“I was a jerk. I should at least…”

“Why did you act like that?”

“I was confused. I was scared. I’m afraid that I’d lead you on while I’m still not over Sunggyu Hyung yet.”

“Are you?”

“Right now?”

“Yes.”

“I’m still not over him yet,” Woohyun blushed, hating how he can’t just get rid of Sunggyu once and forever. “But Sungjong said I could learn.”

“Sungjong?”

“Yes. He told me that I’m being unfair, to myself. It may take me forever to move on from Sunggyu Hyung if I just wait for the feeling to go by itself. I should get rid of it myself.”

“That makes me sound like I’m a rebound.”

“I’m a little disagreed myself, but then again when I think about that night, all I can remember is you, Myungsoo. I didn’t think I’ve ever felt that happy after a long time.”

“Until the morning came.”

“Until the morning came, yes,” Woohyun dropped his gaze, and then quietly asks. “Do you think of Sungyeol during that night?”

“At first, yes,” Myungsoo confessed, and Woohyun swallowed a bitter feeling before he continued. “But when you kissed me… actually I didn’t even remember what I think that night. I was far too gone.”

Woohyun clutched the end of Myungsoo’s blanket.

“I have a thought. You can disagree with me, I won’t force you. I just thought… I thought that… maybe we could… help each other?”

Myungsoo was silent for a moment.

“Like… dating?”

“Not dating, maybe. You deserve better than me. Someone who really like you, only you,” Woohyun clenched his hand, his heart beat fast. He felt really nervous.

“Then what?” Myungsoo asked, rather sharply.

“Just casual… er…”

There was another moment of silent, and Woohyun was sure that he was already rejected, when Myungsoo took his hand.

“Let’s just not define it,” his tone was lighter, and Woohyun looked up in wonder. Myungsoo smiled at him. Maybe not the warmest smile he’d ever seen, but it was laced with something like hope. Something like wanting to get better.

That was all answer Woohyun wanted, for now.

“Maybe we can ask Sungjong,” he smiled back.

“He’s really smart, Sungjongie. Wise too.”

“Then why did you treat him so bad?” Woohyun pretended to hit Myungsoo’s arm.

“The same reason that happened to you that morning after sex?” Myungsoo raised his eyebrows.

“Well...” Woohyun grimaced.

“This is fucking mess. It’s like the four of us swaps boyfriend. Then we have threesome as well in the group,” Myungsoo said, then he shrugged. “Oh well, stranger things had happened.”

Woohyun thought about Sunggyu. He thought it wasn’t yet stranger than seven-some his ex was envisioning. How would they even call it?

But, he chased the thought away for now. Slowly, he’d learned to get over Sunggyu. He pulled Myungsoo closer and when the other responded, they let themselves leaned against each other.

 

 

-

The coffee wasn’t bitter at all, it was bland and tasteless. This is his first time here and he didn’t even consider the possibility of the food being bad. He only remembered this place being almost empty every time he passes by, an ideal place for him to meet Sunggyu that isn’t in either of their apartment or Woollim.

In front of him, if Sunggyu found the drink as disgusting as he did, the older man didn’t show anything.

“How are you?” the leader asked after putting down his mug.

Woohyun took a second of pause before answering, because he had prepared a detail of Myungsoo’s condition on the tip of his tongue.

“I’m –“ he faltered. So much for doing this calmly, coldly, and eloquently like he planned. “I’m –“ he tried again.

Woohyun glanced up to look at Sunggyu’s reaction, but the older man didn’t say anything, didn’t even look at anything except for the disappearing foam on his mug. He looked… tired, defeated. Woohyun never looked at him closely after the break up – too painful – and he wondered if he had always been like this.

He wetted his lips. “I’m better.”

This time Sunggyu looked up, and just sort of looking at him and not talking for a minute.

“I’m – glad,” he said after he recovered from his wonder. “I’m really glad, if you feel better.”

“Thanks,” Woohyun said.

“How is Myungsoo?”

“He’s better too,” Woohyun answered, thinking of all the food the visual had finished earlier. His temperature was already normal as well. And he was better in another sense too – Woohyun remembered how clear he had laughed last night.

“So, you’ve made up?”

“We have,” Woohyun said. _We have done even more. We thought we can help. We thought we can start something._

Sunggyu leaned back on his chair, his shoulders visibly relaxed.

“Thank you. You take care of him well,” Sunggyu offered him a weak smile.

 “So, actually I called you here to tell you something,” he said, tone back to neutral. “About us.”

“About… us?”

Woohyun immediately corrected himself. “I mean about me and Myungsoo. Well, but it’s about us as well, I think. About you and me.”

Sunggyu gathered his hands together and put it on the table.

“Myungsoo and I decided to be friendly. Friendlier,” the cup didn’t even feel cold on his fingertips now.

Sunggyu looked up slowly, and his expression was a mix of heartbreak and happiness and Woohyun thought of how little he understood his ex lover, if at all.

“So, you two are dating now?”

His voice was void of judgment whatsoever.

“Not dating,” Woohyun said. “Just… trying to understand thing. If you know what I mean.”

Sunggyu nodded.

“Well,” he said. “I hope you two can be happy.”

“This is difficult time to be happy.”

Sunggyu didn’t counter what he said.

When Woohyun left the café, he didn’t understand why his feeling was as bleak as the coffee he had.

 


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hoya is lost and Sungjong finds him

 

 

 

 

To say he was angry was an understatement. Never before in his life he felt hot all over his body like this. The worst thing, he wasn't quite sure to whom he felt angry.

To Myungsoo, who had shagged Woohyun and caused the mess yesterday? To Sunggyu and Sungyeol, who had caused Woohyun and Myungsoo to be like that? To Woohyun, for letting himself gets hurt all over again?  

No, he shook his head.

It was himself he was angry to. For just standing there, watching his team fall apart. How did they end up in such a mess at the first place?

He shook his head again.

No, that wasn't the reason. It was because he felt the need to embrace the rest of them, to make them all better again. And he felt bad, because he wanted to do that... while he already had Dongwoo and Sungjong.

_You already have both, how many more_ _do you want?_

Just Woohyun, his mind involuntarily supplied.

Damn.

Hoya felt like banging his head to the nearest surface, or punching something hard and big. Did Sungjong still have that giant teddy bear?

"...Baby?” he heard Dongwoo called him, and he turned his head to the older man.

“Hyung?"

“What are you thinking? You don’t even hear me calling,” Dongwoo teased.

“Nothing,” Hoya answered immediately. Nothing is such a convenient word, he thought. “My mind was just going blank. What’s up, Hyung?”

"I wonder where Jjongie is,” the lead rapper said. “Do you know where he is?”

Both of them were sprawled on the floor on the living room of Hoya’s apartment – filling out their enlistment papers. Hoya hadn’t even filled a quarter of it, his mind was too full with thought about what happened.

"He said he's at Woollim, submitting his enlistment paper," Hoya answered. Sungjong always got everything done first. “That was three hours ago, though. Maybe he is practicing?”

“Maybe. But he doesn’t answer my call and it’s almost dinner time.”

Hoya chuckled. “Don’t worry too much, Hyung. Jjong is a big guy, he can take care of himself.”

Dongwoo laughed. “I know that! It’s just we promised to have dinner together this morning. I wonder if he forgets about it.”

"If he promised, then he’ll show up. Sungjong keeps his promise." Hoya frowned. “Well, he should be here any moment. Don’t worry. But do we actually have dinner?”

“Of course not yet, we’ll need to order first,” Dongwoo laughed.

“What? We’ll have take-out? I thought you’re cooking!”

“Sungjong is out all day, and do you really want me to cook?”

Hoya paused, remembering how his older boyfriend once poured a bowl of chopped potatoes on frying. “No,” he said. “No.”

Dongwoo laughed, crispy and happy. Before he could say anything, they heard the front door opening.

Dongwoo leaped from the floor and bounced excitedly to the entrance. “Jjongie!” he exclaimed. “Jjongie, we missed you!”

Hoya could hear Dongwoo throwing his body on Sungjong and he winced for the maknae. Soon both of them appeared before him, Dongwoo predictably clung on Sungjong’s back.

“Where have you been?” Hoya asked. “Dongwoo Hyung was worried about you.”

"Sorry,” Sungjong said, detaching himself from Dongwoo before sitting on the couch. “I met Woohyun Hyung and we ended up talking, I forgot the time.”

Hoya stiffened, but he forced himself to relax. He wanted to keep silent, but his mouth betrayed him. “How’s he?”

He thought he saw a flash of emotion on both Sungjong and Dongwoo and he pretended it was just a trick of light.

“He looks terrible,” Sungjong said after contemplating a little. The maknae was looking straight at Hoya’s eyes, as if he was trying to gauge something. “Well, I hope he can get even better after talking to me. He has a lot on his mind and he likes to take all the burdens himself, but I hope he realizes now that there are other people he can rely on as well.”

Hoya itched to talk about it more. He wanted to hear what Sungjong talked about with Woohyun. He wanted to get a report on how Woohyun was. Did he cry when he talk to Sungjong? Did he still self-depreciate himself like he did that night on the kitchen?

But he couldn’t bring himself to ask about it. He should control himself. Dongwoo and Sungjong were right in front of him. So, all he could say was, “What should we order for dinner?”

Dinner was fine, dinner was good, but it wasn’t enough to keep Hoya’s mind from Woohyun. After the dinner was cleared, he continued filling in the paper on the floor. Sungjong and Dongwoo were making out on the couch, but for some reason Hoya was fine not joining. They were so happy, the three of them. He remembered Woohyun and bit his lips.

Woohyun should be as happy as them.

The anger and confusion set again, and Hoya felt agitated. He gave up what he was doing and stood up.

“Where are you going, Hyung?” Sungjong asked between Dongwoo’s kiss attacks. Hoya smiled at the adorable sight on the couch and leaned down to sneak quick kisses to both of his boyfriends.

“I’m going to the gym. You two have fun, alright?”

“Aww, you’re not going to join us?” Dongwoo pouted. Hoya chuckled.

“Later, Hyung, after I burned all of the pizza,” Hoya patted his stomach.

“You know, I heard sex is effective to burn calories,” Dongwoo batted his eyelashes to Hoya. Hoya couldn’t help but laugh.

“Hyung, you’re a devil that try to distract me from my work-out habits!”

“But I’m serious – aaah,” Dongwoo suddenly moaned when Sungjong sucked a particular spot on his neck. Hoya’s skin prickled. Okay, he really needed to get out of here before things escalated further and he would not be able to resist. Sungjong was too clever for both him and Dongwoo.

“You two are evil,” he told them. “I’m going to the gym.”

-

 

 

 

Now, inside his car, away from both of his lovers, Hoya felt even more confused than before. He felt lost, and the anger that was put to sleep before when he was around Sungjong and Dongwoo started to wake up.

He thought that going to the gym would help, because he got to punch something. Now, he was in front of the gym, but the idea didn’t seem as appealing as before.

What if he visit Woohyun? Hoya shook his head. He couldn’t do that. Woohyun didn’t ask him to, and it wasn’t like he has any say about what happened between the main vocalist and the visual. It wasn’t like he was Sungjong – who was involved with Myungsoo before.

He banged his head on the steer wheel, accidentally pressing the bell and surprised himself.

This wouldn’t do.

In the end, he didn’t know what made him do so, but he drove his car to Sunggyu’s apartment.

-

 

 

 

In front of Sunggyu’s door, he pressed the bell. He tried to remember why he was here, but he couldn’t think about anything except Woohyun, crying and hurting. It made him pressed the bell several times more and knocked at the door rather harshly.

Sungyeol opened the door instead of Sunggyu. For a moment Howon was confused, and then he remembered that Sungyeol and Sunggyu lived together. Somehow he got even angrier he felt like he could punch the taller man right then right there.

But he swallowed the irrational emotion and asked for Sunggyu instead.

"Hyung is still sleeping. Do you want to wait?” Sungyeol replied, opening the door wider and stepping back to let him in.

"I want to talk to him," Hoya said.

Sungyeol blinked. “Then wait until he wakes up," he gestured inside nonchalantly. “What do you want to drink?”

All of his action irked Hoya. He gritted his teeth. "Sungyeol, I don't have much patient right now. Just wake him up, I want to talk to leader."

Sungyeol looked at him like he was sprouting a second head. Hoya shoved him aside and let himself inside, heading to Sunggyu’s bedroom.

"Leader! Wake up!" he shouted on the hallway. Before he could reach his destination he felt Sungyeol grabbed his hand, but he easily shoved him away.

“What are you doing? Are you crazy?” Sungyeol demanded but Hoya ignored him as he entered Sunggyu’s bedroom. The leader had just awoken, he looked tired and groggy.

"Hoya?” He asked – voice unsure. “What are you doing here?”

"I just want to tell you to stop, Hyung," he said.

Sunggyu looked up in confusion. "Stop what?"

"Whatever you're doing!" Hoya finally raised his voice. "You're hurting everybody and I'm sick of seeing you pretending like nothing is fine while Woohyun suffer!"

Sunggyu looked like Hoya just slapped him.

"Howon that's -"

"That's enough," Sungyeol interrupted from behind, trying to pull him out of the room. "What do you think you are doing? Are you drunk?"

Hoya ignored him and stayed on his place.

“I don’t know how you can do this with such a straight face. How could you do that to Woohyun? Have you never looked at him even once during all this time? You said you love all six of us? Is this your love? You don’t even –“

A hard slap landed on his cheek and Hoya was stunned in surprise. He didn’t expect that.

Sunggyu was still on the bed, mouth gaping in bewilderment. Sungyeol was standing next to him, arm still raised.

Hoya looked at his face – expression angry and disbelieving – and he started seeing red.

It was all back to Sungyeol eventually, right? Sunggyu abandoned Woohyun because of Sungyeol, and Myungsoo hurt Sungjong because of Sungyeol?

He put all of his strength on his fist and when it collided with Sungyeol’s pretty face, he was satisfied with the sound it made.

Sungyeol immediately crouched down, clutching his nose and doubled over in pain. Hoya felt like throwing another punch, but Sunggyu jumped from his bed and caught his arm at the right moment.

"STOP THIS, STOP!" Sunggyu bellowed. “HOWON! COME TO YOUR SENSE!”

Hoya struggled hard against his leader, but Sunggyu was strong, despite his misleading fluffy appearance. He locked his arm and threw him out of the bedroom.

“Calm yourself, Howon! You’re not thinking straight right now,” he said from the bedroom door, shielding the room.

Hoya was shaking, his cheek burning, but it didn’t stop him from giving Sunggyu a hostile glare. “Then you can tell me why you act like this, Hyung. If you don’t think I’m thinking straight, enlighten me!”

“I’m not talking to you when you’re like this,” Sunggyu said. “I’m calling Dongwoo. You wait here. Don’t drive when you’re like this.”

He proceeded to slam the door on Hoya’s face. Only then Hoya felt like he lost his energy. He dragged himself on the couch, leaning there in exhaustion. It felt like his outburst of emotion drained all of his strength.

He put his hand on his cheek, feeling it burning and sat there, waiting.

-

 

 

 

Hoya sat on the couch, looking straight ahead. His hand trembled and he folded it on his chest. He didn't want to see it right now. He didn't even want to think about what happened, what he just did. Fortunately Sunggyu had closed the bedroom door, so he didn't have to see Sungyeol or what had happened to his nose.

His anger dissipated a little after hitting Sungyeol, but he didn't feel any better than before. In fact, the event added the guilty feeling that made him angry at the first place.

He gritted his teeth as he tried to process everything. Woohyun, walking like zombie for the whole two years. Myungsoo, bitter and angry like a wounded animal. Sunggyu and Sungyeol pretending like nothing happened. Dongwoo, Sungjong and him, three happy people in their own bubble. Why? Why did everything had to be so complicated? Why were they scattered all over the place and couldn't just be happy together?

There was something bigger in their intertangled relationship that Hoya couldn't yet understand, and it frustated him not knowing about that.

The bell sound jerked him awake from his thought and he immediately rushed to the door. He didn't even bother to check the intercom, he knew who they were, and right now he craved their touch more than anything.

He opened the door and immediately came face to face with his two lovers. Dongwoo frowned, clearly disappointed and disapproving with Hoya's action. It didn't really help with Hoya's guilt, that was reaching its treshold, and he felt like crying.

Sungjong's face was void of any judgement except a pair of eyebrows that were lifted too high and were translates as "What the fuck did you do?"

Now after the high tide of his emotion was over, Hoya didn't know what the fuck he did.

"Oh, Howon-ah," Dongwoo reacted first, concerned with his red cheek and reached for it. His touch was cool on Hoya's skin and he leaned for more.

"Let's get in first," Sungjong said, more commanding than suggesting, before pushing Dongwoo's back into Sunggyu's entrance.

"So, what the hell happened, Hyung?" the maknae continued as they safely arrived at the kitchen. "Sunggyu Hyung suddenly called and told us to pick you up because you were fighting with Sungyeol Hyung."

Hoya tried to answer, but his tongue felt tied. "I... I don't even know where to start."

Dongwoo sat him down on the dining chair. "You said you were going to the gym?"

Hoya shook his head. "I went straight here. I wanted to meet Sunggyu Hyung, I wanted some explanation about this situation. He was sleeping though, and Sungyeol said to wait. But I didn't want to so I shoved him aside and we fought."

"Really, Hyung," Sungjong said.

"Where does Sunggyu Hyung save his medicine box?" Dongwoo asked.

"In his room, probably. I don’t know.”

" I'll get you some," he said as he left the dining room. "Meanwhile Sungjong, you can treat the bruise with ice cubes."

Sungjong nodded and followed Dongwoo's instruction. Of course, somehow neither Sunggyu nor Sungyeol bothered to make ice cubes, so Sungjong pressed a cold can of beer to his cheek instead.

"You're not going to scold me more?" he asked his younger lover.

"No," Sungjong whispered on his ear, before kissing his other cheek, the one that wasn't hurt. "You've been hurt by your own action, I think. It's enough."

Hoya hummed, enjoying Sungjong's butterfly kisses on his face. "Also, it's partly my fault for not telling you all part of the story."

Hoya abruptly turned his head. "There's another part of the story?"

"Actually, there was a resolution already. Well, at least close to resolution."

"Which is?"

"Woohyun and Myungsoo are somewhat together now," Sungjong informed him.

"What do you mean somewhat together?" Hoya frowned. "They're either together or they are not. What is somewhat together?"

Sungjong sighed. "Don’t be offended Hyung, and I love you, but I think you keep seeing love in black and white. Relationship is complicated, you know. Sometimes you don't really love the other person, but you still want to get close to him. Sometimes you love him but you don't really mind him going with other person. You get it?"

"No, I don't get it," Hoya shook his head. Really, he didn't understand why love have to be complicated. "If you don't love him, don't get into a relationship. If you love him then you ask him if he wants to date you, or even marry you. If he accepts you, good for you. If he rejects you, move on."

Sungjong's peppery kiss suddenly changed into vicious bite and Hoya yelped.

"What the -!"

"Sorry, Hyung," Sungjong said cheerfully. He didn't even bother to pretend to be genuine, the devil. "But among the seven of us, you're the one who gets everything so easily at love."

Hoya started to protest but Sungjong cut him.

"You started with Dongwoo Hyung and he accepted you without drama. When you fought and broke up you 'move on' to me, who also accepted you without much drama. When you and Dongwoo Hyung got back together while we were still 'somewhat together', both of Dongwoo Hyung and me accepted your idea without much drama. Really, Hyung. You're very lucky at love. Though maybe I can give you some credit, you definitely has good taste at choosing partner, because Dongwoo Hyung and I are the sanest persons in Infinite."

"Are you sure about Dongwoo Hyung?" Hoya asked dryly. Sungjong laughed.

"Don't interrupt me! You know what I mean!"

But then Sungjong continued, softer, gentler. "So, you never really got rejected before. Your heart's still intact, Hyung."

He touched Hoya's chest, gently resting his palm there. "But not everyone got as lucky as you. Sometimes they have rotten luck for love. Sometimes they love six other persons at the same time. Sometimes the one they love loves six other persons. Sometimes the one they love is too hurt, or too scared to love them back."

"When that happens, it's really painful. Those sad movies, those sad songs we sing? They're nothing more than a fracture of the pain. The real thing is unbearable, Hyung. It feels like a sword stabs right through your heart, it feels like you're dying, like you're a minute away from death.

"And human are weak creature, Hyung. But we are survivor. When our heart has been broken, we cling to any way to keep it intact. Move on, you say. But surviving is not easy. Sometimes it cost a lot to survive. Sometimes you just don't want to. It takes a lot of courage to do it, it takes a lot of time."

Hoya stayed still, Sungjong's words rendered him speechless. Was it true, that Hoya had it easy?

"Yes," Sungjong said, before kissing him, this time tenderly right on the mouth. "Dongwoo Hyung had his time with Ailee Noona, and I with Myungsoo Hyung. So, don't take this for granted, Hyung. You wouldn't, would you?"

Hoya shook his head. "No," he said. "I wouldn't."

"Good," Sungjong murmured. "So, next time, before you go defending someone’s love by punching someone else, you think about it first, okay?”

“I still think Sungyeol deserves the punch,” Hoya said stubbornly.

“He did,” Sungjong agreed. “For what he did to Myungsoo. Then again, Myungsoo probably also deserves a punch, for what he did to me.”

They fell into silence, realizing the weight of the statement. Sungjong, however, quickly added. “But don’t do it for me. I can do that myself. Not now, of course, but maybe much, much later, when Myungsoo Hyung looks like he is alive again and I’ve lost enough of my affection for him.”

Hoya had no answer for that, so he just asked, “So… Woohyun and Myungsoo are together now?”

“Yes and no. They’re helping each other to move on.”

“Is that a good thing?”

“I hope so,” Sungjong said. “You know, if you’re that concerned about Woohyun Hyung, you can do something. Something that is not punching Sungyeol Hyung.”

“I’m not concerned about him.”

“It’d be more convincing if you didn’t just pick a fight with Sunggyu Hyung and Sungyeol Hyung for mistreating him.”

“Really, I’m not concerned,” he said stubbornly. “It’s not like Woohyun is my best friend or something.”

“But it’s okay to be concerned,” Sungjong said, looking at him with sincerity. “Hyung, if you’re concerned with him, you can call him, visit him, whatever. Talk to him if you want, hug him if you think he needs it.”

Hoya shook his head. “I can’t do that.”

“Why not?”

_Because it will be the same like I’m feeding the monster in my heart. I’ll be greedy, and I’ll want him, and it will be unfair for you and Dongwoo._

Hoya didn’t answer. Sungjong cupped his cheek and guided him to look at his eyes.

“Is there anything you want to tell us, Hyung?”

Hoya couldn’t answer.

“Do you like Woohyun Hyung?”

Hoya shook his head.

Sungjong didn’t let go of his face and continued to look at him.

Hoya nodded.

And then he broke down.

“I mean – oh, God,” he felt overwhelmed. Everything was too confusing, everything was too big. He thought everything was simple, was fine, and then suddenly they weren’t, suddenly the world was collapsing, and he just didn’t know what to think. “I didn’t meant to, Jjong-ah. I love you, I really do. I love Dongwoo Hyung. I would never – I mean it – I would never betray you!”

Sungjong smiled. “We know that, Hyung. Of course we know that. But, really, are you stupid or something?”

“What?” Hoya asked, not understanding.

“I mean, you’re in a polyamory relationship. You know that it’s possible to love two people at the same time. So, why are you in denial if you like Woohyun Hyung?”

Hoya sniffed, “But two and three are different.”

“Different, sure,” Sungjong said. “But not necessarily worse, right?”

“But it won’t be fair to you,” Hoya insisted. “I mean, in our case, the three of us love each other, right? But in this case, I’m the only one who likes Woohyun.”

“But we’re fine with that, Dongwoo Hyung and I,” Sungjong said. “We don’t mind if you and Woohyun Hyung starts a separate relationship that doesn’t involve us.”

Howon still didn’t think it was fair, but knowing that Sungjong and Dongwoo gave him their blessing and didn’t have a problem with his feeling made him better. He didn’t feel as lost as before.

“But you said Woohyun and Myungsoo are together now.”

“Not together,” Sungjong answered. “Somewhat together.”

“That’s the same kind,” Hoya said. “Almost.”

“Maybe,” Sungjong said. “Maybe Woohyun Hyung and Myungsoo Hyung wanted to be exclusive. But if you ask me, I think Woohyun Hyung needs all the love he can get, and the least you can do is show him yours. If he accepts you, good. If he doesn’t accept you, we’re here to kiss you better,” Sungjong concluded.

Hoya fell into a silence. Now he wanted to cry again, for a very different reason. He felt blessed, really, having both Dongwoo and Sungjong on his side.

“What did I do to deserve you, Jjong-ah?” he cupped Sungjong’s face and kissed him, gratefully, sincerely.

 

 

 

 

 


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sad people everywhere~ but Dongwoo to the rescue!

 

 

 

Sungyeol was sitting on the bed and Sunggyu next to him, helping the younger stuff his nose with some tissues.

“Is it bad?” Dongwoo asked from the door, bringing the couple’s attention to himself.

“It’s not broken at least,” Sunggyu said, voice a little cooler than usual. “The last thing I want is to explain to public how Sungyeol got his nose broken.”

“That’d suck,” Dongwoo took several steps inside and when he found no objection from either of the couple, he continued until he reached the bed. Sungyeol tensed when he put his hand on his back, but soon relaxed.

“I’m sorry, Yeol,” he said.

“Not your fault,” Sungyeol replied, voice funny from his stuffed nose. Normally this kind of thing made Dongwoo laugh like there’s no tomorrow but today it was not funny.

“How did it happen?” he asked and felt Sungyeol tensing again. Sunggyu looked tired (well, he never looked not tired) and Dongwoo felt regretful for not taking care of his leader – who was always taking care of everyone – better.

“Hoya was yelling, Sungyeol tried to stop him. Then it happened,” Sunggyu said at the same time Sungyeol said, “I slapped him.”

Dongwoo raised his eyebrows, because as much as he thought that Hoya was wrong for hitting Sungyeol, Hoya was still his boyfriend, and he didn’t like anybody slapping his boyfriend.

“He deserved it,” Sungyeol met his eyes boldly. “Hyung was sleeping and he barged inside, rousing him and yelling at him about how he –“

Sungyeol abruptly stopped, but everybody in the room knew what he was going to say, including Dongwoo. He was Hoya’s boyfriend, and he had seen the anger and the cause behind it. He just wished he could see what Hoya would likely to do as well.

Usually he could do that, but today, even for Hoya, punching a band mate on the nose was an unpredictable behavior.

_If only Woohyun knew what he could make Hoya do._

Dongwoo crouched on the floor to look at Sungyeol’s face better. His lips were pursed tightly in a familiar stubbornness and his eyes shone defiantly – an expression he used to give to them all when he was younger and he felt accused after screwing up with pranks. Behind those frowns, however, Dongwoo could tell that he was enduring the pain. Hoya didn’t break his nose, but probably he nearly did.

“I think you should take him to the hospital, just in case,” Dongwoo said.

“Tell him that,” Sunggyu said, gesturing at Sungyeol. “He refuses to go.”

“I’m fine. Hoya’s not strong enough to do any real damage,” Sungyeol pouted and Dongwoo ruffled his hair. For some reason he felt guilty toward these two, and it had less to do with Hoya punching Sungyeol.

“Send the bill to us. I’ll take Hoya home. You get better soon, okay?” he squeezed the taller man’s shoulder.

Dongwoo got the cooling ointment for Hoya’s red cheek and closed the door behind him, but it soon opened again. Sunggyu followed him to the hallway.

“Can we talk later, Dongwoo-yah?” he said before reaching the dining room where the other were. Dongwoo stopped, not expecting the request.

“Of course,” he said. “I can tell Hoya and Jjong to go home first.”

“No,” Sunggyu said, vaguely gesturing toward his bedroom. “Not here.”

Whatever he wanted to talk to Dongwoo, he didn’t want Sungyeol to hear about it. Dongwoo wondered why.

They found Sungjong and Hoya conversing quietly on the dining table. Judging from how Hoya blushed in shame when he saw Sunggyu, Sungjong must have had talked some sense into him.

“I’m sorry, Hyung,” he mumbled.

“You want to talk to me about something, right? I can make time for you if you want, there’s no need to barge my apartment for it,” Sunggyu said.

“It’s alright now,” Hoya said, his cheeks were still tinted with pink. “I think I got it.”

“You do?” Sunggyu said. “That’s great.”

“If this is settled then, should we go home? It’s late,” Sungjong asked, his eyes meeting Dongwoo’s. Dongwoo nodded and Hoya scrambled to stand.

Now that Dongwoo was in the kitchen, he noticed the scattered ingredients on the counter. They had interrupted Sunggyu and Sungyeol’s dinner, it seemed. Feeling guilty, he turned to Sunggyu. “Do you want me to order you some dinner?”

“It’s fine. I’m taking Sungyeol to the hospital anyway. We’ll get dinner on the way. Don’t worry about it, but meet me tomorrow?”

“Is 4 PM fine with you, Hyung?” Dongwoo asked. Sunggyu agreed and escorted them to the door.

-

 

 

 

Their ride back home was silent. Dongwoo drove, Sungjong on the passenger seat and Howon was behind, like a child receiving a scolding. Dongwoo glanced at him several times from the rearview mirror, but Hoya was determined to avoid his gaze and Dongwoo was dying to know what he and Sungjong had talked about.

“Why does Sunggyu Hyung want to talk to you, Hyung?” Sungjong is surprisingly the one who break the silence.

“I don’t know,” Dongwoo shrugged, then for the lack of anything else, added. “Maybe he has something to share about certain someone’s behavior.”

“No,” Hoya said, for the first time since he entered the car. Then, upon meeting Dongwoo’s eyes through the mirror (finally!) he quickly added. “I mean, if he has a problem with my behavior, he’ll talk to me. It’s not like you’re my parent or something.”

He gets a point there, but it didn’t help them guess what Sunggyu wants, although he has a nagging suspicion in his mind.

Once they arrived at the house, they tucked Hoya into the bed and stay with him. Sungjong told him about the conversation, and they try to make an honest confession from Hoya about his feeling for Woohyun (“Don’t call it feeling, it makes it feel real,” Hoya complained), but it was still too soon for Hoya, so they let him sleep early. They cuddled him, and usually Hoya was not much a cuddler, and neither was Sungjong, but tonight both of them were even clingier than Dongwoo. Soon, amidst the soft bed sheet and warm duvet, Hoya fell asleep, followed by Sungjong.

Dongwoo couldn’t. He untangled himself from their feet under the blanket, then paused and thought twice about leaving this warm cocoon, then finally only left half an hour later when he needed to go to the toilet.

A message surprised him.

_“Hyung, do you have some time to meet me tomorrow afternoon? I want to talk about something..”_

The sender of the message was none other than Lee Sungyeol. He was still not over the surprise, when Sungyeol texted once again.

_Don’t tell Sunggyu Hyung._

This one, while interesting, was not totally unexpected. In his sub-consciousness somewhere, Dongwoo has anticipated this. Dongwoo was a pretty optimistic person, but even meeting Sungyeol in the afternoon and Sunggyu in the evening, separately, without each other’s knowledge, could make him antsy.

He fall asleep on the sofa and woke up when a delicious smell of waffle reached his nose. He opened his eyes to the sight of his two boyfriends sitting on the floor in front of him, watching morning news and eating ramyeon.

“Gimme,” he said, slightly offended that they ate such delicious breakfast without waking him up.

“Hyung, wash your face first,” Sungjong raises his eyebrows seeing him wriggling under the blanket. They must have draped it over him this morning.

“Ramyeon for breakfast, really?” Dongwoo asked, though it didn’t stop him from slurping a mouthful of ramyeon from the chopsticks Hoya offered.

“Breakfast? This is lunch,” Hoya said, pointing to the clock. “It’s almost 1 PM.”

Dongwoo almost fell from the sofa when he realized that he had less than half an hour to meet Sungyeol.

“Hyung, why are you rushing?” he heard Hoya called as he made his way to the bathroom. No time for shower, so probably just wash face and brush teeth. On the other hand… he was pretty smelly. Oh well, he’d be late anyway.

“Aren’t you meeting Sunggyu Hyung at four?” Sungjong asked when he entered their bedroom, looking for phone charger and found Dongwoo rummaging through his wardrobe instead.

“Yeah,” Dongwoo answered, then wondering if he should tell Sungjong or not. And then, because Sungyeol only specified not to tell Sunggyu, he gave in. “I’m meeting Sungyeol.”

“Holy shit, for real?” this was Hoya, who, for some reason, chose that time to enter the room.

“So you’re meeting Sungyeol now, and Sunggyu later? Separately? Why?”

Dongwoo shrugged, putting on a jacket and trousers, then went out of the room to get his car key. His two boyfriends followed him like cute ducklings. “You’re going to tell us about it, right?” Hoya asked. Dongwoo took a moment to think. If what the two of them would tell him was pretty sensitive, he didn’t want to tattle, even to his boyfriends.

“But it’s obvious, isn’t it?” Dongwoo said, trying to dodge the question and pacify them at the same time. “Sungyeol will ask me to take care of Sunggyu Hyung, and vice versa.”

Hoya and Sungjong looked at each other. Dongwoo hoped they buy what he said, while he made his way out.

“Hyung, wait!”

“What?”

“Really, you don’t want to go out with that zebra pants, Hyung.”

-

 

 

 

The coffee shop Sungyeol chose was not one that Dongwoo was familiar with, but it was close to Sunggyu’s place. When he arrived, Sungyeol was playing game on his phone. Dongwoo looked at the almost empty cup of Americano in front of the tall man and felt slightly guilty for coming late. Sungyeol followed his gaze and waved his hand.

“Don’t look at this, Hyung. I pretty much inhale this coffee in 5 minutes. I’ve just arrived myself.”

“You bought me one too,” Dongwoo said. A café latte, which is much better than Americano, was at the table. He took his seat and reached for it.

“Well, I’m asking you for a favor. It’s only right I bought you something in return,” Sungyeol said.

Dongwoo studied the younger’s face carefully. His nose looked fine, the bruise wasn’t even visible. He probably used make up for that. He avoided Dongwoo’s eyes, a default action when he felt particularly vulnerable, though Dongwoo didn’t understand why the younger should feel that way with him.

“Is there something wrong?”

Sungyeol put his phone away before taking his cup and fiddled with it, still not looking at Dongwoo. “It’s Sunggyu Hyung.”

“Is there something wrong with Sunggyu Hyung?”

“You told me that you know about what Sunggyu Hyung wants,” Sungyeol shifted uncomfortably in his place. “Then you must have known that he is having a hard time these days. Everybody lately, they are hurting and it hurts Sunggyu Hyung too.”

“If it’s what you are worried about, I think it’s getting better, Yeol-ah. Do you know that Woohyun and Myungsoo decide to be together now?” Dongwoo asked carefully. This earned him a surprised look from Sungyeol.

“Oh,” he said. “They do? Well. It’s… good for them.”

He reached for his cup and slurped his Americano. Dongwoo waited for him to say something more, but when it didn’t seem likely, he had to be the one to break the silence.

“So, I guess you don’t have to worry anymore. Things are getting better, Yeol. And I don’t worry about Sunggyu Hyung, because he has you and you have taken care of him really well all this time,” he cheered the younger up, but it seemed to make him sad instead.

“I don’t know.”

“What do you mean?”

“Sometimes, I just think that I’m not the right man to do this, you know? Sunggyu Hyung needs someone with big heart, someone who knows how to dance to his singing.”

“I don’t think you have small heart, Yeol,” Dongwoo gave him a look. Sungyeol shook his head.

“I tried, but I don’t think I succeed. When Hyung was hurting yesterday, I can’t do anything. I can’t even comfort him. But I don’t want to see him like that ever again,” he stopped for a moment. “And that’s what I want to ask you, Hyung. If there’s someone who can help Sunggyu Hyung, it’s you. Can’t you…” Sungyeol swallowed. “Can’t you… take care of him a little?”

The implication of the question shocked Dongwoo. He knew that Sungyeol wanted him to help Sunggyu, but he didn’t expect Sungyeol to want him to help that way.

“Sungyeol-ah,” Dongwoo said. “Sungyeol-ah, look at me. What are you trying to say?”

Sungyeol refused to meet his eye. “You know what I mean, Hyung.”

“You want me to date Sunggyu Hyung?”

Sungyeol nodded and Dongwoo tried not to sigh. “You know I have my boyfriends….”

“That’s exactly why, you understand,” Sungyeol argued.

“I don’t,” Dongwoo said, honest. “Poly is not about taking other people in to lessen the pain, Yeol. It’s about mutual like between the parties involved. You are asking me to enter your relationship with Sunggyu Hyung, but does Sunggyu Hyung even know about this?”

“But I know he wants you,” Sungyeol said. “And I think you can love him too. You’re a person with the biggest heart I ever know, Hyung.”

“And do you want me too, Sungyeol?”

“If I do, would you agree?”

“Sungyeol-ah,” he said softly. “You don’t have to force yourself to like me just for the sake of Sunggyu.”

“I don’t force myself,” Sungyeol stubbornly said. “I like you too, Hyung. And Sunggyu Hyung likes you too. You’ll make him better, Hyung.”  

“He doesn’t need me to make him better, Yeol. He has you. It’s enough.”

“It’s not enough.”

Dongwoo was concerned. Sungyeol could be the poster child of insecurity, but who could he direct this helpless child to? Myungsoo was the one on top of his mind. The man used to worship the ground Sungyeol walked on. The two of them were cute back then. What was happening to them now?

But Myungsoo was earning his happy ending now. Dongwoo would never take that from him, not even for Sungyeol.

Then who? Sungjong was out of the question, there was bad blood (on Jong’s part) with Myungsoo. Hoya punched Yeol’s nose yesterday. Not Woohyun.

 _Poor child,_ Dongwoo thought. _Your insecurity made you drove people away and you didn’t even realize it. And now you have no one._

Dongwoo reached out to take his hand and squeezed it. “I can’t promise you that,” Dongwoo said. “But I can promise you to talk to Sunggyu Hyung.”

Sungyeol looked unsure, but he nodded, understanding that this was all he could get for now. He thanked Dongwoo and they left the place together. Dongwoo was surprised Sungyeol brought his car, considering this coffee shop was within walking distance to Sunggyu’s apartment.

“Oh, I’m staying over at my parents tonight,” Sungyeol said when he asked about it. “Do you bring your car, Hyung? If you don’t I can get you a lift.”

“I bring my own car,” Dongwoo said. “Oh, and Yeol?”

“Yeah – umpf!”

Dongwoo hugged the younger man, tight and fierce. Sungyeol yelped in surprised at first, but he was still and calm in his embrace and even hugged back. Dongwoo ran his hand through the taller’s hair, wishing he could convey to this stubborn man that he was always enough.

-

 

 

 

Sunggyu’s call arrived the moment Dongwoo entered his car. _What a convenient timing_ , Dongwoo thought as he waved to Sungyeol over his rolled-down window. He accepted the call once Sungyeol drove away with his car.

“Hi, Hyung,” he greeted first.

“Dongwoo-yah, where are you?”

“I’m just getting ready to go,” Dongwoo said, not completely lying. “So, where should we meet?”

“Why don’t you just come here?” Sunggyu offered. “Sungyeol is staying at his parents tonight.”

Ah, Sungyeol mentioned it before. Again, what a convenience. Wondering if this was a sign of luck or a bad omen, Dongwoo just said yes and drove around the block twice so he won’t arrived at Sunggyu’s place too fast.

If Sungyeol had coffee, Sunggyu predictably had alcohol. Dongwoo sighed, somewhat saddened. These two were the members with the worst drinking habit and he didn’t think they could help each other in this area. He wondered if he were to have this talk with Sungjong, would he prepare juice instead.

“Sit down,” Sunggyu pointed at the space in front of him, over soju bottles and snacks. “Dried squid?”

“Thanks,” Dongwoo said, accepting a strip of the snack. He would never refuse free food, although he had just got a free cup of latte. He munched on it, eyeing Sunggyu who was already pouring his soju into a glass. He looked better than yesterday, but Dongwoo always thought he could see wetness in his leader’s eyes whenever he met with them.

“Have you submitted the form?”

“Yes. This morning,” Dongwoo said. “It will determine the place we serve later, right?”

“So I heard, but don’t worry too much. Since we all live in Mapo, I don’t think we’ll get separated too far.”

“So it doesn’t depend on our birthplace? You’re not going to Jeonju, right?” Dongwoo asked, because yesterday he and his boyfriends were talking about the possibility of Hoya being sent back to Busan.

“Eh, why would I?” Sunggyu gave him a look. “We’re registered as Seoul citizen, they have to place us here.”

Dongwoo absentmindedly agreed, because Sunggyu’s reasoning was legit. He waited for his Hyung to start another conversation, the real one, Dongwoo hoped. Sunggyu, for some reason, wasn’t able to go straight to the point like he usually was.

Maybe he should help him?

“Why don’t you want Yeollie to be here, Hyung?”

Sunggyu stopped chewing at his squid and turned his eyes from the TV to look at him.

“Because I want to talk about him,” Sunggyu said, and again Dongwoo felt that he hid a lot of tears behind them. “I need someone to assure me of something.”

Sunggyu seeking assurance from them was rare occurrences for the members, but not to Dongwoo. There were time when Sunggyu was young and alone, when he was lost and angry, and Dongwoo was the first witness of all the side of Sunggyu that was not pretty, even before Woohyun.

That was so long ago, though. Almost seven years had passed. Sunggyu was a lot stronger, wiser and kinder.

Tonight, he just sounded small.

Instinctively, Dongwoo scooted closer. He let their knees touched, one of his hands reached for the other’s slumped back. “You know you can tell me what is disturbing you, Hyung.”

Sunggyu took a heavy breathe, before slumping even lower. “It’s complicated, Dongwoo. I don’t know how I should tell you. I don’t even know _if_ I should tell you.”

Dongwoo knew what Sunggyu was about to tell, but he kept silent. Instead he leaned into the other man, the way he did years ago. Sunggyu did everything better when he had someone leaning on him – figuratively, of course, but a literal emphasize wouldn’t hurt.

Sunggyu used to be the baby of the family, but he was now a leader, first and foremost. Dongwoo could feel him relaxing under his weight, and only then he started to talk.

“How about you tell me the easiest thing first?” Dongwoo offered. “Like what do you want the most right now?”

He felt Sunggyu shifted, trying to look at Dongwoo’s face but failing because Dongwoo had his face planted on Sunggyu’s crook.

“You know,” Sunggyu said. “You know, right? You always know.”

Dongwoo shook his head. “I don’t.”

Sunggyu pushed him, but his touch was gentle and affectionate. “You know, you little shit.”

Dongwoo laughed. “No, I don’t know anything until you tell me, Hyung. How could I know?”

“I can’t tell you. It’s… not something someone could say easily,” the leader buried his face on his knees. “You might hate me after this.”

Dongwoo bit his lips, starting to get concerned. The blow from Woohyun’s reaction was deeper than it seemed. Approaching Sunggyu once again, he finally said, “you know I don’t hate you.”

“But you might, later,” Sunggyu argued. Dongwoo put his arms around the older man again to put him at ease.

“You know I know, right?” he whispered softly. “And I’m still here.”

Sunggyu raised his face to give a blank look. “So you know.”

“Yes, but I want you to tell me.”

“Why?” Sunggyu was whining and Dongwoo had to hide a chuckle because of course Sunggyu would whine. When did he don’t?

“To avoid misunderstanding, of course! It seems like I know, but who knows if what I know and what you think I know is actually different? We don’t want any more misunderstanding in the team, do we?”

“Are you sure you’re not just trying to squeeze a confession out of me right now?”

“Why would I?” Dongwoo was sincerely offended.

“Blackmail? Ego-booster?”

“I’m not Sungjong and I’m not Woohyun either, so don’t worry about it,” he patted Sunggyu’s back. “So, let’s hear the story from you?”

“I hate you so much,” Sunggyu grumbled, but he straightened his back and met Dongwoo’s eyes.

“Is that what you want to tell me? Then it’s regrettably a lot different than what I thought I knew,” Dongwoo teased.

“I mean,” Sunggyu took a deep breath, before looking at him. “I…”

The leader stopped to wet his lips, a gesture of nervousness he had never be able to get rid of since his trainee days. His gaze dropped downward and it actually pained Dongwoo to see him like this. Their team was filled with broken people and their leader was probably the most severe.

He reached for Sunggyu’s hand to encourage him and Sunggyu looked up once again.

“I…” he tried. “I love you.”

He kept his gaze on Dongwoo’s eyes, but Dongwoo knew he wasn’t really seeing him. He didn’t want to see his expression – if somehow Sunggyu read this wrong and the rapper thought it was a disgusting idea.

Dongwoo smiled warmly, squeezed Sunggyu’s hand once again because he knew he wasn’t finished. Sunggyu’s eyes started to focus and he stole a look at Dongwoo’s face. When he realized that he didn’t find any of his fear there, he started to open his mouth again.

“I love Woohyun. I love Myungsoo too. And Hoya. And Sungjong. And of course I love Sungyeol too.”

“We love you too, Hyung.”

“I love you all like I love Sungyeol,” Sunggyu corrected, he felt easier to speak after the worst had been admitted. “I love you all like I love Woohyun.”

Dongwoo crushed him in a hug. “Thank you,” he said. “That was not easy.”

Sunggyu didn’t hug bag, wasn’t moving. “Don’t you feel weirded out by it?”

 “Hyung, I have two boyfriends,” Dongwoo laughed. “How could I feel weirded out by it?”

“But I said I love you too.”

“Yes, and I said thank you,” Dongwoo loosened his hold. “It’s flattering, really, although I’m sorry, at this point I don’t think I can take a decision without consulting my two partners first.”

Sunggyu freed himself from Dongwoo, looking at him sulkily. “I knew this would happen. You forced me to confess only to reject me later.”

“But do you feel better?”

The question made Sunggyu raised his eyebrows in surprise. “I do,” he said in wonder. “Not by much, though.”

“It’s okay, it’s the first step,” Dongwoo encouraged him. “Do you want to tell me something more?”

“I don’t even know how to start,” Sunggyu dragged his ass away from Dongwoo to lean on the couch while his hand reached for his soju. “I hid a lot of thing from you. Do you know that this is the real reason why Woohyun and I break up?”

“I know,” Dongwoo confirmed.

“Ah, did Woohyun tell you about this?”

“He did, but I figured it out beforehand,” Dongwoo said. “You were actually quite obvious with your intention Hyung, before you broke up with Woohyun at least. After that you calmed down a little, which was quite an irony.”

“Am I that obvious?” Sunggyu looked at him in panic. “Other kids know about this?”

“No,” Dongwoo assured him. “At least not at that time. Now Jongie and Hoya knows, because I told them.”

“What about Myungsoo?”

“I think he’ll hear about it from Woohyun soon enough.”

“Such a mess,” Sunggyu sighed, gulping his soju.

“But it’s good to let all the mess out,” Dongwoo reached for his own bottle. “Now we can see them and sort them out.”

“How the fuck we can even sort this out?” Sunggyu muttered, but Dongwoo paid him no attention. In fact, according to Dongwoo, the sorting had already started. Sungjong was safe in his and Hoya’s hand now. Woohyun and Myungsoo were finding salvation in each other, although they were just starting. The biggest problem was actually Sunggyu and Sungyeol themselves. Sunggyu, who would get his heart broken five times in the future and Sungyeol, who….

Actually, Dongwoo didn’t even know what Sungyeol was doing right now. Why did he break up with Myungsoo and how come he suddenly date Sunggyu?

“What I don’t understand is how Sungyeol came to this equation,” he said, more to himself than to Sunggyu. However, his words triggered the leader, who frowned. “Hey, Sungyeol is a good kid!”

“I didn’t say he isn’t,” Dongwoo said apologetically. “I just wondered, why did he break up with Myungsoo, Hyung?”

Sunggyu hesitated for a while before answering, as if not sure if he should tell this or not. In the end, though, he told him. “He said Myungsoo was suffocating him.”

“But then he agreed to commit himself to a poly relationship with six other people, including Myungsoo himself?”

Sunggyu sighed, before leaning his head to the couch. It wasn’t a comfortable position, but Dongwoo wasn’t going to stop him.

“That’s what actually bothers me,” Sunggyu said. “At this point I probably have to give up my hope to date with other members. It will be hard, I know, but I have Sungyeol, and if I have him, I think I can manage to be fine. However, lately I just have this doubt about myself.”

“Do you doubt that you love Sungyeol?”

“No!” Sunggyu immediately said. “No. I love him very much. It’s the other way around, actually.”

“You doubt that Sungyeol loves you?” Dongwoo recalled his conversation with Sungyeol earlier in the day and had to disagree. “I think he really loves you, though. At least he cares.”

“Not exactly like that, I just don’t think he’s actually into poly, but for some reasons he pretends like he is. I’m afraid I read him wrong, and after what happened lately, with Woohyun and Myungsoo and Howon, I realized that maybe I could have overestimated my ability in taking care of Infinite members. It’s just… I don’t want Sungyeol to suffer like the others, Dongwoo.”

 “Wait, Hyung. Where did that thought of overestimation come from? What happened to Woohyun, Myungsoo, Howon and Sungjong too, they’re not your fault!”

“But they are,” Sunggyu slurred. “I mean if I didn’t break up with Woohyun, he won’t be bitter and angry? He would be happy, Dongwoo-yah, but I let him go to pursue my own dream and he suffered. If I didn’t date Sungyeol, Myungsoo probably could win him back. Then everything would be fine, wouldn’t they?”

Sober Sunggyu would never say that, because he knew that wasn’t true. If he didn’t break up with Woohyun, _he’d_ be the one who is bitter and angry. Unless they knew the real reason Sungyeol broke up with Myungsoo, they shouldn’t assume that Myungsoo could win Sungyeol back. However, Dongwoo knew that deep inside Sunggyu’s mind, these were the doubts that were plaguing his rational thoughts. If being pathetically drunk while blaming himself can help him to get rid of these doubts, Dongwoo would let him. He’d seen the worse self of Sunggyu, this was nothing to him.

They drank together. Sunggyu whined and blamed himself for a very long time, until Dongwoo deemed it was enough and he started to take Sunggyu’s bottles away. Sunggyu was even too drunk to resist. He passed out on the carpet, among empty soju bottles and dried squid.

Dongwoo himself was quite tipsy. He lay next to Sunggyu, whose eyes were a minute away from closing, and let their shoulders touched.

“Do you know what I find the saddest in your story, Hyung?” he asked softly (tipsily) to the intoxicated man beside him.

“My pathetic leadership ability?” Sunggyu slurred again, surprisingly aware of the question.

“That you think you should stop,” Dongwoo answered. “If you didn’t stop before, why stop now?”

“Too many people have been hurt….”

“I told you that’s not your fault. I’ve listed why, although you’ll forget it in the morning. It’s okay. You just have to remember that it’s not your fault, Hyung.”

“But what about Yeollie….”

 _What about Yeollie indeed,_ Dongwoo thought. He didn’t know what to do with Sungyeol, because he didn’t know what’s wrong with him yet. He hoped what Sunggyu thought about Sungyeol was wrong, because weirdly, Dongwoo himself wanted to root Sunggyu for his dream. It was terribly sad, he thought, to see a flower dies before it blooms.

“We’ll do something about Yeollie,” Dongwoo said, pressing closer to Sunggyu. Sunggyu hummed happily at the contact and Dongwoo moved even closer, until they were perfectly cozy in each other’s side.

-

 

 

Dongwoo slept like the dead and it was usually twice worse after drinking.

That night, however, he was still in the middle of almost fallen asleep when he heard the passcode being entered and the door opened.

He was slow from the alcohol and the warmth radiating from Sunggyu next to him. What he could afford to move was only his eyelid, and he was greeted with a sight of long legs, plump lips and doe eyes.

 _“We’ll do something about Yeollie,”_ Dongwoo had said less than 15 minutes ago.

Now, looking straight at Sungyeol’s eyes, he didn’t even know what he should say to the tallest member of Infinite, who were currently looking at them both with unreadable expression.

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
